shh! don’t wake the elderly golfer — Oval Bordello meetings make him sleepy

shittiest. timeline. ever.

Jan 15, 2026

how surreal is it that the world’s most dangerous fuckwit is also the world’s drowsiest?

Donny Convict held himself another Oval Bordello playdate yesterday — this one with Bobby Brainworms Jr and various other MAGAverse found objects in attendance. they were there to watch Donny sign an executive order reversing an Obama-era policy requiring schools to serve low-fat milk — as one does, when one is so jealous of a black man’s accomplishments that one does everything in one’s power to erase every trace of them.

Donny’s flunkies may not have known it at the time, but they were also there to watch a narcoleptic old fart factory do his thing.

yup, once again, smack dab in the middle of a meeting — with cameras rolling, surrounded by people — Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants closed his weary eyes and drifted off to slumberland.

I have an idea. how about Donny signs an executive order requiring him to stay awake in public? THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER, YOU DROWSY SHITWIT.

look at this little girl. she’s dumbfounded by what she’s seeing — and smelling.

and so she looks to her mom for an explanation.

this child does not realize how lucky she is. one day, she’ll be able to tell her grandchildren how saw the president of the United States close his eyes and fill the Oval Bordello with the piquant aroma of ass music.

now here’s a blast from the past.

Donny: “milk would help your cognitive abilities?”

Ben Carson: “absolutely. you can tell who has been drinking milk.”

Donny: “I took a cognitive test. I’ve taken a lot of them. I’ve aced all of them because I drink milk.”

fuck me, I had completely forgotten that Ben Carson existed. I’ll bet Ben Carson had completely forgotten that he existed.

but listen to Donny prattle on once again about how he was required — multiple times — to take the test that doctors give to people they suspect of having brain damage. he has no idea what a fool he keeps making of himself, every time he brags about successfully pointing to the drawing of the camel.

now let’s gaze in awe as Donny dumbfucksplains milk.

“it’s actually a legal definition — ‘whole milk.’ and it’s whole with a ‘w’ for those of you that have a problem.”

thank you so much for clarifying that, numbnuts.

remember, every accusation is a confession. you can put money on the fact that Donny had been spelling it ‘hole milk’ all along, until someone pointed it out.

while that dog-and-pony show was going on in the Oval Bordello, elsewhere in the White House, Lars Løkke Rasmussen, the top Danish diplomat, and Vivian Motzfeldt, Greenland’s top diplomat, were meeting with United States Vice President Couchfuck McGee.

that’s how fucking far we are through the looking glass we are: imagine being a top diplomat and having to explain to a guy who molests furniture why he shouldn’t invade your country.

but wait — where was Donny? why wasn’t he in on this meeting to avoid a war? oh right, he was busy milksplaining. but this is where we are today: the United States President is too demented to be trusted with any important work — so his flunkies keep him busy signing nonsensical executive orders, while the actual business of running the country goes on around him.

as always, this is perfectly normal stuff.

so, how did Couchfuck’s meeting go?

oh dear.

here’s what Lars Løkke Rasmussen said after the meeting.

“For us, ideas that would not respect the territorial of the Kingdom of Denmark and the right of self-determination of the Greenlandic people are of course totally unacceptable. We therefore still have a fundamental disagreement.”

which sounds like diplomat-speak for ‘cut us some slack. we’re doing the best we can, but we’re dealing with power-mad morons here.’

tell me, is it a bad thing when NATO countries have to contemplate shooting at invading US forces?

A possible war with NATO is escalating after Denmark made it clear to military leaders that if the United States fires on its forces, Danish defenders must fight back.

I’m so tired of living in ‘interesting times.’ it’s fucking exhausting. hey, China, you can have your saying back.

as if all that weren’t batshit enough, here’s your daily does of What In The Actual Fuck, Has The Whole World Gone Completely Insane?

Revenue from the oil sales is currently being held in bank accounts controlled by the US government, as indicated in Friday’s order, according to the administration official. The main account, according to a second senior administration official, is located in Qatar.

okay, so Donny sold off the oil he stole from Venezuela for a cool half-billion dollars, and stuck it in a bank account that he controls — in fucking Qatar? the county that gifted Donny a vulgar flying bordello? the one where Donny’s building another fugly golden tower?

how shittacularly corrupt and greedy can one person be? I swear, there’s no bottom to Donny’s grift-barrel.

none of this fuckery is legal.

“There is no basis in law for a president to set up an offshore account that he controls so that he can sell assets seized by the American military,” Sen. Elizabeth Warren, D-Mass., the party’s top Banking Committee member, told Semafor last week. “That is precisely a move that a corrupt politician would be attracted to.”

no fucking duh. Donny can’t do any of this shit — but look at me, going on about ‘what Donny can’t do’ again. it’s up to the limpest dick in Congress, Holy Mike Johnson, to put and end to this — which he could do in a heartbeat, if he wanted to — but that’s never going to happen. he’s too far up Dear Leader’s ass, and he forgot to take the Speaker’s gavel with him.

keep the image of Donny offshoring half a bil in your mind, as you listen to Secretary of Agriculture Brooke Rollins explain how to feed yourself for only three bucks a day.

“we’ve run over one thousand simulations. it can cost around $3 a meal for a piece of chicken, a piece of broccoli, corn tortilla, and one other thing. so there is a way to do this that actually will save the average American consumer money.”

great. Donny’s rip-roaring economy is going so swimmingly that we’re at the ‘let them eat broccoli’ stage.

do these people ever listen to themselves? it’s a legit question to ask, because on what fucking planet does any of what Rollins is proposing make sense? and yet they pass off this ludicrous poppycock about how to get by with nothing as if it were some kind of sage advice.

here’s helpful Bluesky user goldenearthgirl to illustrate just what our esteemed Secretary of Agriculture is recommending as a well-balanced meal.

oh my god, how completely fucking yummy. scrum-diddly-umptious, in fact.

so that’s that cool. while Donny enriches himself off of stolen Venezuelan oil, you get to chow down on a sliver of chicken, one broccoli floret, a tortilla, and — you lucky ducky! — one other thing.

and it you’re still hungry after that glorious repast, maybe gnaw on one of those two government-approved dolls that Donny says you’re allowed to have.

lastly, Venezuela opposition leader María Corina Machado is meeting Donny in the Oval Bordello later this morning. how much do you want to bet that she actually forks over her Nobel Peace Prize? and how much do you want to be that she doesn’t get shit for it in return?

we really do live in the dumbfuckiest timeline ever.

here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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