this week in stupid: August 2 edition
Mike Collins misspells it, Jesse Watters dispels it, and so much more...
as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.
monday: tle’s erdi!
you remember Mike Collins. he’s the MAGAfied rage-muppet who got elected to Georgia’s 10th district in 2022 on the strength of a campaign ad wherein he treats a voting machine the way Kristi Noem treats a frisky puppy. Mike AR-15’d the shit out of that machine to prove that ‘Dear Leader actually won in 2020,’ or some such ludicrous fever-swamp bullshit.
well, the King Of All Dumb-Ass Ads is back — and now he’s running for Senate.
I’m not going to bother to show you the entire ad Mike’s brain trust cooked up to announce his candidacy, because seriously, it’s 37 seconds of who gives a shit. it’s just a bunch of nonsensical MAGA mumbo jumbo.
instead, let’s just sit back and enjoy the ad’s final five seconds.
“Georiga.” Christ on a crepe suzette, how on earth did you imbeciles manage to fuck up the spelling of your own state?
tuesday: life with fucked up father
oh joy, Fox News found object Jesse Watters is working out his considerable daddy issues on live TV again.
“Trump golfs. he has dad strength. you know dad strength? he doesn’t look like he’s in shape, but when he grabs you— one time my father grabbed me and I was like oh, my god, this guy is stronger than I am. and I was like 18.”
whoa — slow the fuck down, Jesse Watters. this is way too much information. we don’t need to know about your complicated daddy issues. tell it to a good therapist. maybe the two of you can figure out why it’s so important for Donny Convict to be a stand-in for your ‘big, strong’ father.
free clue for Jesse: Donny was a father from hell.
ever wonder how Cokey McSniffles Jr. got the way he is?
probably from one too many incidents like the one where his father beat the shit out him for not wearing a suit.
I was hanging out in a freshman dorm with some friends, next door to Donald Jr.’s room. I walked out of the room to find Donald Trump at his son’s door, there to pick him up for a baseball game. Don Jr. opened the door, wearing a Yankee jersey. Without saying a word, his father slapped him across the face, knocking him to the floor in front of all of his classmates. He simply said “put on a suit and meet me outside,” and closed the door.
what a charming anecdote. they were on their way to a baseball game, for fuck’s sake.
you know what, strike that. don’t tell Jesse Watters about this incident. he’d probably be jealous of Cokey. he probably wishes he could go on Fox News tonight and brag about ‘the time my father smacked me to the ground for not wearing a suit. and I was like 18!’
Uncle Tim Walz was right. these people are all weird.
wednesday: make distractions from the Epstein scandal great again
at long last, someone finally has cojones ginormous enough to take on Big Gas Can.
Stuart Varney: “make gas cans great again. I think that’s that’s your slogan, actually. I’d love to see you bring back the good old-fashioned red plastic gas can that was so easy to use. can we have it back, please?”
Lee Zeldin: “yes, we just sent a letter last week to the portable gas can manufacturers, encouraging them strongly to vent the can. there’s a lot of frustrations from Americans across the country ’cause what should take forty-five seconds takes five minutes. people feel like they need three hands or six hands to pour a gas can. those vents should be added back in. EPA wants to do our part.”
really? is MAGA out there being flummoxed by gas cans?
rest easy, fumble-fingered patriots! EPA Director Lee Zeldin just strongly-worded-lettered the shit out of— who? is there some National Portable Gas Can Consortium? do they hold a big convention every year in Las Vegas, where they all laugh it up over how purposely difficult they made it to use their products?
what is the issue here? is ‘I can’t open my gas can’ another one of Dear Leader’s imaginary fixations, like the toilets that need to be flushed a gazillion times, or the showers where you turn on the faucets and nothing happens?
way to focus on priorities, you performative-nonsense ass-clowns.
the only thing anyone needs to know about gas cans is that Donny’s name is on every page of the Epstein Files.
thursday: AI yi yi
did you ever wonder would would happen if some fuckbrained factotum at the Republican National Committee typed “Donald Trump and he’s in front of a car” into an AI prompt, and then farted the results out onto social media?
“The One Big Beautiful bill will drive the return of the great American car.”
oh look, it’s Sundowning President Labia Neck, and he’s doing his patented ‘jerking off two invisible dicks’ dance. that’s all well and good, but what’s that behind him? I don’t remember any American-made car that looks like that, do you?
hmm, maybe we’d better check the community notes under that tweet.
“The car pictured behind President Trump is a stock image of a Russian/Soviet made VAZ 2101, better known as the Lada 1200. It is not an American made car.”
oh lordy, that is too fucking delicious for words. not only did the AI grab a non-American car when it hokus-pokussed up that image, it grabbed a Soviet-Russian one from 1970s, back when the Soviet Union was roundly mocked by the entire world for their shitty fifth-rate knockoffs of Western tech.
you eediots. this is why you don’t just post what some dumb pile of silicon chips shits out without first double-checking everything about it.
I can’t wait to hear about how this is Obama’s fault — about how Barack HUSSEIN Obama and James Comey did a treason by hacking into chatGPT and turning everything into Russia Russia Russia.
friday: do they give a prize for ass-hattery
oh look, some damned fool let Jailbird Pete Navarro run his mouth on TV again.
“you know, a lot of people talk about Donald Trump for the Nobel Peace Prize. I’m thinking that since he’s basically taught the world trade economics, he might be up for the Nobel in economics.”
can someone please award Jailbird Pete Navarro the Nobel Shut The Fuck Up, You Gibbering Loon, Your Theories Are So Crackpot That You Had To Invent A Fake Economist To Praise Them Because Every Actual Economist Shuns Your Crazy Ass Prize already?
it’s been a long week, and I’ve had it up to here with all of Donny’s ass-licking enablers pretending that the moron who just TACO’d his way into an economic calamity is some kind of genius.
for fuck’s sake, yesterday’s jobs report was so clownfuckingly abysmal that Donny had a childish meltdown and fired the Commissioner of Labor Statistics — as if it were her fault, for merely telling the truth. we call that ‘shooting the messenger.’
so, fuck all that noise. let’s just stroll down memory lane, and revisit the time back in 2023 that Anarchy Princess mocked the shit out of Jailbird Pete — and outed him him as the unserious dipshit that he is, in front of the whole world.
saturday: ?
hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this — but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.
do you have a nomination for This Week in Stupid? email me at jefftiedrich@gmail.com. thanks!
here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
796 / 885
'the only thing anyone needs to know about gas cans is that Donny’s name is on every page of the Epstein Files.'
Rinse repeat ... rinse repeat... rinse repeat ...
"Oh, we have liberation day economy. I'm such a genius, we are all rich." Gonna be real hard to convince the people who were looking for price reductions, now he's added at least $2400 a year more to what they'll have to spend for the same thing they were paying too much for last year. You can't fire everybody that tells the truth, Trumpy Bear. and there's a limit to pissing on people and convincing them it's rain.