Rudy Giuliani has thoroughly clownfucked his own stupid life

boo hoo hoo, you self-destructive trainwreck

what do you imagine goes on inside Rudy Giuliani’s vodka-saturated brain?

he’s been a lawyer, a prosecutor, and an elected official. he knows how the legal system works. he knows you don’t blow off deadlines. he knows you don’t file incoherent briefs. he knows you don’t thumb your nose at a judge. and yet, Rudy keeps making things worse for himself by doing exactly all of these things.

yesterday, an exasperated Judge Lewis J. Liman finally went there and found Rudy in contempt of court.

can someone’s life get fuck’der than fucked? because Rudy Colludy’s was already in the shitter. he’d already been disbarred for legal malpractice.

he’d already been found liable for defaming Ruby Freeman and Shaye Moss. he’d already been ordered to liquidate his assets and fork over $148 million to Freeman and Moss — and he’d already been dragged into court to explain why none of that shit has happened yet.

and Rudy’s reaction to all of this has been to stick an empty vodka bottle into each ear and go LA LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU.

yesterday, Judge Lewis J. Liman finally dropped the hammer.

NEW YORK — Rudy Giuliani was found in contempt of court Monday for failing to properly respond to requests for information as he turned over assets to satisfy a $148 million defamation judgment granted to two Georgia election workers.

Judge Lewis J. Liman ruled after hearing Giuliani testify for a second day at a contempt hearing called after lawyers for the election workers said the former New York City mayor had failed to properly comply with requests for evidence over the last few months.

“pretend that none of this is happening” is not a sound legal strategy. Rudy should know this. Rudy’s fly-by-night back-of-the-yellow-pages lawyer should know this. and yet, all they can do is whine about how unfair it all is.

Joseph Cammarata, Giuliani's attorney, noted in an email afterward that the election workers were not in the courtroom either and he called the outcome “no surprise.”

“This case is about lawfare and the weaponization of the legal system in New York City,” he said.

Cammarata said the state criminal case against President-elect Donald Trump and the civil litigation against Giuliani were “very similar. It’s the left wing Democrats trying to use liberal Judges in New York to win when they should lose on the merits.”

oh, boo fucking hoo. stop bellyaching about lawfare and liberal judges. who do you think you are? only Dear Leader can get away with that shit. he’s A Very Special Boy, Rudy, and you’re not. you’re a dissipated old tosspot.

but hang on, that’s not the good part. here’s the good part.

Rudy Giuliani reportedly snapped at a courtroom sketch artist during a hearing Monday, claiming that they made him look like his dog. Per Reuters, Giuliani told artist Jane Rosenberg, “You made me look like my dog!” during a break in the hearing, where a judge found the former New York City mayor in contempt after failing to turn over information on his assets.

wait, Rudy has a dog? why hasn’t it been forfeited to Ruby and Shaye yet?

pro tip: live your life in such a way that courtroom sketch artists don’t hate your fucking guts.

bless your soul, Jane Rosenberg.

Judge Liman hasn’t yet decided on how he’ll sanction Rudy. I’m hoping that when he spins the Big Wheel of Penalties, it lands on jail. I’ll bet you are, too.

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area imbecile Donny Convict is still imagining that he’s going liberate the oppressed people of Greenland from the dystopian horrors of free medical care and a robust social safety net.

yesterday, he posted the following to his crappy app.

“I am hearing that the people of Greenland are ‘MAGA.’ My son, Don Jr, and various representatives, will be traveling there to visit some of the most magnificent areas and sights. Greenland is an incredible place, and the people will benefit tremendously if, and when, it becomes part of our Nation. We will protect it, and cherish it, from a very vicious outside World. MAKE GREENLAND GREAT AGAIN!”

“make Greenland great again” — also known as MGGG, which definitely sounds like someone trying to say MAGA with a gag shoved into their mouth.

so, Donny’s number one failson, Sniffles McNosecandy, is on his way to the Great Icy North — and the worthless scribblers of the corporate-controlled media are doing their best to present Dear Leader’s batshit quest to buy a fucking country as a Perfectly Normal Thing That Happens, and not at all the demented ravings of an delusional lunatic.

ostensibly, Cokey’s visit to Greenland is quote-unquote “unofficial.”

Trump Jr. said during his show Monday evening on the Rumble platform that he would be taking a “very long personal day trip” to Greenland with Charlie Kirk, a prominent pro-Trump activist. Trump Jr. said he is visiting “as a tourist” and would not meet with any government officials.

oh great, he’s taking that stumpy little fascist weenie, Charlie Kirk, with him. it’s a buddy trip from hell. but yeah, sure, Junior, you’re just there as a tourist. you could have gone anywhere in the world, and you chose the country your daddy is imagining he can buy. it’s just a coincidence. whatever you say.

but it’s clear that Dear Leader isn’t just joking around — or idly musing — about this whole let’s take over Greenland thing. he’s serious about it. sooner or later, Donny’s going to pick up the phone and call Múte B. Egede, the Premier of Greenland. how’s that conversation going to go?

“sell us your country”
“fuck off”

what comes next, threats? does Donny send some of the boys over to rough Egede up? nice potential gateway to a climate-change-enabled Northwest Passage you got here. be a real shame if something happened to it.

Mad King Donny is already out wandering where the buses don’t run, and he’s only going to get worse. dementia doesn’t magically cure itself.

today, Donny thinks he can buy a country. what’s he going to imagine tomorrow?

it’s going to be a very surreal four years.

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hey, peons — the richest dipshit in the universe thinks you have too much prosperity.

“This is how great civilizations throughout history have ended. People assume it was due to conquest, but it was actually often simply too much prosperity leading to low birth rate and population collapse, which ultimately enabled them to be conquered.”

spoken like a true aristocrat.

listen up, serf. stop whining about wanting nice things, and get back in your hovel and procreate.

this is who will be heading up Donny’s new Department of Breaking Shit You Don’t Understand — an out-of-touch gazillionaire who is convinced that if white people don’t reproduce fast enough, swarthy hordes from Africa and South America will come here and “conquer” us. the horror.

the Space Nazi will be looking at things like the Consumer Protection Agency and going nobody needs to be protected from overdraft fees, not when we’re trying to keep them poor and get them to breed like rabbits.

so, when our oligarch overlords pick your pockets in order to fatten their own, remember: it’s all for your own good.

now get out of the Space Nazi’s sight. he’s busy doing shit with his big brain that you can’t possibly comprehend. there’s your bedroom. don’t you have some fucking to do?

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.