Sam Alito refuses to recuse — because fuck you, that’s why

nobody tells Red-Hat Sammy what to do

here’s a fun, cool fact about Sam Alito — long before he was a shitty Supreme Court Justice, he was known as “Strip-Search Sammy.”

here’s how our man got his well-earned nickname.

back in 1998, cops in Pennsylvania were executing a drug raid. the suspect’s wife and ten-year-old daughter happened to be home at the time — and the cops decided it would be super fucking awesome to strip search them, too. because cops.

the family sued the police, because why the fuck wouldn’t they? and indeed, every judge on the appeals court unanimously agreed that strip searching a child was an extremely fucked-up thing to do — and also, a violation of the Fourth Amendment, since the child’s name was not on the search warrant.

no, wait — it wasn’t every judge on the appeals court. actually, there was one dissenting judge who was totally down with traumatizing a child. can you guess who that judge was?

if you said Sam Alito, congratulations.

this incident was brought to light during Alito’s SCOTUS confirmation hearings back in 2006, and Democrats were all what the fuck, dude? here’s what Alito said to Dick Durbin at the time:

“But the issue in the case was not whether there is some sort of rule that minors can’t be searched. That is not part of Fourth Amendment law, as I understand it, and there would be a very bad consequence if that were the rule because where would drug dealers hide their drugs? Minors would then become—they would become the repository of the drugs and the firearms.”

got that? if the police can’t molest children, these kids will end up as human piggy banks when it comes time to play Hide The Drugs.

so, Strip-Search Sammy has a long history of being an unapologetic ur-fascist scumbucket.

now, Alito is refusing to recuse himself from the Trump cases before the Supreme Court. why? because fuck you, that’s why.

of course, Sammy can’t just come out and say that. so he’s decided to blow smoke up our asses, via a letter to Democratic leaders in the House and Senate.

the first thing Sammy wants you to understand is that he don’t know nothin’ about no flags.

“My wife is fond of flying flags. I am not,” he added, “My wife was solely responsible for having flagpoles put up at our residence and our vacation home and has flown a wide variety of flags over the years.”

wives, whatcha gonna do?

the second thing Henpecked Sammy wants you to know is that he don’t know nothin’ about no symbolism.

The justice wrote that he was “not aware of any connection between this historic flag and the ‘Stop the Steal movement,’ and neither was my wife.”

Martha-Ann Alito “did not fly it to associate herself with that or any other group,” the justice wrote, “and the use of an old, historic flag by a new group does not necessarily drain that flag of all other meanings.”

bull fucking shit. Red-Hat Sammy, who is so marinated in Trumpian lore that he sold his Budweiser stock at exactly the same time cultists were calling for a boycott of Bud beer. but sure, Stock-Dumpin’ Sammy, tell us one more time how you have no idea what an Appeal to Heaven flag represents. it’s such a great story.

the third and most-important thing that Flag, What Flag Sammy wants you to know is that his wife gets to make her own choices.

“As soon as I saw it, I asked my wife to take it down, but for several days, she refused.”

well, how nice for Martha-Ann Alito — in Wife-Deferrin’ Sammy’s world, she’s the only woman — or girl — in America who gets to enjoy her own autonomy. if you’re a ten year or child raped by her degenerate stepfather — or a ten year old child being strip-searched, go fuck yourself.

but if you’re Strip Search Sammy’s wife — hey, whatcha gonna do? the woman loves her some flags.

but those aren’t the real reasons Sammy won’t recuse.

Sammy won’t recuse because fuck you, that’s why. after all, who’s going to make him?

Chief Justice John Roberts? that dude has his head stuck up his own ass. he’s already refused an invitation to meet with Democratic Senators. forget about Responsibility-Duckin’ Johnny. he’s useless.

the newly-adopted SCOTUS code of ethics? oh please. that scrap of paper isn’t worth the toilet paper it’s written on.

is Dick Durbin going to stop Alito? as chair of the Senate Judiciary Committee, he’s the one person in America who could hold Nose-Thumbin’ Sammy to account — but so far he’s been content just to twiddle his thumbs and send polite letters, and then harrumph and shrug in his own helpless, helpless version of whatcha gonna do? SCOTUS is SCOTUS.

oh, and Sammy and Matty sound like they’re the neighbors from hell.

Neighbors say Alitos used security detail car to intimidate them after sign dispute

Emily Baden says after a disagreement over political lawn signs with the US supreme court justice’s wife, a black car began parking at her mother’s home

Neighbors of Samuel Alito and his wife described how a disagreement over political lawn signs put up in the wake of the 2020 presidential election quickly devolved into “unhinged behavior towards a complete stranger” by the supreme court justice’s wife.

so it’s not enough for the Alitos just to be argumentative in-your-face assholes to the people they live next door to. they need to abuse their power, as well.

why are Strip-Search Sammy and Flag-Wavin’ Matty such horrible neighbors? because fuck you, that’s why.

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because fuck you, that’s why is how we got here.

in 2000, the Supreme Court stopped the vote count in Florida and installed George W. Bush as president, because fuck you, that’s why.

in 2006, George W. Bush nominated Sam Alito to the Supreme Court over Democratic objections, because fuck you, that’s why.

in 2016, Mitch McConnell refused to hold SCOTUS nomination hearings for Merrick Garland, because fuck you, that’s why.

in 2020, Mitch McConnell rammed the nomination of Amy Coney Barrett through the Senate with barely any hearings at all, because fuck you, that’s why.

and now an illegitimate and corrupt Supreme Court made up of a two-thirds majority of bought-and-paid-for Federalist Society hacks is taking away all of our hard-fought rights one by one, because fuck you, that’s why.

and Strip-Search Sammy is going to continue to do whatever the hell he wants, because fuck you, that’s why.

Dick Durbin, wake the fuck up and do your job.