the New York Times can piss up a rope

Times publisher AG Sulzberger is a power-mad diaper-baby

it sure does seem like The New York Times is hell-bent to sink Joe Biden’s chances of being re-elected. they minimize his accomplishments. they front-page every bad poll and don’t even bother to report on the good ones. article after article has a “here’s why this is bad news for Joe Biden” slant to it.

and holy shit, the Times never shuts the fuck up about Biden’s age. Robert Hur’s false portrayal of Biden as a “elderly man with a poor memory” was for the Times a gift from heaven. for weeks after the Hur Report was released, the Times published endless “Joe Biden must drop out” editorials.

it really does seem like a personal vendetta, doesn’t it?

well guess fucking what: the reason it seems like the Times has a vendetta against Joe Biden is that the Times actually does have a vendetta against Joe Biden — and the reason is that publisher Arthur Gregg Sulzberger is a vainglorious power-mad diaper-baby whose precious feelings got hurt.

Sulzberger believes that the New York Times has a god-given right to an exclusive interview with Biden, and Biden won’t give them one — and so Sulzberger is having a thermonuclear hissy and telling his reporters and editors to attack Biden relentlessly.

it all sounds too childish to be true, but check this shit out.

According to Politico, New York Times publisher AG Sulzberger believes a long-form interview with Biden is the “birthright” of the Times and he’s been “aggrieved” that the president has refused to sit for one.

One unnamed Times reporter suggested to Politico that “tough reporting” on Biden’s advanced age and lagging poll numbers is “quietly” encouraged by Sulzberger in retaliation for Biden’s unwillingness to sit for an interview.

the Times has a “birthright” to interview Biden? what the fuck does that even mean? newspapers don’t have birthrights, and AG Sulzberger is an nth-generation nepo-baby who inherited a once-great newspaper and has hastened its long decline into irrelevance.

but wait, there’s even more infantile score-settling afoot:

White House deputy press secretary Andrew Bates, according to two people who spoke to Politico, has fed material to the “NYT Pitchbot” account on X, which relentlessly hammers the Times over its coverage of Biden and Trump.

Biden joked at last year’s White House Correspondents dinner that he “loves” the “NYT Pitchbot” account.

wait, what? Sulz has his panties in a twist over an allegation that the White House is ghost-writing mean tweets? my god, this is Donald-Trump-level thin-skinned dipshittery.

trust me, the Pitchbot is doing just fine without the White House’s help.

and what in the name of god’s own crusty fuck is this bullshit?

Sulzberger reportedly took minutes out of allotted time last May for an off-the-record meeting with Vice President Kamala Harris so he could ask why Biden was not agreeing to an interview. Harris was upset and later told aides the line of questioning was a waste of time for the meeting, which included dozens of staffers for the paper.

Harris told Sulzberger to contact the White House press office for his interview.

so Sulz took a meeting with the Vice President and turned it into a whinefest during which he pestered the VP about why won’t mean old Joe Biden talk to us? no wonder Kamala was pissed. you don’t waste the veep’s time on bullshit.

it’s all so petty. it’s playground sandbox toddler behavior that’s unbecoming of the so-called “newspaper of record.”

grow the fuck up.

AG Sulzberger, can we talk? can I call you Arthur? look, Artie, there’s an election coming up. it’s just six months away. one guy wants to continue to lead a democracy. the other guy wants to be a Day One Dictator. you think you’re settling a score with Joe Biden? just wait until Donny Fuckface settles his score with you.

hey Art, have you seen the recent reports about how during his his presidency, Donald Trump used to openly talk about having his enemies executed?

Donald Trump had said multiple times during his tenure at the White House that he wanted to execute people who angered him, former Attorney General Bill Barr has suggested.

do you think that shit’s going to change if Donny regains power and all the guardrails of democracy are removed? no sir, it’s only going to get worse. pick up a history book and read about what happens to the media under fascist regimes.

now I’m sure you’re going to hand me some bullshit line about “newspapers should impartially report on the candidates,” but for fuck’s sake, you’re not even doing that right now. to hell with impartiality — if you can tip the scales against Biden and call it journalism, you can sure as shit tip the scales for Biden.

do you really want to have people telling their children, “I was there when democracy ended because AG Sulzberger’s feelings were hurt”?

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holy shit, South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem slaughtered a puppy. she fucking bragged about it in a book.

I don’t want to talk about it. the details are out there if you need to know.

I just want to highlight how insane it is that one political party has sunk so low that it now believes it’s a good thing to brag about being a dog murderer.

the Republican National Committee is fundraising off of Noem’s gun-crazed deathfest.

Republicans’ newest cash-grab effort involves a Donald Trump running mate hopeful and her tale of shooting dead the family dog.

The National Republican Congressional Committee Friday sent out an email alert hawking signed copies of South Dakota Gov. Kristi Noem’s forthcoming memoir, “No Going Back: The Truth on What’s Wrong with Politics and How We Move America Forward.”

“I’ve reached out a few times offering you a signed copy of my new memoir No Going Back, and now there's fewer than 73 signed copies left!” the email declares.

pro tip: don’t vote for puppy killers.

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let’s go out on a high note. here’s Dark Brandon at last night’s White House Correspondents Dinner.

“I want to thank you for the warm welcome. but please, not so loud — Donald is listening. Sleepy Don. I kinda like that. I may use that again. Kelly O’Donnell, president of the White House Correspondents Association, thank you for having me. Kelly O., let’s be honest — you’re way too young to be president. it’s been a year since I delivered this speech and my wife Jill, who’s with me tonight, was worried how I’d do. I told her, don’t worry, it’s just like riding a bike. she said, ‘that’s what I’m worried about.’ of course, the 2024 election is in full swing — and yes, age is an issue. I’m a grown man running against a six-year-old.”