scenes from President Musk’s shutdown-that-wasn’t

welcome to a perfectly normal weekend in the good old US of A

United States President-Elect Elon Musk was definitely one of those kids who woke up early on Christmas morning, ran downstairs, grabbed his presents from under the tree, frantically ripped the wrapping off — and immediately smashed the shit out of each and every one of his new toys.

you know this is a fact, because when handed the biggest toy of his life — the entire country of America — the very first thing President-Elect Musk tried to do was break it.

President Musk and his Vice Presidential mascot Donny Convict done fucked up bigtime.

the Space Nazi wanted to shut down the government, because governments are inconvenient things that keep him from doing everything he wants. Donny wanted the debt ceiling shitcanned, so he could give economy-destroying tax cuts to his plutocrat pals. neither of them got their way, and all they have to show for their efforts is a huge crack in their autocratic bromance.

this business of referring to the Space Nazi as ‘President Musk’ is really getting under Donny’s preternaturally thin skin.

“CNN confirmed on-air just now that top Trump aides are furiously calling journalists to insist that Elon Musk has been following the orders of Trump rather than the other way around. As predicted, Trump is horrified and enraged at the idea that Musk is now seen as the President of the United States.”

Donny cannot handle being the butt of a joke — and he definitely can’t handle the perception that he’s not the alpha dog calling all the shots.

remember, this broken-inside narcissist is all about his public image. Donny needs to appear all-powerful. Elon isn’t supposed to be the one making headlines. Elon is supposed to be the grateful supplicant with tears of gratitude welling up in his eyes, as he goes ‘sir! sir! no one has ever governed as wisely as you. how do you do it? sir!’

it’s only a matter of time before these two have a thermonuclear breakup — and then we can all throw our heads back and laugh as Dear Leader tells his new FBI Director Krazee Eyes Kash to look into Elon’s finances.

here’s a fun true fact: autocrats go after their own people first. it’s right there on page one of the Despot Playbook: to consolidate power, you remove the chance that any of your allies could threaten your authority.

Stalin did it.

so did Donny’s spirit animal Adolf.

this kind of open defiance from Republicans isn’t going to help, either.

Rep. Thomas Massie (R-KY) boasted that House Republicans defied Donald Trump on Friday night after the GOP conference did not accede to the president-elect’s demand.

hey, you know who can go fuck himself sideways? Rand Paul, that’s who.

after the House passed the spending bill that kept the government running, it was the Senate’s turn to vote — and that’s then Rand Fucking Paul decided that the time was ripe to raise the Social Security retirement age from 67 to 70.

Rand’s amendment failed by a vote of 93-3, which is about as bifuckingpartisan as the Senate ever gets.

oh, and then Rand tried to pull this shit.

Bennet: “I will ask for unanimous consent to pass the bipartisan give kids a chance act. I would like to highlight how important this legislation is for children with cancer…”

Paul: “I object”

we should all be lucky that we don’t live in Rand Paul’s America, where if you manage to survive pediatric cancer, you can look forward to a life spent working until you drop dead.

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here’s a perfectly normal thing that Vice President Trump did last night.

he posted a threat to send the military down to Panama and seize their canal, if Panama doesn’t lower the fees it charges ships using the canal.

I have a question: which sewer clown put this bug up Donny’s ass — and who wrote this multi-hundred-word post for him? because look at this guy.

this is an unretouched photo taken at Motel-a-Lago this weekend. Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants is deteriorating by the day.

I guarantee you that Donny is barely aware that the Panama Canal exists. there’s no way that he carries any knowledge of its purpose or history in his big vacant pumpkin head.

so who wrote this post? here’s a guy who thinks it’s President Musk.

“magnanimous gesture” is exactly the kind of self-important puffery that a megalomaniacal narcissist like the Space Nazi would use.

as Senator Chris Murphy has observed, “what Elon Musk thinks tends to eventually be what Donald Trump thinks.”

by the way, there’s a good reason why Panama has been raising the canal usage fees.

For months, a withering drought has created major traffic jams at the Panama Canal. The drought, which may have been exacerbated by climate change, has left the canal’s water levels lower than ever, forcing Panama to let fewer ships through. The restrictions have led to delays, increased shipping costs, and uncertainty over the future of one of the world’s critical trade chokepoints.

but sure, instead of addressing the root cause of the problem — climate change — let’s issue infantile threats to send in our military and just grab whatever we want.

because we’re Amurrica — and that’s how we roll.

hey, you know what? Donny and the Space Nazi are both cordially invited to go fuck themselves. now that would truly be a magnanimous gesture.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.