sundowning Grandpa Farticus claims ‘no one has ever had to sit for so long’

it’s so unfair!

oh, the indignity — no one has ever been treated as disrespectfully as Lord Buttstench has.

he’s confined to a courtroom all day long. it’s so boring! he has to sit and listen to disloyal former flunkies say mean things about him. he can’t even shout back! he can’t get up and wander around. there’s no TV tuned to Newsmax for him to watch. there’s no one to change his diaper, or bring him a can of Diet Coke. and that son of a bitch Judge Merchan won’t stop telling him what do to.

it’s so unfair!

yesterday, Trump found a whole new inhumanity to whine about.

“I’ll tell you what. some people, somebody just told me they’ve never sat for such a long period of time in a courthouse before. it’s ridiculous.”

you heard that right: big strong men — their arms rippling with muscles — they’re coming up to Trump with rivers of tears streaming down their cheeks, and saying sir! sir! nobody has ever sat for this long!

and of course Trump is still whining about not being allowed to campaign.

“I’m supposed to be in Georgia, I’m supposed to be in New Hampshire, I’m supposed to be in Ohio, lot of other places, and they have me sitting here.”

this is, of course, pure unadulterated bullshit. before the trial resumed yesterday, Trump had three days off. did he do any campaigning over that long weekend? no, he did not. the lazy fuck spent three days at Motel-a-Lago, cheating at golf. so please, Donny, take your “they won’t let me campaign” and stick it where the sun don’t shine.

by the way, those rat bastards are still fucking with the temperature inside the courthouse — deliberately, just to torment Trump.

“so I’m going to go into this trial, I’m going to sit in a freezing cold icebox for eight hours.”

but there is one positive: the weary old fuck is finally getting to catch up on his sleep.

yup, he did it again yesterday — just dropped off into dozy dreamland, right in the middle of witness testimony.

in fact, Donny Demento has been dozing so soundly that his ace team of parking garage lawyers has had to resort to gimmicks to try to keep him awake — and none of it is working.

“they’ve tried a number of different devices to keep Trump awake — partially in response to collective press corps observations. for example, when there are sidebars, an attorney doesn’t leave his side any more, because leaving him alone means leaving him to potentially sleep. he has a stack of papers with him at all times now, to go through. neither of those things seem to have protected Trump from his own exhaustion today. more than not, when I looked up to see how Trump was receiving the testimony, Trump was not receiving it at all, because his eyes were closed.”

awww, how cute it is that unmanageable baby Trump is given a pile of papers to pretend to look at.

speaking of prop stacks of paper, did you know that Donny has a flunky on the payroll whose job is to carry around a portable printer and show Trump “good news”? I shit you not.

This week, as the Stormy Daniels hush money trial kicked off, New York Times reporter Maggie Haberman noted the presence of a figure in court whose job responsibility sounded like a joke, writing that her job was to carry around a “wireless printer” to provide the former president with an “ongoing stream of good news from the internet.”

But it turns out that the aide is very real. Her name is Natalie Harp, a former One America News anchor who joined Trump’s communications team in March 2022. According to reporting that year by the Washington Post, Harp would even accompany the former reality TV host on golf trips in a cart “equipped with a laptop and sometimes a printer to show him uplifting news articles, online posts, or other materials.”

holy shit. how fucking broken inside do you have to be to require that kind of constant positive affirmation? it calls to mind that doofus at the White House they called “the Music Man.”

an unnamed White House official nicknamed the “Music Man” was tapped to play the president his favorite show tunes to stop him when he was about to throw a tantrum.

Those tunes included “Memory” from the musical “Cats,” Grisham writes, per The Times. Although the former press secretary didn’t name the official, Politico reported in July that it was White House aide Max Miller, who is Grisham’s ex-boyfriend.

I have an idea — why don’t they just get Donny one of those toddler activity boards. they can lay it on the defense table, right in front of him.

that’ll keep Trump awake, for sure. he can play with the little doors, ring the bell, fiddle with all the doodads — so much more effective than some boring stack of papers for Donny to pretend to read.

so what if Trump excitedly shouts “toot! toot!” in the middle of the trial? isn’t that better than having him loudly snoring while filling the courtroom with noxious clouds of fecal gas?

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one notable thing happened during the trial yesterday. Donny was found in contempt of court for multiple violations of his gag order.

New York Judge Juan Merchan has fined former President Donald Trump for repeatedly violating the gag order in the hush money trial.

Merchan ruled Trump violated the gag order nine times for criticizing expected trial witnesses in posts on social media and his campaign page. Trump must pay the $9,000 fine by the end of the week.

of course, nine grand is chicken feed for even a fake billionaire like Donald Trump — but there’s not much Merchan can do about that, as New York State law dictates a maximum fine of a thousand dollars per violation. but the judge did at long last promise to jail Trump for any future fuckery.

Merchan also threatened incarceration if Trump willfully violates the gag order again, writing in his ruling, “THEREFORE, Defendant is hereby warned that the Court will not tolerate continued willful violations of its lawful orders and that if necessary and appropriate under the circumstances, it will impose an incarceratory punishment.”

“if necessary” is doing a lot of heavy lifting in Merchan’s statement, and so is “appropriate under the circumstances” — so I’m not holding my breath while waiting for Trump to learn what the inside of a jail cell looks like.

but here’s a fun fact: by being held in contempt of court in the New York trial, Donny is now technically in violation of the bail agreements of his other three trials.

but once again, I’m not holding my breath for any jailhouse schadenfreude.

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hey, this is a real photo of Donny, from yesterday:

it looks like AI fakery, doesn’t it? but no, it’s real — here’s a link to the original, on the Getty Images website.

Donny may never see the inside of a jail cell, but the stress of the trial is getting to him. he’s falling apart — and it shows. his fragile psyche can’t handle this kind of constant stress. he’s headed for some sort of epic explosion — and when it happens, it’s going to be thermonuclear.

stay tuned.