the GOP and the press are freaking out over Candidate Kamala

their Narratives just got blown to pieces

the worthless scribblers of the corporate-controlled media love nothing more than pushing a Narrative, and — oh boy — had they ever cooked one up for a post-Biden Democratic National Convention.

after we shove icky old Joe Biden out of the race, it’s going to be pandemonium. Kamala Harris sucks. nobody likes her. the Democrats will toss her aside like an old dogshit shoe, and then it’s going to be a knock-down drag-out fight. we’ll have us an open convention — with a million candidates!

Gavin Newsom! he’s soooo fucking handsome! look at that hair! look at that jaw! no, wait! Joe Manchin! he’s our kind of Democrat — he lives on a yacht! what? he’s not a Democrat? doesn’t matter — we’ll get him to switch! we’ll write a thousand flattering stories!

floor fight! nobody will be able to agree on anybody! there’s going to be a hundreds of rounds of voting! think of the ratings! DEMOCRATS IN DISARRAY!

the press loves them some Democrats in disarray, and this was going to Democrats in disarray on steroids.

but along comes Kamala — and in less than 48 hours, she’s blown The Narrative to bits.

Kamala has arrayed the shit out of the Democratic Party. in just two days, she’s not only raised a fuck-ton of money — she’s also secured enough delegates to coast to the nomination.

the press didn’t want any of this to happen, and now they’re having a Big Sad.

the Atlantic’s thesis is that consensus is bad because reasons.

the Washington Post also has reasons.

all this tut-tutting about process and appearances is a smokescreen. the real complaint here is you’re denying us the spectacle and chaos we deserve.

Axios seems particularly annoyed that Kamala has a lock on the nomination.

this cannot be overstated: the only people who are bothered by how quickly the Democrats came together are the media — and the GOP.

Dems are just fine with how this all playing out. Kamala is massively popular right now.

“MSNBC just now: Kamala Harris has 94% support among Democrats, that's 5-points more than Hillary Clinton on Election Day 2016.”

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the GOP had their own Narrative, too.

Joe Biden is old. look at him. so old. fuck talking about policy, we’re going to just keep yammering about how old Biden is. and the press will help us! they’re already doing most of our work for us. they hate Sleepy Brandon just as much as we do.

and now Joe’s gone — and it’s clear the Republicans never had a Plan B.

they’re reduced to throwing everything at the wall and hoping that something — anything! — sticks.

seriously, they’ve got nothing.

“Kamala stands *directly* in front of one of the NCAA athletes being honored at the White House — entirely blocking them from the photo. Not ready for primetime, Kamala!”

RNC, this is your best shot? Kamala stood in front an athlete? you’re fucking pathetic.

get back to us when Kamala pushes Montenegro’s Prime Minister out of the way so she can preen in front of the camera.

wait, did I say they had nothing? actually, they have less than nothing.

in case you needed one more reminder that Laura Loomer is trash —

go for it, Republicans — start slut-shaming Kamala Harris for the sexual history you imagine she has. that should make you really popular with woman voters.

you people are fucking geniuses. it’s hard to believe you’ve won the popular vote only once in the last thirty-two years.

because every accusation is actually a confession, Republicans are referring to Biden dropping out as a “coup”.

“Trump and JD Vance Tell Jesse Watters Biden Dropping Is a ‘Coup’ Before Calling to ‘Invoke the 25th Amendment!’”

words, what do they mean?

free clue for the Republicans: what happened between Joe Biden and Kamala Harris was a peaceful transfer of power — something the GOP seem no longer capable of recognizing, much less actually doing.

now this is what coup looks like — or, more accurately, this is what a failed coup looks like.

also — why the fuck are you calling for invoking the 25th Amendment? do you really want to spend the next four months running against President Kamala Harris?

how do you people get the fork to your mouth without stabbing yourself in the eye?

it never hurts to do a little racism.

Newsmax host Seb Gorka: Kamala Harris “very well might be the first DEI president.”

and it never hurts to do a little misogyny, with some batshit insanity thrown in for good measure.

how can James Lindsay be so sure that Kamala Harris is a witch? simple: she turned him into a newt!

spoiler alert: he got better.

oh, look who else is having himself a Big Old Mad: Vlad Putin.

SHE-DEVIL Russian state TV is unsettled by the thought of Trump facing off with Harris, as panicked propagandists surmise he has no trump cards left. State TV host said, “Now, he is the old candidate. The only old candidate!”

pro tip: if Russian State TV is freaking out because your candidacy is in trouble, congratulations — you’re on the wrong fucking side.

Bobby McBrainworms Junior is also caught up in his own Big Mad.

poor Bobby. one minute he’s on the phone with Donny Convict, begging for a job as Vaccine Czar or some damned thing, and the next minute he’s complaining that the Democrats won’t let him hang out any more. make up your mind, bro.

know what, Bobby? the Kennedy Compound is nice this time of year. go chill out. have a mai tai on the jetty. your fifteen minutes are over.

we should probably do a wellness check on Donny.

holy shit, he’s old — and batshit insane.

“It’s a new day and Joe Biden doesn’t remember quitting the race yesterday! He is demanding his campaign schedule and arranging talks with Presidents Xi of China, and Putin of Russia, concerning the possible start of World War 3. Biden is ‘sharp, decisive, energetic, angry, and ready to go!’”

can somebody please remind Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants that he’s no longer running against Joe Biden? he seems weirdly obsessed.

hey, some thoughts and prayers for this guy.

yes, there really is a Let’s Go Brandon Store in Toms River, New Jersey.

commenters, let’s help this guy. how should he rebrand his store?

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hey, Republicans — the election is less than four months away. your candidate is a lunatic. your vice-candidate is repellent. your policies are toxic. the more the public learns about Project 2025’s plan to end democracy and replace it with a woman-hating christofascist theocracy, the more they’re horrified.

you dipshits did this to yourselves, and this is not going to end well for you.

reap what you sow, fuck-os.