Republicans are lying their fucking faces off about the Middle East

no, Joe Biden didn't give taxpayer money to Iran

I’m not here to write about the shit-show in the Middle East. that’s above my pay grade — if people much smarter than I haven’t been able to solve it, I’m sure as hell not going to be able to do it in a post.

but I am going to try to make some sense out of some bullshit that’s been happening over the weekend.

now, I hope you’re sitting down because I’m going to tell you something that’s going to shock you to your very core:

Republicans are lying their fucking faces off about what’s going on.

first the truth, then the lie.

in August, the US and Iran made a deal: Iran would free five Americans and in return, the US would un-freeze $6 billion in Iranian oil revenue.

now, here are some important bullet points:

• the $6 billion is not US taxpayer money — it comes from the sale of Iranian oil to South Korea, money that had been frozen due to sanctions.

• Iran has not yet received one penny of that six billion. it’s sitting a bank in Qatar.

now here’s the Republican lie:

“Joe Biden gave 6 billion taxpayer dollars to Iran and they gave it to Hamas and Hamas used it to attack Israel and it’s all Joe Biden’s fault.”

every establishment Republican and the entire wingnut outrage-industrial complex spent the whole weekend spreading this lie. they absolutely would not shut the fuck up about it.

here’s the pride of Ohio, J.D. Vance:

ugh. fuck no. none of this happened. again, it’s not US taxpayer money. we didn’t send anything to Iran.

this brazen a lie — from a United States Senator — is obscene and irresponsible.

maybe you should stick lying about the basic facts of your life, J.D. — you’re better at that.

here’s fringe presidential candidate Tim Scott:

Tim Scott’s moronic tweet is easily debunked:

1. no it didn’t.

2. no it didn’t.

3. no they didn’t.

4. no he fucking well isn’t.

it’s that simple.

but on and on it went. all the usual suspects piled on. Rick Scott. noted sex therapist Lauren Boebert.

the howling from the screech-monkeys was so over the top that even Fox News had to step in with some facts:

“the six billion dollars is still currently held in a Qatari bank account, with US Treasury oversight. the money came from Iranian oil sales to South Korea and did not include U.S. taxpaper dollars.”

when Fox News has to correct your lies, you’ve really lost your fucking way.

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remember after 9/11, when Republicans pushed that “you’re either with with us or you’re with the terrorists” bullshit on us? remember how they insisted that any criticism of the president was literal treason?

if there were a terrorist attack on American soil today — perish the thought — how many nanoseconds do you think it would take for the entire right-wing noise machine to rise up as one and blame Joe Biden?

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meawhile, it’s the Republicans who are making us unsafe. did you know that America currently has no ambassador to Israel? that’s right — because noted hairpiece model Rand Paul is having another one of his conspiracy-fueled hissy fits:

Paul announced in early June that he would block all State Department nominees until the Biden administration released documents related to the origin of the COVID-19 pandemic.

and right now, there’s a US aircraft carrier group on its way to the Middle East — but the US has no Secretary of the Navy to oversee the operation, because of failed football coach Tommy Tuberville’s fuckery.

so please tell us again how super fucking patriotic Republicans are, because we could all use a good laugh.

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the weekend’s chaos gave every fringe weirdo an excuse to come crawling out of the woodwork and grind their moronic axes.

here’s god-mad goofball Franklin Graham on Greta Van Susteren’s show, blaming Israel’s woes on its strict gun control policies.

In Israel, it is difficult to get a gun permit. You can get a gun permit for a pistol …. but they are hard to get. But as far as having an assault rifle in your home, or a shotgun, or a hunting rifle, these things are very difficult.

by the way, all of these things are untrue. Israel is just as gun-happy as America, and its leaders aggressively promote the idea of a heavily-armed populace.

by the way, what the fuck is Greta Van Susteren doing on Newsmax? wasn’t she once a real journalist?

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but of course you know who is right in the middle of this mess: good old Little Donny Fuckface.

remember back in 2017, when Donald Trump invited Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov to check out how cool and awesome the Oval Office was?

Trump couldn’t help showing off that he was a Big Boy Leader and had all kinds of Big Boy Knowledge, and so he shared a bunch of classified intel with his new Russian pal.

(oh, and Trump didn’t even try to hide this traitorous act. he said he had “every right” to give secrets to our adversaries.)

and where did he get the intel he couldn’t help blabbing about? from Israel — and boy, were the Israelis pissed off about it.

but the damage was done.

now what do you think Russia did with that Israeli intel? did they share it their ally Iran? probably.

and what do you think Iran did with that intel? share it with Hamas? probably.

and did Hamas use that intel to attack Israel? what do you think?

hell, what does Israel think?

as usual, it comes back to Little Donny Fuckface and his inability to keep his reckless mouth shut.

folks, a word on a different subject before I let you go: we’re doing some quarterly fundraising at my other venture, The Smirking Chimp. I’m leery of even mentioning it because if you’re one of the people paying to support my own writing here, you’re already doing god’s work and you’re already doing more than enough to help out. but if you’ve got five dollars that you absolutely wouldn’t miss and you do feel like supporting the Chimp, well, that just makes you twice the hero. the donation link is here, or you can go straight to paypal if you need no further convincing. and if you don’t care to donate, that’s totally cool, too, and we will not speak of this again. in fact, we never had this conversation. thanks for listening and that’s it from me for now.