rejoice, patriots! Cheaty McCheaterpants just won his eleventyskillionth Golf Motel Championship

but mean old Iran won’t let him win the war

loyal and patriotic citizens, please stand by for a message of the utmost importance from the President of the United States, Supreme Ruler of the Western Hemisphere, Lord-Emperor of the Sky Above and All the Planets, and God’s Own Avatar on Earth.

The Winning Shot in the Bedminster Club Championship! Thank you very much to all of those who participated. I won with a score of 70, and am so honored in that, unlike the rest of the field, I’m given very little time to practice, because I’m focused on many other things. It’s called TALENT, and I have it, and they don’t! President DONALD J. TRUMP

that’s right, Preznit Fuckwit has won his seventy thousand millionth consecutive golf championship at his own New Jersey ex-wife cemetery — a championship he wins every year, because everyone lets him win — because it’s his golf motel, and those are the rules.

and then, because he’s the most-tiresome fucking piss-baby in the world, he has to gloat about it. he has TALENT, and you don’t — because you suck.

shut the fuck up, asshole.

Donny is that kid whose house you never wanted to go to, because he would burst into tears and throw a tantrum if you didn’t let him beat you at every game — and then he would have the nerve to lord it over you.

notice how you never see Donny compete in any other golf championships, aside from the ones at his own golf motels. that’s because he would get his ass kicked, if he had to play a game that hadn’t been rigged in his favor. they shouldn’t even call it a championship, when Donny is involved, because it’s not. it’s a championshit.

how does Dear Leader win, year after year? it’s simple: he cheats — and everyone knows it, and everyone lets it happen. Rick Reilly wrote a whole book about it, called Commander in Cheat.

but you don’t have to read any book to know that Donny’s a cheater. he’s not subtle or sneaky about it. he does it right out in the open.

the entire world got an eyeful at last year’s Ex-Wife Cemetery Championshit, when we all saw Donny’s caddy take a fresh ball out of his pocket and casually toss it onto the green, where Donny could easily sink it.

our president is indeed a fucking golf cheat.

he cheats at golf just like he cheated to get into college and cheated to get out of Vietnam and cheated on his wives and cheated on his taxes and cheated students at his scam university and cheated donors to his fake charity and cheated the dumbfucks who bought his fake crypto money.

and no other golfer says boo about it, because everyone understands that that’s the thing about Donny, the most broken-inside malignant narcissist who ever waddled the face of the earth: you have to let him win.

this is why Donny is so mad at Iran right now: they won’t let him win. what the fuck is wrong with them? don’t they understand how the world works? Dear Leader always gets to win.

it’s so unfair. why can’t Iran just open the Strait of Hormuz and let Donny sail right though it, so he can then be a dick about it? ‘look at me, I won the war, because I have TALENT, and you suck.’

same deal with Canada, and Greenland. why can’t they just roll over and surrender, and be our fifty-first and fifty-second states? why do they have to be so mean, and insist on their own sovereignties?

Donny has spent his whole life rigging everything in his favor — and that’s why he’s completely flummoxed when he has to compete fairly and squarely. he’s never had to do it, and so the lazy fuck never had to learn the skills required.

come on, why even make Donny compete in the first place? why can’t everyone be like FIFA, who just skipped ahead to the end, and unilaterally declared Dear Leader to be a peacemaker like no one’s ever seen, a peacemaker like few thought possible — maybe even the greatest peacemaker of all time.

what a hollow, empty existence.

where is the sense of accomplishment in a life where everything gets handed to you on a silver platter? where nothing is earned? how is that fulfilling, or meaningful? would you want that? I sure as shit wouldn’t.

you have to imagine that deep down inside, Cheaty McCheaterpants has to know that he’s a fraud — that he’s the losing loser his tyrant Klansman father always told him he was.

how fucking pathetic.

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Bobby Brainworms Jr. is what would happen if Dunning and Kruger had a baby — and then dropped it on its head.

just like Dear Leader, Bobby’s a fucking moron who is serenely convinced of his own supreme genius.

yesterday, he went on CNN’s State of the Union and taught a master class in why you should never put a whale-head-chainsawing maniac in charge of an entire nation’s health and well-being.

Dana Bash: “so you are actually looking at— you’re starting new studies to try to link autism, but you’re also—”

Brainworms: “no, I’m not trying to link autism to anything.”

Bash: “are you also trying to find out how it interacts with people’s DNA, what’s predisposed to have an autistic child?”

Brainworms: [laughs condescendingly]

Bash: “are you doing both?”

Brainworms: “Dana, you probably don’t understand this because you’re not a scientist.”

Dana Bash: “well you’re not either.”

fact check: true. Bobby Brainworms is not a scientist. he’s also not a doctor, or an academic, or a researcher. he’s just a dumbfuck who knows things because he knows them.

Brainworms laughs derisively at Dana Bash’s questions, and then insults her, rather than engage with what are actually intelligent queries — because she’s just a girl, and what do girls know about anything?

Bobby’s crackpot beliefs are no more valid than those of the loudmouth drunk at the end of the bar, who looks up from his fifth jack-and-coke and blurts out, ‘autism is caused by vaccines,’ to which everyone else in the joint is all, ‘shut the fuck up, Bobby, we’re trying to watch the game.’

except they’re talking to an empty stool, because Bobby has already wandered off to the bathroom to snort more cocaine off a toilet seat.

Bobby Brainworms might not be a scientist, but at least he’s a condescending asshole. here’s ninety seconds of Bobby in full rage-baby meltdown mode, angrily jabbing his finger at Bash, and shouting over her. as Aaron Rupar noted on Bluesky, ‘RFK Jr yelling at Dana Bash sounds like a rabid dog barking.’

what a prick. can you image being married to that? do you suppose that Brainworms talks that way to his own wife, Cheryl Hines?

all I know is that if Bobby ever pulled that shit on Ms. Spouse, she would have never stopped smacking his stupid face.

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everything totally fucking sucks right now, but at least we can enjoy Dear Leader’s six remaining strands of hair being blown off his head as he steps off of Marine One.

oh, that’s sad. can we get FIFA to maybe gin up a Best Hair Prize, so Donny can fool himself into believing he’s won all the hair?

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and now, it’s time for our Daily Claudia.

here’s Ms Spouse enjoying the view of the Hudson River, from the dining area of the Hudson House Distillery in West Park, NY, on August 16, 2024.

this next photo was texted to me by BFF Kathy. it was taken down at our lake on the 4th of July, 2021.

have a great Monday, everyone. don’t be a cheating piss-baby.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.