this week in stupid: April 7 edition

Congresswoman Sporkfoot gets 60 minutes too many, Steve Bannon is a man with a batshit plan and so much more ...

as another stupid week comes to a close here in America. let’s look back at some of the highlights.

sunday: 60 Minutes beclowns itself by treating Marjorie Three Toes Fuckface like a serious person

who thought this was a good idea?

I mean, what in actual fuck?

In it, Stahl asked Greene about her claim that Democrats are pedophiles. Greene didn’t back down.

“I would definitely say so,” she said. “They support grooming children.”

legitimizing this woman is stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid. hall of fame stupid. extinction-level event stupid.

the good news: it was a fucking loser in the ratings. it was the television equivalent of a Mike Pence candidacy. nobody on the right was going to watch 60 Minutes and no one on the left is going to tolerate Sporky on their screens. so who ended up watching it? almost nobody.

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monday: I got nuthin

either stupid took the day off or I screwed up and forgot to take notes, because I got nothing. hey, sometimes the dipshit of the day is me. cancel your subscriptions, everyone.

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tuesday: let’s make up for monday by overdosing on stupidity

Trump Arraignment Day was a double metric fuckload of dumb, but as always, ground zero for stupid was Marjorie Dumbfuck Greene. so let’s shine the spotlight on her big dumb pro-Trump rally in Lower Manhattan.

poor Marge. you just know in her defective mind it was going to be a crowning achievment. she was going to bring thousands of angry MAGAs down to the courthouse and demand justice — nay, WIN JUSTICE — for Donald Trump. it was a brilliant plan, except for the part where none of that actually happened.

as I wrote the next day,

Marge showed up at a lower Manhattan street corner, bleated incoherently into a faulty megaphone and was immediately drowned out by a larger crowd of counter-protesters. this went on for about three minutes, a which point Her Sporkness gave up, got back in her rented car and high-tailed it out of town.

enjoy:

@michaelrapaportNYC is and always will be the beay City on Earth!!! #marjorietaylorgreene #trumpet #nyctiktok

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wednesday: Steve Bannon has a plan. spoiler alert: it fucking SUUUUCKS

Steve Bannon desperately wants Donald Trump returned to power. Mostly so he can be pardoned again but also because Joe Biden won’t let Sloppy Steve sleep in the dumpster behind the White House any more.

the baby tarantulas the live inside Rotty Steve’s head must have finally chewed their way through his cerebral cortex, because Bannon’s brilliant plan to restore a Trump presidency is to primary Joe Biden from the left. and who better to primary Joe Biden than … conspiracy loon and anti-vax dipshit Robert F. Kennedy Jr.

wtf, Steve? RFK Jr. has no constituency outside of a few gibbering goofballs whose elevators no longer go to the top floor. an RFK candidacy is going to have absolutely no effect on a Joe Biden reelection run.

so please tell me again how Three Shirt Steve is some kind of political mastermind because I’m not seeing it.

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thursday: Elmo Mush is a fucking child, but what else is new

“what if we gave unlimited wealth and power to a person with the emotional maturity of a 14 year old boy” is a question nobody asked, and yet here we are.

on Thursday, Elmo had the W removed from the sign at Twitter headquarters in San Francisco because hehheh heh hehhehheh hehheh.

Donald Trump has the maturity of toddler and we’ve been seeing for years how that works. now we have Elmo the 14-year-old and we’re getting to learn about about a whole new set of personality defects.

Trump-the-spoiled-three-year-old can be managed by putting a bright shiny thing in front of his face. Elmo-the-vindictive-14-year-old is a bigger problem to deal with, because he can’t be distracted and also because he understands object permanence.

to wit: Elmo is for some reason now mad at substack and has blocked substack from embedding tweets into posts. which is going to be a real problem for people like me because a lot of what I do here is make fun of right-wing twitter.

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friday: ?

hey, it’s only ten o’clock in the morning as I sit here writing this. but give it time, I guarantee you that some dispshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.

have a great weekend, everyone.

folks, a word on a different subject before I let you go: we’re doing some quarterly fundraising at my other venture, The Smirking Chimp. I’m leery of even mentioning it because if you’re one of the people paying to support my own writing here, you’re already doing god’s work and you’re already doing more than enough to help out. but if you’ve got five dollars that you absolutely wouldn’t miss and you do feel like supporting the Chimp, well, that just makes you twice the hero. the donation link is here, or you can go straight to paypal if you need no further convincing. and if you don’t care to donate, that’s totally cool, too, and we will not speak of this again. in fact, we never had this conversation. thanks for listening and that’s it from me for now.