shh! don’t wake the elderly golfer. handshakes make him sleepy

snap out of it, Donny, it’s G7 time.

Jun 16, 2026

Preznit Fuckwit is in France right now.

immediately following the conclusion of Sunday’s vulgar Epstein Cage Match™ on what used to be the White House South Lawn, his handlers bundled him into Fuckface Force One and flew him all the way across the ocean to a G7 meeting in Evian-les-Baines.

now let’s allow Donny to teach a master class in why taking an 80-year-old dotard in advanced physical and mental decline and shipping him halfway across the globe in the dead of night is basically a form of elder abuse.

“so I want to congratulate the president. last night, Ciryl Gane won the— fight. against a great fighter. supposed to be unbeatable, and uhh— that was a— Ciryl is from— France.”

listen to this hoarse, raspy, barely-conscious dipshit drone on about his beloved slap-fight as he struggles to complete a coherent sentence.

shut the fuck up, Donny. you’re out of your element. not everyone is as creepily obsessed with oiled-up, sweaty men in fluorescent thongs whaling the crap out of each other as you are.

by the way, because I’m a Responsible Journalist and Everything™, I googled the spelling of ‘Ciryl Gane,’ because who wants to screw that up? you’re welcome.

look at Emmanuel Macron, cool, collected, one hand casually in his pocket. Macron is pretty much the James Bond of world leaders. I mean, you can easily imagine him going ‘un martini. secoué, pas remué.’

meanwhile, Donny fails to achieve his trademark asinine alpha-fucknut handshake. instead, he basically grips Macron’s hand for dear life so he doesn’t topple over. and the dozy bastard can barely keep his eyes open.

how the fuck do you fall asleep while shaking someone’s hand? it’s so embarrassing.

look at this weak-ass shit.

oh god, that’s so sad. that’s such a far cry from that dumbfuck handshake Donny used to inflict on people when he was in his prime — the one where he grabs the other person’s arm and roughly yanks it, because fuck you, that’s why.

in fact, Donny’s such an asshole about handshakes that there’s a whole wikipedia page about it.

anyway, looks like things are going swimmingly for Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants at the G7 today. here’s a photo that was released just a few minutes ago, as I’m writing this post at 9 o’clock in the morning, New York time.

HELLO, YOU DEMENTED OLD FUCK. DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHO I AM?

what the fuck is going on with Dear Leader’s hair? it’s fucking transparent. you can see his bald head under it. Jesus wept.

get ready for a whole week of this shit. Donny is a shell of his former self, and — aside from the brain-dead cultists who will be standing in front of his coffin and telling you how lively and energetic his corpse looks — the whole world knows it.

we’re never going to get a repeat of one of my favorite Donny-on-the-world-stage moments, that 2017 NATO photo-op where he rudely shoved the Prime Minister of Montenegro out of the way.

that’s a one-and-done — because if Donny tried that shit today, the frail old coot would probably shatter every bone in his arm.

and then fall asleep.

meanwhile, the other big story of the day is that America has finally signed a peace deal with Iran. yay, Donny, the greatest dealmaker of all time!

no, hang on — [taps earpiece] I’m being told that what we signed is not an actual peace deal. it’s more of a ‘memorandum of understanding’ for the concept of a sketch of a framework of a peace deal.

no, sorry, that’s not right, either. [taps earpiece again] what’s been agreed to is a 60-day ceasefire so that Donny’s ace team of slumlords-turned-negotiators can work out a framework for a sketch of a concept.

so, not a peace deal at all, then? then why the fuck are all the worthless scribblers lauding Dear Leader for being the greatest peace-dealer of all time? oh right, silly me — it’s because they’re worthless scribblers.

well, can we at least be told what’s in this deal that’s not actually a deal? go fuck yourself for even asking. as usual, Donny and his minders aren’t divulging shit about what they’ve agreed to. what they are saying is ‘trust us, it’s going to be amazing’ — which is your first clue that this whole thing is going to be a ginormous, steamy turd.

David J. Urban: “I agree, if it was good news, it would have been leaked. we’d all know about it. Donald Trump would stay around to sign it, and pass out pens. but the fact that he is getting out of town does not bode well. anyone with any shred of political sense knows that politicians and cameras go hand in glove, right? so if this was something good, and of global significance, Donald Trump would be there. I think that this is to be viewed very skeptically.”

in his bio on Elon’s Nazi Bar and Child Porn Emporium, David J. Urban describes himself a a ‘GOP operative.’ ace job, Donny, you’ve even lost the confidence of your own party.

