Steve Scalise is a white supremacist and silly dipshit — it’s a Republican twofer!

there’s more to Steve than just the racism

yesterday, House Republicans held their Big Secret Vote for a Speaker nominee. the choice was clear: vote for Jim Jordan, vote for Steve Scalise, or guzzle bleach.

in the end, there wasn’t much drama. Repubs picked Scalise on the very first ballot.

Jimmy Jords was soundly defeated. when all was said and done, nobody really wanted to have an under-dressed rape-enabler shouting at them all day long.

bleach guzzling ran a close third.

now of course Steve has his own thorny little issue: he’s a fucking white supremacist — and he’s been one for a very long time.

in 2002, Scalise was guest of honor at a white supremacy conference. it doesn’t get more whitely supreme than that.

Supreme Steve hasn’t tried to hide any of this — he’s only tried to sugar-coat it.

so, how do you put a happy face on racism? pretty clumsily, it turns out, by saying the most dipshittiest things imaginable.

most famously, Scalise has called himself “David Duke without the baggage.”

excuse me, but what exactly is a “David Duke without the baggage?” David Duke is all baggage, from the tip of his pointy white hood right down to his toes.

for fuck’s sake, David Duke was the Grand Wizard of the KKK. that’s like winning the America’s Top Racist competition.

what part of David Duke’s “baggage” do you remove to make him palatable?

you might as well call yourself “Hitler without the mustache.”

oh my god, that’s SO much better

but there’s more to Steve than just the racism.

he also refuses to say that Joe Biden won the 2020 election.

he’s a climate change denier.

and he pretty much just says stupid shit all day long.

with a pedigree like that, you’d figure that Steve would be a shoo-in to win the Speakership — but Scalise has a teensy problem: too many of the shit-flinging maniacs in the House GOP are refusing to vote for him. they think he’s too sensible and will do terrible things, like pass legislation — just like that fuckface Kevin McCarthy, who they just shitcanned for those very same crimes.

in fact, not five seconds after Scalise won the nomination, “McCarthy 2.0” started trending on not-Twitter. MAGA morons were losing their fucking minds.

oh dear.

so how does Scalise get the votes he needs to become Speaker?

well, he could convince dozens of House Democrats to vote for him — fat fucking chance — or he could agree to the same kind of deal that Kevin Fifteen Ballots made, and promise to do the bomb-throwers’ bidding while agreeing to be removed by a single vote — but will the extremists take another chance on another quote-unquote “sensible” Speaker?

ha ha! looks like the nihilists are already making impossible demands. Thomas Massie just called for an end to aid for Israel.

“I am opposed to foreign aid,” the Kentucky Republican told Insider in an interview at the Capitol. “Some people say my position on opposing all foreign aid is radical. I think what's radical is sending money to other countries when we're going bankrupt.”

good luck trying to convince these lunatics to do anything, Steve.

so it seems like we’re in for another multiple-ballot clusterfuck, all while the whole world falls to pieces around us.

---

you know, there is a Speaker candidate who has none of Steve Scalise’s toxic issues, nor is he a shouty piece of shit like Jim Jordan.

I’m talking about House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries.

hi there!

Jeffries would make an excellent Speaker — and it would only take five reasonable Republicans to cross over and vote for him to make it happen.

too bad there aren’t five reasonable Republicans on the planet, much less in the US House of Representatives.

but we can dream, can’t we?

folks, a word on a different subject before I let you go: we’re doing some quarterly fundraising at my other venture, The Smirking Chimp. I’m leery of even mentioning it because if you’re one of the people paying to support my own writing here, you’re already doing god’s work and you’re already doing more than enough to help out. but if you’ve got five dollars that you absolutely wouldn’t miss and you do feel like supporting the Chimp, well, that just makes you twice the hero. the donation link is here, or you can go straight to paypal if you need no further convincing. and if you don’t care to donate, that’s totally cool, too, and we will not speak of this again. in fact, we never had this conversation. thanks for listening and that’s it from me for now.