rotting meat-sack Steve Bannon ordered to do his rotting in prison

and Alex Jones cries his way to the poorhouse

putrefying meat-bag Steve Bannon’s luck has finally run out. for months, he’d been allowed to walk free as he appealed his contempt of Congress conviction — but yesterday, a federal judge revoked Bannon’s bail and told him he has until July 1st to get his pungent ass to prison.

buh-bye, Steve.

there’s one thing that Rotty Steve wants you to understand: he will not be shut up.

“there’s nothing that can shut me up, and nothing that will shut me up. there’s not a prison built, or jail built, that will ever shut me up.”

shut the fuck up, you posturing pustule.

let’s ask Peter Navarro if being in prison has kept him from being shut up.

oh wait — we can’t ask Peter Navarro anything, not unless we travel down to the prison he’s in, and speak to him through thick glass, via a hard-wired telephone.

bro, I think that’s literally the definition of being shut up.

of course, none of this had to happen. it’s so easy to not get convicted of contempt of Congress. all Steve had to do is wake up in the morning, get dressed — how about just one shirt this time, Steve — run a comb through his lice-infested hair, check the time and date on the subpoena, and show up to testify.

easy-peasy, right? hell, Bannon didn’t even have to say a word to Congress. he could have kept his arrogant mouth shut, just as his co-traitors Rog Stone and Mike Flynn did, and Fifth Amendmented the fuck out of the whole thing.

but this simple act of obeying the law was a bridge too far — and now, just like Peter Navarro before him, Steve is going to get a first-hand education about prison.

like Navarro, Bannon is another one of these self-entitled wealthy white fucks who believes he’s smarter than everyone else, and that your puny laws don’t apply to him.

wait, did I say wealthy? yes, I know Steve Bannon looks like he sleeps in the dumpster behind the Dunkin Donuts out by the freeway interchange, but he’s a multimillionaire.

and now, Steve is going to be out of commission — behind bars from July to October — during peak election season. he won’t be able to spread his seditious propaganda, because it’s sure as fuck they won’t let him do his treason-weasel podcast from his cell.

too bad, so sad.

up until now, there’s been entirely too much fucking around by Steve Bannon and way too little finding out. all that is going to change.

in September, Steve’s got another little trial coming up.

Bannon, a former White House senior adviser, has pleaded not guilty to several charges of money laundering, conspiracy and scheming to defraud in connection with $15 million in donations a “We Build the Wall” fundraising campaign received.

Steve just can’t stop criming. this time, he conned a bunch of racist yahoos into sending him their disability checks so that Steve could personally build a border wall — and somehow, all those millions ended up in Steve’s pockets.

yes, this is the crime for which Trump federally pardoned Bannon, but now he’s being tried in a New York State court.

hey, you want a good laugh? guess who will be presiding over Bannon’s trial. I’ll give you a hint: he’s a no-nonsense judge who will not tolerate one ounce of bullshit from any fuckbag who tries to pull any MAGA crap in his courtroom.

that’s right, it’s our old pal Judge Juan Merchan.

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

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Alex Jones is having a sad

conspiracy shitlord Alex Jones has been doing a lot of crying lately.

“NEW: Alex Jones breaks down in tears as he claims federal authorities are getting ready to shut down his studio.”

why is Alex so sad? because he’s on his way to the poorhouse.

Right-wing conspiracy theorist Alex Jones on Thursday moved to liquidate his personal assets, agreeing to demands from the families of Sandy Hook victims whom he owes more than $1.5 billion in damages over his lies about the 2012 school massacre.

The seismic move paves the way for a future in which Jones no longer owns Infowars, the influential conspiracy empire he founded in the late 1990s. Over the years, Jones has not only used the media company to poison the public discourse with vile lies and conspiracy theories, but also to enrich himself to the tune of millions of dollars.

good. this couldn’t have happened to a more deserving shitstick. here’s your binky, crybaby.

for years, Jones had tormented the grieving families of Sandy Hook, spreading vicious lies about what had happened to their murdered children — and he’d grown rich doing so.

now, on the wrong end of a $1.5 billion dollar judgement, Alex Jones is losing everything. bye-bye, media empire. sayonara, ranch in Texas.

it’s called justice, and it’s fucking sweet.

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Glitchy McGlitcherson is still glitching

yesterday, daytime TV oddity Dr. Phil aired a pre-taped interview with Little Donny Convict.

Phil was a fawning kiss-ass from the word go, gently lobbing Trump one softball after another — and, at one point, actually spewing this cringetastic load of poppycock:

“I know you got thick skin. You’re not one of those people afflicted with the need to be loved by strangers. You’re a billionaire. You got a great family. You’re a very dedicated father. Why do you subject yourself to this?”

oh please. in what fucking universe does Dr. Phil live where “dedicated father” Donald Trump isn’t a broken-inside well of bottomless need?

anyway, just as with the Fox & Friends sit-down that aired earlier this week, Donny was an incoherent train wreck who needed to be heavily edited.

check out this clip.

holy fuck! three edits just to get through an eight-second sentence.

last night, Donny Convict spoke at a hate-rally — and he did not fare much better.

“when I’m president, I will use Title 42 to end the tryyyyyy— and we have to do this.”

once again, mid-sentence, Trump’s deteriorating brain blows the fuck up, complete with bulging eyes and waving hands.

in just 20 days, on June 27, Donny and Joe Biden are going to hold their first debate. look for Donny to find some pretext to cancel, because there’s no way he can go toe-to-toe with Joe in a debate format where his mic will be turned off the second his speaking time is up.

but frankly, I hope the glitching old felon does go through with the debate —

because Donny is going to be a fucking disaster. pass the popcorn.