rejoice, citizens! they let the big baby ring the Big Boy Bell, and other tales of dumbfuckery

oh, and Belgium kicks our asses

being a member of Preznit Fuckwit’s cabal of handlers means you’re constantly needing to invent new ways of keeping your cranky piss-baby-in-chief distracted and happy. nobody wants that ketchup bottle whipped at their head, am I right?

here’s what Team Donny came up with for yesterday morning.

they put him in a fresh diaper, slathered a gallon of fluorescent tangerine spackle across his big, dumb pumpkin face, straightened his tie, led him into the Oval Bordello, surrounded him with some Emotional Support CEOs, and let him ring the Big Boy Opening Bell that signals the start of the Wall Street trading day.

look how excited this emotionally-stunted toddler got. he can’t believe they let him ring a bell!

“earlier this morning many of you joined me in the Oval Office for— the RINGING of the opening bell, and something happened that was incredible. never happened before. we had the New York Stock Exchange and NASDAQ — the top of both, these are great— people? but they never did a bell, an opening together. this is the first time.”

oh calm the fuck down, you tarted-up rodeo clown. there’s a reason no one’s ever brought the opening bell into the Oval Bordello before: normal leaders don’t need this kind of constant, unceasing affirmation that they’re some kind of Very Special Boy. up until now, we’ve never had a childish president who was this big of a bottomless pit of need — and this stupid shit is proud of that. he has no idea that the entire world is laughing at the big buffoon. once again, he’s such an eternal embarrassment.

but wait, this is where Donny’s soliloquy goes off the rails.

“there’s the bell, it’s right there, and I said ‘it’s so beautiful. I’m not giving it back.’ I don’t know if it’s supposed to go back. but they’re going to have to fight like hell to get it back. we’re not giving it back, do you understand that, Scott? don’t let it leave. it’s so beautiful.”

hurr hurr! the Big Boy President made a funny! or did he? because remember, this is exactly how Donny came to steal last year’s World Cup trophy.

after bringing the gaudy bauble to the Oval Bordello for Donny to gawk at, FIFA president Gianni Infantino scooped up the trophy and prepared to leave. that’s when Donny was all was all ‘yeah, no, this is mine now’ — and Infantino was all yeah, ‘this is yours now,’ because what else are you going to say to a colicky infant in command of a nuclear arsenal?

it was just another exercise in shameless greed.

in fact, here’s the only bell that should ever be rung in Donny’s presence.

speaking of a shamefully shameless lack of shame, here’s Donny explaining how, yes, he did go whining to Gianni Infantino about how super fucking unfair it was to suspend a US World Cup player before a big match, but he pinky-swears that he didn’t order anyone to do anything.

“all I did, all I did. I asked for a review, because I didn’t think it was a foul. and, you know, again, I’m good at this stuff. I didn’t think it was a foul … I didn’t tell [Gianni Infantino] what to do … all I did was ask for a review. I didn’t say you have to do this.”

oh, come on. of course Donny didn’t come right out and say anyone had to do anything — because that’s not the way mob bosses do business. it’s all in code. we’ve all seen Tony Soprano pick up the phone and go ‘you know that thing we talked about?’

to which loyal soldier Gianni Infantino, on the other end of the line, goes ‘don’t worry about it, T, it’s taken care of.’

but always remember: no matter what the situation is, no matter who is involved, it’s always Donny who’s the real victim.

“we’re gonna have a full team and Belgium’s gonna have a full team, and you know what? if they beat us, then they can be really proud. the other way, if they beat us, we’ll say it was rrrrrr— I’ll say it was rigged, just like the election was rigged in 2020, but I won’t get into that.”

fuck you, you grievance-pickled asshole. not everything is about you and your tiresome laundry list of well-worn grudges.

spoiler alert: Belgium did in fact end up beating the shit out of us — and then they mocked us, posting ‘overturn this’ to Elon’s Nazi Bar and Child Porn Emporium.

than then they mocked Donny personally, by doing his ‘jacking off two invisible giraffes’ dance after scoring their fourth goal.

let’s gif that shit, pronto.

awesome job, Donny. by being a big whiny asshole, you gave Belgium the extra incentive they needed to kick our asses. next time, maybe keep your fool mouth shut.

and now the whole goddamned world is mocking us on social media right now, giddy with glee over the whupping Belgium delivered.

oh, and let’s circle back to that Big Boy Bell that Donny’s so super horny to glom, because here’s another spoiler alert: according to Emily Goodin, the New York Post’s White House correspondent, yes — Dear Leader gets to keep it.

Emily Goodin@Emilylgoodin

President Trump gets to keep the bell, officials told him. Trump: “We're going to put that in the middle of the new ballroom. I'm not going to give that bell back.”

1:45 PM · Jul 6, 2026 · 2.67K Views

---

2 Replies · 3 Reposts · 32 Likes

just another tacky golden bauble to jam into the Oval Bordello, as if it weren’t already choked to the gills with tacky golden baubles.

it’s fucking maddening how this obstreperous child always manages to get his way.

well, almost always. am I right, Belgium?

---

Graham Platner is teaching a master class right now in why you should never let a dude with a Nazi tattoo and a string of credible assault allegations be your candidate for office. he needs drop out of Maine’s senatorial race, like, immediately.

but look who Fox News plucked off the Shitpile of Failure to be their Designated Gloater: former House Speaker Feckless Kevin McCarthy — the guy who lost his job because even Republicans hated his craven, weasely guts.

“the one thing I know about Republicans — when we had a very bad candidate and found out, we didn’t vote for that person. we walked away.”

oh, please. piss straight up all the ropes, Kevin. what the fuck are you talking about?

here’s Feckless Kev, with his bestie, Adjudicated McRapist, at his vermin-infested Florida golf motel. is Kevin walking away? no, he is not. in fact, he’s groveling for Dear Leader to please, please, pretty-please like him again, after that pesky little January 6th incident.

and here’s Donny, telling his dead pedo bestie how he really put one over on Kevin.

---

oh goody, it’s finally time for some Daily Claudia.

here’s Ms Spouse with Tenchi the Wonder Cat, on July 11, 2020.

and here’s another selfie I grabbed off of Ms Spouse’s phone, of her with her bff Kathy, on May 29, 2025.

have a great Tuesday, everyone. don’t give Belgium the extra incentive they need to beat you. that shit’s whack.

---

here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

---

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.