this week in stupid: July 8 edition
racist Karen's out of luck, Marky Zuck is the lesser schmuck, and so much more ...
as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at some of the highlights.
sunday: a baggie of cocaine is a terrible thing to waste
ok, what cocktail of drugs is Individual-1 Junior on right in this video? holy fucking shit, he’s higher than two kites.
and that baggie of coke they found in the White House this week? you can’t convince me that Donny Junior didn’t leave it behind.
monday: Logan’s parents fucking SUCK
what in actual fuck. who gives a cake like this to a ten year old? Logan, I hope that when you turn 18, you come out, move to Provincetown and make your parents very unhappy. in the meantime, we’re all deeply sorry that you have to deal with this.
tuesday: happy birthday, Liberia!
oh look, it’s the good old American stars and bars. forever may she wave, blah blah blah.
and this is the flag of the Republic of Liberia. one star. eleven stripes.
and here’s the Republican Party, completely phoning it in on the 4th of July and celebrating the independence of a country whose flag has one star and eleven stripes.
why didn’t they just cut to the chase and put a Trump flag in there? at least it would have been honest.
wednesday: from the department of what the hell
pro tip: don’t hang around with people who think Hitler got a raw deal. I can’t believe that I even have to say this.
this just keeps happening: you hang out with conspiracy cranks and climate deniers and transphobes long enough and sooner or later, someone’s going to be telling you that the 20th Century’s Top Genocider had some really good ideas.
we’re going to need a new Godwin’s Law, but this time for real life.
thursday: racist karen plays racist games, wins racist prizes
you kids out there will find this hard to believe, but there used to be a time when you could be a racist asshole and go on a racist asshole tirade in public and then just go on quietly living the rest of your racist asshole life.
those times are past. now, everyone has a video recorder in their pocket. but somehow, racist assholes haven’t gotten the memo. and so this keeps happening:
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note to racist assholes: stop doing this. trust me, you never want to be the main character of the day.
just keep your stupid racist asshole thoughts inside your stupid racist asshole head. this has been a public service announcement.
friday: libs of tiktok posts stupid shit, wins stupid prizes
there’s a new social media app in town: Threads, by the same tiresome billionaire who brought you Facebook. whoop-de-doo.
seriously, a seventh social app is pretty much the last thing we need right now. but we may have to give them a second look, because they actually committed a good deed.
Libs of TikTok, one of the more venomous presences on the net — they perpetrate the kind of harrasment that leads to trans people going into hiding and doctors getting death threats — tried to bring their unique brand of hate to Zuck’s new site and — holy shit! — they were immediately smacked down.
they went over to twitter to whine about it, and of course the most tiresome gazillionaire in the galaxy had to give us his two cents (marked down from 44 billion dollars).
saturday: ?
hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this. but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.
have a non-stupid weekend, everyone.
folks, a word on a different subject before I let you go: we’re doing some quarterly fundraising at my other venture, The Smirking Chimp. I’m leery of even mentioning it because if you’re one of the people paying to support my own writing here, you’re already doing god’s work and you’re already doing more than enough to help out. but if you’ve got five dollars that you absolutely wouldn’t miss and you do feel like supporting the Chimp, well, that just makes you twice the hero. the donation link is here, or you can go straight to paypal if you need no further convincing. and if you don’t care to donate, that’s totally cool, too, and we will not speak of this again. in fact, we never had this conversation. thanks for listening and that’s it from me for now.
I’m not a baker. But I think I’m going to file a hypothetical lawsuit and take it all the way up to SCOTUS. It will be as follows:
I am not a baker. Nor do I own a bakery. But if I WERE TO BECOME A BAKER, and DID OWN a bakery, and some trashy, low-life, AR-15-toting NRA member asked me to bake a cake for their son’s birthday party, could I tell them to get the fuck out of my hypothetical bakery?
I have a pretty wide knowledge of mind-altering substances, both as an ex-addict and as an addiction treatment counselor. I have no idea of what combination of drugs one would have to take to achieve Jr.’s state of fucked-upedness. Truly spectacular.