Urban frames it exactly right, though, and we all know it. Donny is the biggest attention hog in the world — and if there were anything positive in this whatever-it-is he’s agreed to, he’d have held a whole Oval Bordello dog-and-pony show about it. he would have sat behind the Resolute Desk and scrawled his weird klan-hood signature across the thing and then held it up for all to see, while his toadies stood behind him and clapped their hands in unison like trained seals and praised him to high heaven.

and then the narcoleptic old fart factory would have fallen asleep.

that none of that shit went down — that Donny’s handlers bundled him onto that plane, and that he’s now in France, playing hide-the-fist with Emmanuel Macron — is a huge tell that Iran played Donny like the world’s cheapest fiddle, and Donny knows it.

even Senate Republicans are backing away from this piece of shit non-agreement agreement.

the reality is that Donny’s fucked this shit up so badly that The New York Times’ Editorial Board was forced into committing an honesty.

The preliminary deal ending President Trump’s four-month war with Iran is welcome but brings with it hard truths. Mr. Trump made a terrible mistake starting this war. He prosecuted it recklessly and in open defiance of the law. The United States is emerging weaker — militarily, diplomatically and economically — and will pay strategic costs for years to come.
The details of the deal are unclear, but the announced framework suggests that Mr. Trump has won few of the terms he insisted that he would. It is a humiliating comedown for him and the nation he leads.

awesome job, Donny. you clownfucked yourself into an unwinnable war on Iran, killed US service members and innocent Iranians, flushed billions of dollars straight down the shitter, disrupted international shipping routes, destabilized the entire Middle East, raised the price of everything, depleted our weapons stockpile, and sent the entire world teetering on the precipice of a recession — and, in the end, agreed to some sort of ‘peace deal’ that’s apparently so bad that you won’t tell us what it says.

and now that you’ve shit the bed royally and rolled around in it, now you’re going to hold out your rotting hand and demand an endless supply of cookies for being such a good boy.

fuck you.

no way, José. you don’t get a fucking cookie, is that clear?

lastly, let’s talk about Donny’s renovation of the historic Epstein Reflecting Pool.

after Donny spent weeks ragging on Obama and Biden because they couldn’t win a cage match against algae, and held umpteen press conferences to brag about how his totally rebuilt pool would be able to leap over skyscrapers in a single bound, the repainted and refilled pool finally opened to the public a couple of days ago.

and it only took about twenty minutes for the fucking thing to turn bright green from an algae infestation — the very problem the $14 million dollar refurb was supposed to fix.

The Trump administration has hit out at former President Obama after the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool water turned green, despite a much-touted $14 million renovation.
Work on the pool was completed last week, after President Donald Trump vowed to paint the space an “American flag blue.” However, the familiar green algae often spotted in the pool returned just days later.

Donny’s an incompetent moron who fucks up everything he touches, but somehow this is Obama’s fault.

imagine being a racist game show host, so jealous of a black man’s accomplishments that you’re still assigning blame to him for all your own failings, ten years after he left office. that’s some industrial-strength racism right there.

here’s what these incompetent shit-kazoos are doing this morning to try to mitigate the problem — they’re dumping hydrogen peroxide into the pool.

now, because I’m a Responsible Journalist and Everything™, you’ll no doubt be able to guess what I did next. that’s right, I asked Google’s janky six-fingered plagiarism robot, ‘can hydrogen peroxide fix the Lincoln Reflecting Pool’ — and the answer was basically, ‘are you fucking kidding me? of course not.’

The reflecting pool holds roughly 4 million gallons of water. Using hydrogen peroxide to treat such a massive volume requires immense quantities of highly concentrated chemicals, making manual pouring of consumer-grade jugs inefficient.

it’s all so fucking stupid.

can we somehow get Emmanuel Macron in here to fix this? I mean, the guy is so fucking cool. I’ll bet he could turn that pool blue just by looking at it, and then we could all knock off for some les martinis, secoués, pas remués.

let’s have us our Daily Claudia.

here are two photos from the 2020s that our Brooklyn bffs, Deborah and Larry, sent to me. in the first, Ms. Spouse holds court on our patio.

in the second, we’re at the Poughkeepsie restaurant Shadows on the Hudson. Claudia listens intently, while I’m too big an asshole to look up from my phone.

have a great Tuesday, everyone. don’t be too big an asshole to look up from your phone.

here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.