the Space Nazi is having a Big Sad. boo fucking hoo.
Elon has no one but himself to blame
pour one out for the Space Nazi. he’s going through some things right now.
look at the poor guy. he can barely keep it together.
Larry Kudlow: “you’re hearing a call to action.”
Elon: “yeah.”
Kudlow: “you’re given up your other stuff? I mean, how are you running your other businesses?”
Elon: “with great difficulty. [huge sigh]”
Kudlow: “but there’s no turning back.”
Elon: “[another huge sigh] I’m just here trying to make government more efficient, uh, eliminate waste and fraud.”
come on, people — stop being so mean to the Space Nazi. all he ever wanted to do was make government more efficient — by [checks notes] destroying vital services, gutting the social safety net, and pawing through everyone’s personal data.
you selfish shitwads, Elon’s doing this for you. and how are you showing your gratitude? by making his stocks go fuckity-bye.
Tesla shares are in free fall right now, and appear to be on a one-way trip to shittersville.
Tesla stock officially traded lower Monday than it did ahead of President Donald Trump’s November victory, wiping out what was once a 91% gain for shares of the electric vehicle company run by Trump lieutenant Elon Musk, as Tesla becomes the face of the ongoing stock market slide.
Tesla stock shot sky high after Elon became co-president, because investors rightly concluded that he would use his newly-minted powers to enrich his own companies — I mean, duh — but thanks to Elon’s own clownfuckery, it’s all come crashing back down.
the Space Nazi has no one but himself to blame here, because this is what happens when you alienate your customer base: they stop buying your janky cars that randomly crash and explode into flames.
Beyond tariffs, Tesla stock has been weighed down by reports of significantly lower sales to open 2025 in China and Europe as analysts warn Musk’s outspoken politics are eating into Tesla’s brand reputation.
on top of that, Tesla dealerships all across the country have become Ground Zero for massive protests.
no one could have predicted that the world’s richest asshole [checks notes again] destroying vital services, gutting the social safety net, and pawing through everyone’s personal data would be so unpopular.
and then, on top of all that shit, Elon’s Nazi Bar crashed and burned for hours yesterday.
Platform monitor Downdetector says it had more than 1.6 million reports of problems with the social media site from users around the world on Monday.
the Space Nazi blamed Ukrainian hackers for the outage, because of course he did. the fragile fuck always needs a convenient boogeyman to blame things on. tech experts had a field day laughing at Elon.
Ciaran Martin, professor at Oxford University’s Blavatnik School of Government told the BBC that explanation was “wholly unconvincing” and “pretty much garbage.”
remember: back when Elon bought Twitter, he did the same thing to it that he’s now doing to our government: fired all the experts, cut back on services, and stopped paying bills. it’s a wonder that Twitter, or not-Twitter — or whatever the fuck it’s called now — still functions at all. a much more credible explanation than “Ukrainian hackers” would be that someone accidentally kicked a plug out of the wall and it took four hours for anyone to figure it out.
it’s not just Tesla stocks that are in the shitter. the entire stock market is crashing and burning right now.
you might think that Donny Convict’s policies were the reason the Dow dropped almost 900 points yesterday (and is down another 533 points this morning, as I’m writing this). you might think that Donny’s multiple, incoherent blitherings about tariffs are on! no, they’re off! no they’re on again! would be causing the markets to tank. (and again, as I’m writing this, Donny just slapped more tariffs on Canada.)
you might think that Donny’s refusal to say there won’t be a recession would be causing investors to run around in a fucking panic and sell off every stock they hold.
The widespread selloff was mostly driven by anxiety about the impact of Trump’s tariffs. In an interview that aired Sunday, Trump said the US economy would see “a period of transition” and refused to rule out a recession.
you might think any of that shit — but according to America’s Dumbest Senator, Tommy Tuberville, you would be wrong.
Terminally-Concussed Tommy knows the real reason the stock market’s plunging: it’s that stinky poopy-head Joe Biden’s fault!
“we were probably overbloated with the stock market here for a while. we went up quite a bit.”
that rat-bastard Sleepy Joe made the all stocks go too high. what a mean fucking thing to do! so now Donny has no choice but to bring them down.
let’s just back up a second. why was Fox Business having Tommy Fucking Tuberville on to explain anything? everyone knows the guy’s a dumb-ass. he’s a cautionary tale for why you never play football without a helmet. was every other Republican booked elsewhere, that Fox had to bring on Tommy?
you gotta love how shameless Republicans are. they all worship the Dow, and never stop bragging when it’s up — but the second the Dow goes all wobbly under GOP rule, you get low-wattage numbskulls like Tommy Tubes explaining that it was too high anyway.
and Donny is the most shameless of all.
“you can’t really watch the stock market.”
are you fucking kidding me with this bullshit? you can’t really watch the stock market? seriously, Donny? aren’t you the guy who never stops taking credit every time the Dow goes up?
after all that, we need a palate cleanser. let’s watch doughy pantload Couchfuck McGee get heckled and booed while speaking at the National League of Cities in DC.
Couchfuck: “a massive increase in immigration and a massive increase in housing prices. and we have to be honest about that.”
audience: [heckles Couchfuck]
Couchfuck: “I see one of our nice representatives out here wants to actually I guess continue to flood the country with illegal immigrants.”
audience: [boos Couchfuck]
this fucking guy. what an unpleasant asshole. whoever came up with the Dildo Baggins meme wins the entire internet.
after I posted yesterday’s piece about Donny’s so-called ‘economic advisor’ Kevin Hassett, several readers emailed to point out that Kevin is the spitting image of Colin Robinson, the energy vampire from What We Do In The Shadows.
I’ll never unsee it, and now neither will you.
here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
if you've never watched What We Do In The Shadows (the tv series or the movie), you owe it to yourself to drop everything and right this wrong
The “practice self-care” part is getting more challenging.