still no sign of life from Glitch McConnell, but Republicans are going full Weekend at Mitch’s

and Donny shits the bed at NATO

you can say this about Mitch McConnell: he sure knows how to stay dead. or incapacitated. or whatever the fuck is going on with him at the hospital where his handlers have him stashed away.

it’s been 24 days since Mitch McConnell was found at his home in DC, unconscious and in cardiac arrest, and rushed to a hospital. at no point during those 24 days have we had one sign of life from Mitch. all we’ve gotten are vague assurances from his handlers about how awesomely he’s been doing.

and now that speculation is ramping up that things may not exactly be going swimmingly for Old Mitch, this whole stupid thing has become a farce.

the GOP has apparently decided that the best way to deal with all these pesky questions about ‘what the fuck is up with McConnell’ is to play a vigorous round of Weekend At Mitch’s, with Republican Senator John Barrasso and CNN found object Scott Jennings now claiming to have had ‘20-minute-long’ conversations with the esteemed Senator Turtlehump.

how convenient.

yeah, right. all of a sudden, Mitch is downright chatty, and all of these conversations last twenty minutes.

excuse us if we’re skeptical, because you know who else is skeptical? CNN host Kasie Hunt. let’s watch her commit a journalism, and poke some holes in Scott Jennings’ story.

Hunt: “do you think he would be willing to call into the show? could we get him on the phone now?”

Jennings: [laughs nervously and changes the subject]

Hunt: “do you think they should put out a picture of McConnell, that he should release more to the public?”

Jennings: [makes weak mewling noises about privacy]

seriously, that’s what they’re going with? privacy? because when President Lyndon Johnson had gall bladder surgery in 1965, he couldn’t wait to show everyone his scar.

come on, ‘is Mitch McConnell fucking dead or what’ is a matter of extreme national importance, and the hell with privacy. just release ONE photo of McConnell in his hospital bed. just one — and we’ll all shut the fuck up about it.

this is why everyone smells bullshit right now. none of this adds up.

political strategist Mike Nellis: “I also don’t buy this, either. if Scott Jennings and Thune and everybody else can have a 20-minute phone call with Mitch McConnell, he should be able to shoot a 60-second proof of life video to show us that he’s okay. I think they know the deadline for a special election is August 3rd. if he’s dead, or if he’s on a ventilator, if he’s not able to do his job, he should resign right now. they should have a special election.”

meanwhile, the entire internet is doing what the entire internet does best: mocking the shit out of the whole thing.

credit: Alan Heitz on Threads

credit: Tim Hunter on Threads

credit: Alex Gradet on Threads

credit: Katie Molinaro on Threads

but let’s get serious for a minute: this is not how a healthy democracy functions. you can’t have one entire political party unilaterally deciding that reality is whatever the fuck they say it is.

but that’s what the Republican party has been doing for years: peddling a pack of lies about whatever subject is at hand.

ask the GOP about immigration. all you’ll get are lies. ask them why the social safety net is being gutted in order to give billionaires another round of tax cuts. lies. ask them why Renée Good and Alex Pretti are dead. lies. ask them why the full and unredacted Dead Pedo Bestie Files haven’t been released. lies. ask them if they think it’s cool to bulldoze the East Wing in order to build some heavily militarized piece of shit Epstein Dance Hall. lies.

and now, the ask them about heath of a sitting senator, months before the midterm elections. lies.

this much lying from a political party is unsustainable, and that’s a huge part of the reason why democracy in America is on life support right now.

hey, just like Mitch McConnell, am I right?

---

meanwhile, Preznit Fuckwit was in Turkey yesterday for the start of a two-day NATO meeting. now, I know what you’re champing at the bit to ask me: ‘Uncle Jeff, did our president embarrass himself, his country, and the entire world?’

you’re darn fucking tootin’ that’s what Donny did.

all he did was whine.

