Republicans celebrate Bring Your Felon to Work Day

and once again, Donald Trump is an incoherent trainwreck

yesterday, an 88-count convicted felony factory returned to the scene of one of his crimes — the failed coup attempt on January 6th — and congressional Republicans fell all the fuck over themselves in a mad dash to kiss the ass of the guy who tried to get them all killed.

Donny met with House and Senate Republicans behind closed doors yesterday, and by all accounts he was the same incoherent dumpster fire in private that he is in public, rehashing every grievance and grudge, spewing weird non sequiturs and batshit anecdotes.

Former President Donald Trump led House Republicans through a gripe-filled closed-door meeting on Capitol Hill on Thursday, airing grievances about his legal and electoral challenges, attacking his critics in the room, and only briefly addressing policy matters like abortion and taxes, according to multiple GOP lawmakers in the room.

the dilapidated old dipshit even brought up Hannibal Lecter again.

“Apparently, the former president made reference to Hannibal Lecter and said, nice guy, quote, he even had a friend over for dinner,” CNN's Jim Acosta reported Wednesday morning.

what is Donny’s fascination with Hannibal Lecter? he obviously thinks this is a hysterical joke, because he never shuts up about it. was there even a context for this, or did Trump just blurt it out? again once again, the question must be raised: does Donny think Hannibal Lecter is a real person?

white supremacy’s middle manager, Steve Scalise, got a special shout-out.

“I saw him in the hospital,” Trump said, according to a source. “I can tell your wife really loves you, Steve, because some wives wouldn’t care.”

“some wives wouldn’t care.” what a weird observation to make. most wives absolutely would care if their spouse were hospitalized with a gunshot wound. there’s really only one wife we can think of who absolutely wouldn’t care. in fact, Melania would probably do cartwheels.

“he got shot? how many times?”

Trump blithered on for so long — over an hour — that even the drooling cultists were bored

While Trump clearly tried to keep the crowd entertained, he couldn’t apparently hold everyone’s attention the entire time.

As the U.S. Open began Thursday, Rep. Chip Roy of Texas was spotted by a source in the room watching golf on his iPad.

one attendee summed the encounter up concisely.

As one source in the room put it, Trump was “rambling.”
“Like talking to your drunk uncle at the family reunion,” this source said.

that’s what Republicans said in private — but once it was over and the cameras were rolling, it was a very different story. Republicans could not have been more effusive in their praise of the convicted felon who they’ll soon be nominating as their candidate for president.

here’s Somehow Still Speaker Mike Johnson.

“he said very complimentary things about all of us. we had sustained applause. he said I’m doing a very good job. we’re grateful for all of that.”

Holy Mike seems relieved that Donny was nice to him. had he been expecting to have a ketchup bottle chucked at his head?

look how excited Barney Rubble is that Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants remembered her name.

“he was really sweet to me … he saw me in there and he was like ‘hello Marjorie.’ he’s always so sweet and recognizes me.”

yes, it’s always a relief when your demented grandfather is having a good day and can recognize the occasional face.

North Dakota Doug Burgum is never going to be Vice President, but that hasn’t stopped him from trying.

“the guy is a business guy who understands. he was in the hospitality business. he cares about customer experience. he cares about what people are experiencing, and that feeds into his thinking.”

what the fuck is Burgum babbling about? the hospitality business? golf motels and bankrupt casinos do not a hospitality business make. Trump is in the fraud business, and there are convictions and judgements that prove it.

notice that not one of these toadies is saying anything about Trump’s policy proposals — because during the meeting, Donny only brought up one — and it was a doozy.

Trump had a direct message for House Republicans on how to approach abortion leading into November, an issue Republicans have struggled to unify around in the wake of Roe v. Wade being overturned.

Trump, in a low voice, advised Republicans to not be afraid of the issue, according to sources in room, and claimed that Democrats are the extreme ones on the topic.

yes, please, Republicans — keep talking about abortion. never let the voters forget about all the laws you’ve been passing to deny women basic life-saving healthcare.

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thank you Adam Schiff, for writing the title of this post for me.

and a special fuck you to The Associated Press, for this craptastic bit of “reporting.”

“Donald Trump made a triumphant return to Capitol Hill on Thursday, his first with lawmakers since the Jan.6, 2021 attacks, embraced by energized House and Senate Republicans who find themselves reinvigorated by his bid to retake the White House.”

huh? a “triumphant” return? “reinvigorated” Republicans? did the AP bother to talk to anyone who was in the room with Trump, or did they just watch Fox News’ coverage and report on that?

is Sean Hannity moonlighting for the AP these days?

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hey, you know what else Donny did during the meeting? he shat all over the city of Milwaukee, pretty much saying that the town sucks all ass.

“Milwaukee, where we are having our convention, is a horrible city.”

why? what did Milwaukee do to Donald Trump? you know that there’s some long-festering petty grudgery at work here. did Donny try to open a golf motel and the city council told him to fuck straight off?

the Milwaukee media is having a field day with Donny’s diss.

so is Milwaukee’s Mayor, Cavalier Johnson.

“if Donald Trump wants to talk about things that he thinks are horrible, all of us lived through his presidency, so right back atcha, buddy. I’d say that. look, obviously Donald Trump is wrong about something yet again. I find it kind of perplexing — kind of strange — that he would insult the largest city in Wisconsin, because he’s running for president, he obviously wants to win in Wisconsin, win the election, and so to insult the state that’s holding your convention is kind of bizarre, actually. kind of unhinged, in a way.”

Joe Biden’s having a field day, too.

Team Trump is in full panic mode right now, trying to clean up after Donny.

but they can’t get their stories straight.

no one should be surprised by any of the sewage that oozes out of Donald Trump’s festering anus-mouth. Donny hates everything. if he can’t fuck it, get praise from it, or make money off of it, he hates it.

Donny hates Milwaukee because — as Mary Trump reminds us — Donny hates America.

And we know he hates America because he tells us all the time that he hates America. 

He routinely tells the American people that our leaders are “dumb” while extolling the virtues of murderous dictators like Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un. 

He insults our military, calling our generals and soldiers “some of the dumbest people.” He calls our fallen warriors “suckers” and “losers.”

He even hates our athletes. He’s attacked some of our finest—from LeBron James to the US women’s soccer team—WHILE they were playing on foreign soil.

He hates our judicial system which he attacks every day with the goal of undermining his followers’ faith in it. He hates our election system and our election workers. He attacks them almost every day, too, with the same motive. 

oh sure, Donny does his best to try to pretend that he loves America. show him a flag and he’ll hump the shit out of it.

ugh. take your lips off of Old Glory, you rancid sack of feces.

you can’t claim to love a country if you hate its people, its form of government, and its system of justice.