Sewer Clowns explain Donny’s tariffs: ‘fucked if we know’

and Commander Crazypants is demanding a third term

“April 2nd is Liberation Day in America!!!”

so decreed Mad King Donny in one of his late-night rage-blurts.

that’s the day Donny’s gonna tariff the shit out of … who, exactly? that’s the thing: no one has any clue. he keeps moving the goalposts, changing his mind on a daily basis, and it’s driving the markets crazy.

Donny’s got the emotional stability of a two-year-old melting down over a dropped ice cream cone, so he’s been threatening tariffs on whoever he happens to be beefing with on any given day. could be Canada, or the European Union. yesterday it was Russia, of all places.

it’s all one big fucktacular shitpile of incoherence — so naturally, the Sunday news show hosts had only one question for the Sewer Clowns: what the fuck’s the deal with these tariffs?

here’s energy vampire Colin Robinson Kevin Hassett, grinning like a loon as he stares straight into the abyss and admits he doesn’t know shit about shit.

“and so President Trump has a long run vision of a golden age of America, and we’re working really really hard to get it out there in time. but I can’t give you any uh forward-looking guidance on what’s going to happen this week. the president has got a heck of a lot of analysis for him and he’s going to make the right choice, I’m sure.”

that’s basically a lot of words just to say fuck if I know.

thing is, Kevin Hassett is the Director of the National Economic Council. it’s his freaking job to know what Donny has planned, and to explain it to us — and instead of doing that, he confesses I can’t give you any guidance. Donny’s gonna do what he’s gonna do.

if Kev doesn’t know what’s up Donny’s tariff sleeve, we’re basically all fuck’der than fucked.

of course, explaining Donny’s tariffs is quite simple if you don’t give a shit about coming anywhere close to the truth.

host: “what’s the message to the US consumer?”

Peter Navarro: “the message is that tariffs are tax cuts.”

obviously, tariffs are most certainly not tax cuts, but here’s a fun fact about Navarro: he’s so allergic to telling the truth that he’d rather rot in prison than be honest. in 2023, Pete spent four months behind bars for refusing to appear before the January 6th Committee and tell them what he knew about Donny’s post-election fuckery.

that’s right: when given the choice between testifying under oath to Congress and going to jail, Petey was all orange-jump-suit me, bro.

so of course he’ll happily lie his smirking little face off about Donny’s tariffs.

here’s another fun fact about Petey: he has no situational awareness.

now, imagine being too fucking toxic to be allowed to carry Donny’s water on TV.

last week, Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick made the wrong kind of headlines when he announced that not getting a Social Security check was no big deal and only scammers would complain about it.

apparently, telling Granny to shut the fuck up and eat cat food was a bridge too far even for Sewer Clowns — so this week, Howie the Lut was nowhere to be found.

“we had hoped to speak to Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick today, but the White House declined our request. we do hope to have him on in the near future, to discuss tariffs.”

Howie’s in the doghouse, but don’t worry — it’s a twenty-nine million dollar doghouse in DC’s Foxhall district.

the Space Nazi was bribing voters in Wisconsin last night. he was allowed to do this because some fucked-up judges ruled that Elon is a Very Special Boy Who Gets To Buy All The Elections.

A unanimous state Supreme Court on Sunday refused to hear a last-minute attempt by the state’s Democratic attorney general to stop Musk from handing over the checks to two voters, a ruling that came just minutes before the planned start of the rally.

here’s a fun thing: as many protestors showed up as did fanboys.

and here’s your moment of cringe: check out Elon’s reaction to being heckled.

he’s so awkward, dorky, unfunny, ill at ease, and desperate to be liked — and every bit as incoherent as Donny. how has this unremarkable douche-canoe fooled so many people for so long?

finally, in a development that should shock absolutely no one, Donny has decreed that he can absolutely run for a third term, if he wants to — because of course he did. we all knew this was coming.

When asked whether he has been presented with plans to allow him to seek a third term, Trump said, “There are methods which you could do it.”

pro tip: there are indeed ‘methods which you could do it.’ none of them are legal, or constitutional — but try explaining that to Fishin’ Trip Sammy Alito, Luxury Vacation Clarence Thomas and Nihilist Neil Gorsuch. no one should put it past them to find a way for A Very Special Boy to run A Very Special Election.

our saving grace here is that Donny’s already 78 and in steep decline. he might not even make it to 2028 without what’s left of his pudding-brain having completely leaked out of his ears.

but you know what? if Donny can run for a third term in 2028, so can this dude.

#obama2028 is currently trending on not-twitter.

bring it on.

---

here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

---

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.