Republicans are going to hold the government hostage over all their pissy little grievances

here’s just a small sample of the bullshit they have up their stupid sleeves

Congress is back in session this week, and Republicans are planning to focus on what they do best: fucking everything all to hell.

here’s just a small sample of the bullshit they have up their stupid sleeves.

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they’re going to try to derail Fani Willis

useless pantload Jim Jordan is up to his usual underhanded tricks again. he’s doing his best to help Trump by interfering with the Georgia Election Fuckery trial, and so he’s waving his arms and pointing his fingers and shouting about “defunding” Willis’s office (spoiler alert: he can’t do that).

he’s announced he’s opened an investigation into Willis.

of course that’s the only thing that Jordan is good at — announcing things he can’t do. Congress can’t interfere with an ongoing criminal investigation and trial — and Jim knows this. he’s just making loud noises come out of his food-hole so he can get his simian face all over cable news and get a pat on the head from Dear Leader.

it’s all theater. it’s just dope for the dolts who mainline Newsmax.

remember when Jordan tried to pull that shit on Alvin Bragg and Bragg told him to go fuck himself? expect more or less the same response from Fani “Yours In Service” Willis.

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they’re going to try to fuck with Jack Smith

everything they’re going to try to pull on Fani Willis, that goes double for Jack Smith. Shouty McFingerpoint has opened the same obstructive investigations into The Guy Who Convicts Criminals In The Hague. Jim’s been trying to do this for months, and now he’s going to redouble his efforts.

and once again Jim is pretty much going to get told to go fuck himself, because once again, Jordan has no power to interfere and this is all just investigation porn for the dimwitted masses.

but the dipshits also have a second line of fuckery. they imagine that when they shut down the government (more on that below), they will shut down Trump’s federal trials along with it. this is untrue; trials are considered essential services that remain funded during any shutdown.

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they’re going to try to impeach Joe Biden, because reasons

the fuckfaces have been making noise about impeaching Biden since they day they took the House and it’s a wonder that Spineless Kevin McCarthy has been able to hold them off this long.

but impeaching Biden number one on their list of “do this or we’ll shut down the government” demands — plus Trump has been screaming into McCarthy’s ear to dO aN iMpEaChMenT — and so here we go. Joe Biden is going to get impeached, out of spite and revenge for the two Trump impeachments.

the thing is, you can’t really have an impeachment without first holding an impeachment inquiry, and Kevin doesn’t have the votes to hold one. there are too many Republican reps in too many swing districts, and none of them want to have to explain to their constituents why they voted for an unnecessary and unpopular impeachment.

so Kev has a master plan that’s so fucking stupid, he thinks it just might work: just skip the part where everyone votes for an inquiry, and go straight to the impeachment.

spoiler alert: it’s so fucking stupid and it’s not going to work. if there aren’t enough votes to open an inquiry, why should there be enough votes for an impeachment? and, of course, any impeachment that gets sent to the Senate for a trial will die a quick death once it gets there.

again, it’s all theater. they’re rolling the dice and hoping that even a failed impeachment will hurt Biden politically more than it will hurt them.

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they’re going to shut down the government if they don’t get their way

this is the really bad one.

our government is currently funded through September 30. Congress has 25 days to pass an appropriations bill and prevent a shutdown.

and so the maniacs in Freedom Caucus have an atomic bomb that they’re finally planning to drop: they will shut down the government if their incredibly long list of petty grievances is not met. they want to impeach Biden. they want to terminate Jack Smith’s salary. they want to “revoke” Trump’s two impeachments (that’s not even a thing). and on and on.

we’ve all been down the shutdown road before, and in the past it’s always played out one of two ways:
— Republicans make a shitload of noise, and then there’s a last-minute deal that averts a shutdown.
— Republicans go ahead and shut down the government, and it’s such an unpopular move that they realize their mistake and pass the necessary appropiations to reopen.

this time might be different. there are now far too many nihilists in government who really do want to burn everything to the ground, just to watch the pretty flames.

Kevin McCarthy and Mitch McConnell understand the long-term harm to the economy that a shutdown would do.

Lauren Boebert and Marjorie Three Toes and Sexpest Matt, however, can barely tie their own shoes, much less grasp the consequences of their actions.

and those flames are oh so pretty.

so it’s anyone’s guess if Keven and Mitch can mollify the bomb-throwers, and it’s anyone’s guess how long this shutdown might last and how much havoc it could wreak.

may you live in interesting times, right? we have learned why the Chinese consider that a curse.