“we weren’t treated well [by NATO] because we did something in Iran. we don’t need anybody’s help. I didn’t even want their help. but before I asked, they said they wouldn’t be there … in the case of the United Kingdom, the prime minister — I guess he’s no longer there, maybe because of this; it was a very unpopular thing he did — said, ‘no, we’ll help after the war is over.’ I said, ‘I don’t need that kind of help.’ We didn’t need any help at all. In a way, I was testing people. I was testing to see whether or not they’d be there.”

oh boo fucking hoo, Donny. dry your beady little pig-eyes.

don’t you just love the way how Donny, in the same breath, whines about getting no help, and then insists he didn’t need — or even want — any help in the first place.

that’s not how an adult reasons. that’s how a four-year-old throws a tantrum.

‘waah waah! why won’t you be my friend? I don’t even want you to be my friend. I was just testing you to see if you would be my friend! waah! waah!’

Donny completely misunderstands the purpose of NATO. they’re a defensive organization, not an offensive one. NATO doesn’t exist to help Donny lose some unprovoked, unnecessary and illegal don’t-you-dare-call-it-a-war on Iran. that’s not part of their charter.

the mission of NATO is purely defensive. they’re there to help if any member country gets attacked. you know, like if some out-of-control megalomaniacal dumbfuck gets super horny to invade Greenland.

speaking of which — Donny didn’t just whine. he also threatened.

“well, that’s what hurt my relationship with NATO. because Greenland doesn’t help Denmark. Denmark doesn’t spend money to really help Greenland, but it's an important part for the United States. and it’s surrounded by China— ships and Russian ships. and that’s not gonna happen, the ships is— not gonna happen. it, it was Greenland that in my— and it continues to be— that should be controlled by the United States, not by Denmark. and when they wouldn’t go along with it and with all the money we spend to help them with Russia. and we don’t have to spend any money. we could remove all our soldiers out of Europe … they better be careful with immigration and energy. if they’re not careful with those two things, you’re not going to have a Europe any more.”

the raccoons inside Donny’s waterlogged head must be having a field day, chewing through one wire after another, as Donny incoherently pinballs from Greenland to Russian and Chinese ships, to soldiers, and finally landing on some racist bullshit about immigration in Europe.

let’s just do two quick fact checks. first of all, there are no Russian or Chinese ships stationed around Greenland. Donny’s just making shit up to feed his own paranoid worldview. secondly, it’s just not true Greenland gets nothing from Denmark. Denmark subsidizes a huge part of Greenland’s economy, including providing free healthcare and free education. that’s why Greenland doesn’t want any part of what Donny is selling. why would they trade that in to become part of the billionaires-get-everything-you-get-nothing economic system of the US?

keep dreaming, Donny.

oh wait — Donny didn’t just whine and threaten. he was also a misogynistic pig.

reporter: “can you clarify with you meant with your social media post with respect to Prime Minister Meloni, the restraining order?”

Donny: “oh, I don’t know. I think she’s a nice person, actually. we’ve had a good we— we had a bad relationship of— it became a little bad because she refused to help us. again, I didn’t put a heavy press on her. but she refused to get involved with— the Hormuz Strait— or— you could also say just Iran. so it soured my relationship with her a little bit.”

shut the fuck up, piggy.

oh wait — Donny didn’t just whine and threaten and act like a misogynistic pig. the narcoleptic old fart factory also fell the fuck asleep.

holy shit. Donny is out like a light for a full minute and five seconds. what a fucking embarrassment.

---

let’s do a palate cleanse. let’s watch Belgium’s World Cup team, in their locker room after defeating the US, singing ‘YMCA’ and mocking Donny’s ‘jerking off two invisible giraffes’ dance.

we need to gif that shit for posterity’s sake.

thanks, Donny. thanks for turning our country into an international laughingstock.

once again, he’s such a fucking embarrassment.

---

let’s move on to someone who was never an embarrassment. let’s have some Daily Claudia.

look at Ms Spouse and Tenchi the Wonder Cat — they’re so sleepy, on April 26, 2020.

and here’s another pic of Ms Spouse and her bff Kathy, in the garden at the restaurant Harvest on Hudson on March 13, 2021.

have a great Wednesday, everyone.

---

here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

---

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.