the Battle of the Big Fucking Faucet rages on

the lunatic gaslighting continues

Team Donny spent all day yesterday taking a victory lap, celebrating the Twelfth Spigot-Opening Battalion — the Fightin’ Spigoteers! — in their glorious victory over California’s rebel forces at the Battle of the Ginormous Fucking Faucet That Doesn’t Actually Exist.

the whole nonsensical fairy tale spilled over into the White House press room.

reporter: “could you please clarify what the military did with the California water last night, as referenced in the president’s Truth Social post?”

Karoline Leavitt: “the water has been turned back on in California.”

reporter: “so could you clarify what the military’s role was? where the water came from, and how it got there?”

Leavitt: “the Army Corps of Engineers has been on the ground in California.”

bingo! here we go: this whole thing stems from Dear Leader’s inability to process basic information. Donny is an imbecile with a toddler’s understanding of how the world works. all it took for him was to hear the word “army” — and away the baby went, hallucinating a mile a minute about great military conquests in the battlefields of California.

let’s return to this tweet from yesterday, because it explains what actually happened.

“The military did not enter California. The federal government restarted federal water pumps after they were offline for maintenance for three days. State water supplies in Southern California remain plentiful.”

these were federal water pumps, being maintained by the federal government — and you’ll never guess who’s responsible for maintaining federal infrastructure: the Army Corps of Engineers.

now, the ACE is technically part of the military, but it’s actually more military-adjacent.

Do I need to join the Army to work for the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers? No. The U.S. Army Corps of Engineers is primarily a civilian organization with 37,000 dedicated civilians and about 550 Soldiers.

so, sorry to burst MAGA’s bubble, but no, the military did not “enter California,” nor did they force anyone at gunpoint to open a ginormous fucking spigot. it was just a bunch of civil engineers in hardhats doing their regular old jobs.

we should still call them the Fightin’ Spigoteers, though — because it’s an awesome fucking name, and they deserve it.

yesterday, by the way, was Karoline Leavitt’s first day on the job as White House Press Secretary — and for some reason, the New York Times decided they were now in the business of writing Karoline Leavitt fan fiction.

what the fuck, New York Times? your own reporters are ‘increasingly irrelevant’? the story is not that Leavitt was steely and unflinching — it’s that she lied her face off the entire time. just like every Trump Administration Press Secretary before her, nothing that oozed out of her mouth came anywhere near the truth.

listen to this preposterous nonsense.

“DOGE and OMB also found that there was about to be 50 million taxpayer dollars that went out the door to fund condoms in Gaza. That is a preposterous waste of taxpayer dollars.”

spoiler alert: there is no basis in reality for this ludicrous claim. actual policy experts have no fucking clue what Leavitt is gibbering about.

The Times of Israel quotes a former senior Biden official dismissing the claim that the previous administration earmarked $50 million for a condom distribution program in the Gaza Strip as a “feverish dream.”

nonetheless, the entire wingnut noise machine sprang into action and hailed this as another victory in the war against woke spending gone crazy.

meanwhile, the lunatic gaslighting continues. yesterday it was the Battle of the Imaginary Faucet. today it’s the Great Imaginary Space Rescue.

“I have just asked Elon Musk and @SpaceX to ‘go get’ the 2 brave astronauts who have been virtually abandoned in space by the Biden Administration. They have been waiting for many months on @Space Station. Elon will soon be on his way. Hopefully, all will be safe. Good luck Elon!!!”

once again: no, no, no, no, and fuck no. that’s not what’s happening.

The astronauts Musk and Trump are presumably referencing are NASA's Butch Wilmore and Suni Williams. NASA has long said the crew isn't “stranded” and a plan to return them safely to Earth has been in place for months. In fact, NASA astronauts always train for lengthy missions and medical experts have kept a watchful eye on the health of the two during their extended stay.

so no, MAGA, Sleepy Brandon didn’t abandon any astronauts in space. it’s just Donny Convict, playing with his Buzz Lightyear action figures — pew-pew! pew-pew! — and concocting some bullshit story that makes Dear Leader the hero at its center.

just as The Apprentice was carefully stage-managed and edited to make a blundering bankrupt buffoon look like the Smartest Businessman in the world, Donny’s second presidency is being carefully stage-managed and edited to make a reckless moron with the impulse control of a coked-up squirrel seem like a great strategist and statesman. he’s not just the Great General in the Battle of the Faucet — he’s also the Savior of the Space Program!

oh look, the Space Nazi is only too happy to play along.

“The @POTUS has asked @SpaceX to bring home the 2 astronauts stranded on the @Space_Station as soon as possible. We will do so. Terrible that the Biden administration left them there so long.”

it’s all Kabuki posturing, scripted to make Dear Leader look like a hero. because the Space Nazi knows the astronauts aren’t “stranded” — the plan for SpaceX to bring them home has been in the works since Sleepy Brandon was president. the Space Nazi was part of the planning.

now here’s a fun fact: it’s the Space Nazi’s own fault that those astronauts are still up there.

But NASA updated that timeline in December, saying that SpaceX needed more time to complete the capsule it would use for the Crew-10 mission.

so of course he wants to sweep his own blithering incompetence under the rug, and play along — because the more heroic Donny looks, the more heroic he looks.

and, once again, wingnut media is uncritically regurgitating all of this shit.

and once again, MAGA is uncritially swallowing everything they’re told.

government of the narcissists, by the narcissists, and for the narcissists (and morons). as I will never tire of saying, what could possibly go wrong?

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.