Spork Toes and the House GOP beclown themselves for the millionth time

House Republicans trot out every nutty conspiracy theory under the sun

House Republicans decided to take a day off from wedging their noses up Dear Convicted Leader’s ass and indulge in their second-favorite activity: revenge.

Comer Fudd was all yee-haw! let’s git some poor schnook up here an’ make his life miserable! I know — let’s subpoena the shit out of Hunter Biden an’ make him show us his ungodly ginormous trouser trout.

but then someone reminded Comer Fudd that Hunter Biden needed to be at his own trial this week. Fudd exploded in anger. well fuckdammitall, y’all find me someone to persecute, y’hear me?

well, how about Dr. Fauci?

perfect! shouted Comer Fudd. hot damn! git the rope, we’s a-gonna have us a good old-fashioned hearing an’ hang that rat bastard.

yesterday, the House GOP did exactly that. they trotted out every nutty conspiracy theory under the sun, and tried to pin all of our nation’s woes on Dr. Fauci.

to be a Republican in good standing these days, you need believe the following two “facts” about COVID:

1. COVID is totally harmless, no worse than a cold, and all this worry about a pandemic is just a Democrat hoax.

2. COVID is a dangerous bio-weapon deliberately engineered by the Chinese Communist Party to kill us all.

oh, and there’s a third thing:

Dr. Fauci is personally responsible for creating COVID, and he made a skillionty dollars off it.

Rep: Nicole Malliotakis: “Dr. Fauci, how much have you earned from royalties from pharmaceutical companies since the pandemic began in 2021?”
Dr. Fauci: “zero.”
Malliotakis: “it says NHS scientists made $710 million in royalties from drug makers. you’re saying that you did not receive any of the $710 million?”
Fauci: “on COVID? I received I think a hundred and twenty-two dollars for a monoclonal antibody that I made 27 years ago.”
Malliotakis: “ok, just in general though, how much have you received — not related to COVID — just in general, how much have you received in general in royalties between 2021 and 2023?
Fauci: “I think none.”

hey Nicole — if you need to find someone who profited off the government, I happen to know of a guy who gouged the Secret Service thousands of dollars a night for rooms at his vermin-infested Florida golf motel. give me a ring. let’s talk.

one by one, House Republicans took turns hectoring Dr. Fauci with the dumbest fucking questions imaginable, attempting to wheedle from him a confession to the dastardly crime of protecting the country during a pandemic.

Rep Michael Cloud: “over the course of the pandemic, I ask you to give me a yes or no if you believe these measures were justified: business closures.”
Dr. Fauci: “when five thousand people were dying per day, yes.”
Cloud: “church closures.”
Fauci: “same thing.”
Cloud: “school closures.”
Fauci: “again.”
Cloud: “stay-at-home orders.”
Fauci: “these were important when we were trying to stop the tsunami of deaths that were occurring early on.”

holy shit, Republicans want you to forget the entire world was dealing with a deadly virus for which there was no treatment and no cure — a virus that caused millions of people to suffocate to death on their own mucus. the only protective measure we had back then was for people to keep far the fuck away from each other.

yes, we locked everything down so that people wouldn’t die a horrible death — but Republicans want you to believe that Dr. Fauci personally cooked up this whole lockdown thing because he got off on inconveniencing people.

the shouty half-dressed degenerate wrestling coach also got into the act, spewing incoherent hogwash about conspiracies so batshit that Dr. Fauci couldn’t even figure out what Gibbering Jim was on about.

Jim Jordan: “why was it so important the virus not have started in the lab?”
Dr. Fauci: “it wasn’t so important that the virus not— we don’t know.”
Jordan: “well it was important to someone in the Biden administration, so much so that the top people at Meta, the top people at Facebook, are asking why are we getting all this pressure to downplay the lab leak theory, and we have an email from June of the same year, June 4th, 2021, saying the same thing. it was certainly important to somebody.”
Fauci: “what has that got to do with me?”

but the biggest disgrace of the day was the three-toed screech-monkey, Marjorie Taylor Greene.

Marge Greene is what would happen if a 4-chan comment thread became a real girl. she’s ignorant, dumb as several bags of rocks, and aggressively proud of how little she understands about anything. she turned what was already a three-ring circus into a full-bore technicolor shit-show.

she was, as always, extremely rude.

Sporky: “Mr. Fauci, you were quoted on CBS Face the Nation saying ‘it’s easy to criticize, but they’re really criticizing science, because I represent science.’ do you represent science, Mr. Fauci?”
Fauci: “I am a scientist who uses the scientific method to gain information.”
Sporky: “yes, you said you represent science. do you represent science, Mr. Fauci? yes or no? yes or no?”
Fauci: “no, that’s not a yes or no answer.”
Sporky: “yes, it’s a yes or no.”

jeez, Sporkbrain — what’s your point? yes, as a scientist, Dr. Fauci represents science. just as you, as a stupid fucking ignoramus, represent ignorance.

note that Three Toes refuses to call Fauci “doctor” — and goes out of her way to call attention to it.

“do the American people deserve to be abused like that, MISTER Fauci? ‘cause you’re not doctor. you’re Mr. Fauci in my few minutes. no, I don’t need your answer.”

and, later in the clip,

“that man does not deserve a license. as a matter of fact it should be revoked, and he belongs in prison.”

and she hasn’t the slightest fucking clue how science works.

“… in plastic bubbles because of your science — your repulsive evil science. and let’s go back to your very own email. you said earlier you didn’t use email. oh, you do. right here. this is your own email. where you said, ‘the typical mask you buy in the drug store is not really effective in keeping out virus. I do not recommend that you wear a mask.’ this is your email. this is your own words. but yet children — children! — all over America were forced to wear masks. healthy children, forced to wear masks. muzzled in their schools. and then they were forced to learn at home, because of your so-called science.”

Marge, sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up.

this is a favorite talking point among the smoothbrains, that Fauci “admitted” in this email that masks don’t work. aha! see? the jig is up, MISTER Fauci!

reality, as always, is a bit more nuanced.

Fauci’s email reflected the consensus at the time among US health experts, including the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) and the surgeon general, America’s leading public health spokesman.

That consensus changed as new information emerged and concerns over the limited supply of masks for medical personnel subsided.

your key phrase is ‘consensus changed as new information emerged’ — because that’s literally how science works. you make a hypothesis, and then as you gain more knowledge, you adjust your thinking.

but adjusting your way of thinking is too much to ask of Trump cultists who believe that changing your mind is a sign of weakness.

so, what was Comer Fudd’s takeaway after yesterday’s clown show?

‘Strong possibility’ Congress will recommend the DOJ arrest Fauci: James Comer

Rep. James Comer, R-Ky., tells ‘Jesse Watters Primetime’ that the House Oversight Committee will do ‘everything we can’ to hold Anthony Fauci accountable.

ugh. you fucking idiots. look, it’s so sad that Dear Leader got caught criming and now he’s a convicted felon, but don’t take it out on Dr. Fauci.

it is too much to ask for you to stop wasting the country’s time on your infantile bullshit.