Republicans make shit up about New Orleans tragedy, because of course they do

facts be damned when there’s outrage to be manufactured

Jan 02, 2025

on New Year’s Eve, some fuckstain psychopath plowed his truck into a crowd of revelers on Bourbon Street in New Orleans — killing at least 15 people — and the worst people in the world fell all over each other in a mad dash to do what they do best: lie their faces off about a tragedy in order to score political points.

let’s break it down.

almost immediately — before any of the facts were in — Fox News breathlessly reported that the truck used in the attack had come across the border two days ago.

that’s right — thanks to Sleepy Brandon’s OPEN BORDER HELLSCAPE, some greasy foreigner hell-bent on destroying our sacred way of life drove right across our border and straight into a crowd of red-blooded Americans.

fact check: no, no, no, no and no. the suspect was born in the United States, was an American citizen, and the truck he used (a rental) had never crossed the border in Eagle Pass.

so, where did Fox News get their “facts”? who fucking knows? it doesn’t matter. what matters is that the whole “an immigrant did it” angle was catnip to the MAGAsphere, and the entire wingnut outrage machine sprung into action.

“BREAKING: Fox News reports that the truck involved in the New Orleans terrorist attack entered the U.S. from Mexico through Eagle Pass just two days ago.”

remember that thing that Mark Twain may or may not have said? “A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is still putting on its shoes.”

there are hundreds of sketchy right-wing “news” sites that exist just to prove Twain right — by amplifying all the fever-swamp hallucinations that ooze out of the darkest corners of the MAGAscape. here’s one of these sites — note that they’ve added anonymous “federal law enforcement sources” to the story.

“BREAKING: Federal law enforcement sources tell Fox, the New Orleans attack truck came through Eagle Pass, Texas two days ago. The suspect’s citizenship status is not yet confirmed - Fox News”

from there it went to Donny Convict’s useless failson, Cokey McSnffles.

“Biden’s parting gift to America — migrant terrorists.”

of course that braying hyena down in Georgia had to get into the act.

“New Orleans terrorist attacker is said to have come across the border in Eagle Pass TWO DAYS AGO!!! Shut the border down!!! Who did our government bomb lately that is taking it out on innocent Americans?”

let’s check in on that ineffectual bag of hair, Senator Marsha Blackburn.

“The tragic terror attack that killed innocent people in New Orleans is a stark reminder of the importance of strong leadership. America needs a fearless fighter like @Kash_Patel at the FBI.”

why? how would Krazee Eyes Kash heading the Department of Retribution have prevented this tragedy?

it must be nice to be a Republican. you get to spew nonsensical bullshit all day long, and no one in the media ever asks you explain yourself.

pro tip for Marsha: the FBI investigates crimes — they don’t prevent them. anyway, Kash is going to be too busy persecuting Donny’s “enemies” to deal with actual crimes.

finally — facts be damned — Dear Leader weighed in.

“When I said that the criminals coming in are far worse than the criminals we have in our country, that statement was constantly refuted by Democrats and the Fake News Media, but it turned out to be true. The crime rate in our country is at a level that nobody has ever seen before. Our hearts are with all of the innocent victims and their loved ones, including the brave officers of the New Orleans Police Department. The Trump Administration will fully support the City of New Orleans as they investigate and recover from this act of pure evil!”

now here’s where ABC News can fuck itself halfway around the world, and then fuck itself all the way back again. check out this shameless bit of sanewashing. ABC has stripped out all of Donny’s bombast and bloviation, and cut out all the lies, and smushed together the only two sensible fragments in his post.

ugh. it’s bad enough that ABC folded like a pack of cards in the face of Donny’s defamation suit against them. now we have to watch them kiss Dear Leader’s ass for the next four years.

wouldn’t it be nice if the New York Times could ever put the words “Trump” and “lie” together in the same headline?

oh look, Louisiana’s own gibbering loon, Senator John Kennedy, found a camera to stand in front of. someone please explain to me just what Mushmouth McCornpone is blithering about.

“I guess mah final point is, I will promise you this. I will … when it is appropriate, and this investigation is complete, you will find out what happened and who is responsible, or I will raise fresh hell. and I will chase those in the federal government who are responsible for telling us what happened, like they stole Christmas.”

wait, what? back up there, Senator. the federal government … stole Christmas? what, like the Grinch did?

Senator, did you do a little too much partying on New Year’s Eve? did you wake up drunk? or is this more of your I’m an actual Oxford-educated Rhodes Scholar who pretends to be a moron schtik?

meanwhile, Fox News — after having been embarrassed into retracting their “crossed the border two days ago” claim — remained desperate to find something, anything, to link the New Orleans tragedy to immigration. here’s the pathetic jumble of mouth noises they managed to come up with.

“I want to talk about the particular truck that was used in this. we know that it was a rental, we know that it was brought from Texas and it was spotted in Eagle Pass, Texas, back on November 19th. but we understand that the truck does have a history of plate readers. it never actually passed through Mexico into Eagle Pass. however, the license plate on this truck has a history of plate readers at the border in patterns, and I’m quoting, that may be suspicious of human smuggling.”

that’s right, the New Orleans suspect may have turned out to be an American, but the truck he rented is sketchy as fuck. congratulations, Fox News, you finally managed to work SLEEPY BRANDON’S OPEN BORDERS into the story.

now watch as Joe Biden teaches a master class in how a real leader handles a rapidly-developing news story.

“I’m not going to say anything until I get all of the facts in front of me.”

I’m gonna miss this guy.

thank you to everyone participated in yesterday’s “tell us about yourself” post. over a thousand people left a bio! I promise that I will read every single comment.

here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.