this week in stupid: August 19 edition
Ronny Jackson goes berserk, Nick Fuentes is a jerk, and so much more ...
as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at some of the highlights.
sunday: how to tell if you’re in a cult
public service announcement: if you ever find yourself saying something like “I’m gonna vote for the man with the most impeachments and the most indictments, because guess what? he knows where all this corruption is now,” open up a browser tab and google ‘cult deprogrammers near me,’ and find a good one — because I hate to tell you this, but you need help.
and if you ever find yourself saying “I'm telling you, this man has been anointed. and this man, he is our way back ... we need him back,” well, holy shit, that goes double for you.
monday: dangerously stupid meets super fucking racist
there’s harmless stupid, the kind where you point and laugh and move on, and there’s dangerous stupid.
white supremacist Nick Fuentes is dangerously stupid, and super fucking racist. check out this unhinged rant. (warning: it’s really racist.)
“you’re a fucking immigrant. we have a black immigrant and she’s appointed by Obama—another non-citizen, another non-naturalized non-citizen from Kenya—presiding over a case of a former president, and a job creator, and a billionaire, and an all-around titan and admired man, and this person is … going to talk to the king of America like this? like they pulled him over for having tinted windows, ‘you’re a criminal like anybody else.’ no, bitch. He’s the king of America, you stupid bitch. go back to Jamaica.”
I don’t even have anything amusing to say about this. ugh.
tuesday: train wreck meets traffic stop
to call Ronny Jackson a bit of a train wreck would be an understatement.
the former Trump physician and current Texas Rep has been alleged to have a bit of a drug and alcohol problem.
Ronny also seems to have a bit of an anger management problem.
Law enforcement officials, according to the report and to their accounts of the incidents in the videos, asked Jackson repeatedly to back away from a teenage girl who was experiencing a seizure, to make room for the EMS who were just arriving. But Jackson, who served as the White House physician under Presidents Obama and Trump — refused and grew increasingly combative with officials before being tackled to the ground by two law enforcement officials.
ok, make that three kinds of stupid: harmless stupid, dangerous stupid and yelling-at-state-troopers-until-they-tackle-you-to-the-ground stupid.
wednesday: wut
the last time we saw Jeffrey Clark, he was standing in his driveway, wearing only a shirt and underpants, as the FBI searched his house for evidence of his 2020 election fuckery. clearly, the experience messed with his head.
whatever, Jeffrey. now go back to your office. we’ll call you if there’s an oil spill.
thursday: Donald Trump cancels imaginary news conference
Donald Trump has all the impulse control of a coked-up squirrel, and so after Fani Willis indicted him, the did the first thing that that popped into his adderall-addled head: he took to his shitty app and SHOUTED ABOUT A NEWS CONFERENCE where he would show IRREFUTABLE AND OVERWHELMING EVIDENCE of Georgia election fraud.
but of course there is no evidence to show, so you know that the very next thing he did was to start screaming at the butler and the pool boy to go out and round up all the blank paper they could find so that he could stack it on some table and pretend it was a mountain of evidence.
that’s when one of Trump’s parking garage lawyers pointed out that pulling a stunt like that would only dig him into deeper legal shit.
you’ll never guess what happened next: Trump did an amazing thing. for once in his stupid life, he actually listened to legal advice, and called off the news conference. but of course, Donald Trump being Donald Trump, he announced it in his own crazypants way.
friday: the tweetings will continue until morale improves
speaking of Donald Trump and his lack of impulse control, remember when he’d have some idiotic half-baked idea — oh, like let’s ban transgendered people from the millitary — and announce it via an illiterate tweet, and then the entire White House staff would have to scramble to draft policy papers and have to pretend it was official policy all along?
well, turns out Trump isn’t the only megalomaniacal dipshit narcissist who makes it up as he goes along.
on Friday, Elon Musk had the brilliant idea to “improve” his increasingly-abominable app by removing the only remaining feature that makes the site tolerable — the ability to block trolls and Nazis.
this isn’t just monumentally stupid — it’s monumentally suicidal, as removing the ability to block dipshits would cause twitter or X or whatever the fuck we’re calling it this week to be removed from both the App Store and Google Play.
it’s hard to fathom why the man who makes cars that randomly crash and burst into flames is so hell-bent on making a social app that randomly crashes and bursts into flames, but hey, it’s his 44 billion dollars to piss on as he sees fit.
saturday: ?
hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this. but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.
have a non-stupid weekend, everyone.
I don’t know about you guys, but I am seriously bummed the Monday press conference is cancelled. I had the popcorn and bourbon ready to go (yes, 11 am is a bit early for bourbon, but with a coked up squirrel, needs must. Thanks for that perfect description, JT). Damn. Who knew that the orange menace would listen to a mere attorney??
"it’s hard to fathom why the man who makes cars that randomly crash and burst into flames is so hell-bent on making a social app that randomly crashes and bursts into flames, but hey, it’s his 44 billion dollars to piss on as he sees fit."
A bunch of that $44 billion came from the Saudis, so my chips are on "MBS paid Musk to take a bone saw to the app."