this week in stupid, April 28 edition
DeSantis goes blooey, Marge spews a bunch of hooey, and so much more.
as another stupid week comes to a close here in America. let’s look back at some of the highlights.
sunday: Missouri’s brand-new ‘trans snitch hotline’ gets spammed all to fuck
the government of Missouri had a bright idea: transgendered people aren’t being persecuted enough. let’s make it easier to single them out for abuse. and so they created a web form where concerned people complete fucking busybodies could rat on their neighbors.
decent citizens everywhere had a better idea: let’s fuck this war crime right into the fucking ground.
and so they flooded the hotline with bogus reports. and it was fucking glorious.
pranksters flooded the snitch form with so much hilarious garbage that it had to be shut down.
more like this, please.
monday: Ron DeSantis attempts a basic human response. it doesn’t go well
Monday found lizard-creature-from-outer-space Ron DeSantis in Japan. no one really knew why. it wasn’t because he was running for president, insisted Ron.
reporters weren’t buying it, and one asked him about his lackluster polling — and that’s the exact moment that his human skin suit malfunctioned.
holy shit.
oh my god, he’s so fucking bad at this.
you can’t convince me that this clown has any chance of being president.
tuesday: Republicans respond to Biden re-election campaign with weird AI-generated ad full of shit that never happened
the RNC just took scare tactics and turned them up to eleven in an AI-generated ad.
video that includes disaster scenarios they believe could befall the country if Biden wins another term—things like China invading Taiwan, financial markets going into “freefall,” border agents being “overrun by a surge of 80,000 illegals,” and, bizarrely, San Francisco being “closed” because of drugs and crime. (That last hypothetical includes an image of a cigarette-smoking man with MS-13 tattooed in gothic script across his forehead. Subtle, the ad is not.)
folks, this is going to be the stupidest presidential campaign ever. and that’s saying a lot.
wednesday: Marjorie Three Toes Dipshit opened her mouth. you won’t believe what happened next. oh wait, yes you totally will
once again, we couldn’t get through a week without featuring Congresswoman Sporkbrain.
“people are not affecting climate change. you’re going to tell me that back in The Ice Age, how much taxes did people pay and how many changes did governments make to melt the ice?”
yes, she really said this. (Elon is still blocking tweets on substack, so you’ll have to click the link to watch the video.)
at what point are we going to find out that Andy Kaufmann faked his own death and has been pretending to be Marjorie Taylor Greene as performance art all along? because right now that’s the only logical explanation for any of this.
thursday: stupidest fucking moron in the universe demands Congress pass a law making it illegal to investigate his crimes
no, seriously.
in other news, I am demanding that Congress pass a law making it illegal to not give me a free pony.
friday: ?
hey, it’s only ten o’clock in the morning as I sit here writing this. but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.
have a great weekend, everyone.
Best weekly news roundup by far. Don’t ever stop writing, Jeff.
I gotta hand it to you, my brain seizes up when I cast a semi-jaundiced eye upon the landscape of genuine, deep idiocy, that hairball that passes for the Republican ideal in these benighted times. These columns set my mind right to take on the challenge of the day, and -- as Sam Moore so magnificently declared -- I thank you.