sore loser Republicans are melting down over getting their asses kicked. boo fucking hoo

let us laugh at their impotent rage

Republicans are having a Big Mad right now over getting the shit absolutely kicked out of them at the ballot box on Tuesday. let us count the ways, and laugh at their impotent stumblefuck rage.

let’s check in with good old reliable tantrum-factory Little Donny Fuckface and see how the big guy is coping.

Donny absolutely loved the shit out of Kentucky gubernatorial candidate Daniel Cameron …

… right up until the moment that Cameron became a failed Kentucky gubernatorial candidate, at which point it was fuckity bye, loser.

wow. that is some world-class memory-holing right there.

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now, somebody please explain to me what in the jewel-encrusted fuck is going on here.

evidently this guy is super-hot to have some kind of holy war in Ohio — a crusade which will apparently be fought by gigantic horsemen wearing helmets with no eyeholes, accompanied by miniature soldiers and, in the lower left corner, a microscopic tank.

I’m loving this scenario. perfectly executed. ten out of ten. no notes.

bring it on, numb-nuts.

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it takes a special kind of stupid to endure an electoral drubbing and draw from it the conclusion that we need to be pushing our unpopular policies harder — and remaindered romance novelist J.D. Vance is just that kind of stupid.

J.D., I’m begging you, please do this. take those toxic forced-birth policies that have been an absolute fucking disaster for your party in one election after another, and try to push them at a federal level. oh my god, it will be an electoral apocalypse.

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and it takes a special kind of evil to respond to the will of the voters with fuck the will of the voters — and Republicans in Ohio and Michigan are just that kind of evil.

Republican officials in Ohio were vowing to overthrow the voters’ choice to enshrine abortion rights in the state’s constitution. “The legislature has multiple paths that we will explore to continue to protect innocent life,” Ohio House Speaker Jason Stephens declared. “This is not the end of the conversation.” Republican Senate President Matt Huffman agreed, saying, “This isn’t the end. It is really just the beginning of a revolving door of ballot campaigns to repeal or replace Issue 1.”

and —

Right to Life of Michigan could be hanging part of its challenge on this part of Alito’s ruling: "It is time to heed the Constitution and return the issue of abortion to the people’s elected representatives.” They argue that the state’s voters usurped the power of the Legislature with the constitutional amendment. Since Michigan’s constitution allows voters to do that, it’s a tenuous legal argument, but it would probably work for Alito and Clarence Thomas, as well. Good luck with the rest of them.

frothy mixture Rick Santorum may love marrying his dog, but he sure hates democracy.

Former Senator Rick Santorum complained that the major election losses Republicans suffered are actually a sign of how “pure democracies” are a bad form of government.

“You put very sexy things like abortion and marijuana on the ballot, and a lot of young people come out and vote. It was a secret sauce for disaster in Ohio,” Santorum whined Tuesday night on Newsmax.

the utter fucking nerve of young people, voting. how dare they.

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over in DC, Big Jimmy Comer decided that the best way to distract everyone from the disaster at the polls was to issue subpoenas to Hunter and James Biden — and, just to put the icing on Comer’s I’m-a-shithead cake, Beau Biden’s widow Hallie.

Comer’s office released a weirdly silent video of Big Boy Jimmy sitting at his Big Boy Desk, signing the subpoenas with his Big Boy Pen.

that’s right, with a government shutdown looming in just eight days with no solution in sight, Big Jimmy has decided that the best use of his time is to issue worthless documents so he can hold another round of pointless hearings that will blow right the fuck up in his big stupid face.

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meanwhile, let’s all enjoy this clip of people yelling “fraud family” at daddy’s little girl as she made her way to court yesterday.

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oh, and a bunch of third-tier Republicans who are never going to be president held a debate cafeteria foodfight last night.

nobody gave a shit.