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Jeff Tiedrich's avatar

sorry to be so late posting this. it took for-fucking-ever to write, and I ended up only using about half the clips I had set aside. don't worry, I included all the batshittiest ones

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Neal Stiffelman's avatar

Dude, this was one of your finest. And I’d love to know who on Newsom’s comms team came up with “Karo’lyin’” to sandwich in there. A throwaway line that just kills.

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zuzu's avatar

Newsom's team is giving me LIFE.

He's unleashed the Gen Z staffers.

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Lesley Smith's avatar

FINALLY! they are brilliant

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arne link's avatar

They must have laughed uncontrollably as they crafted these. We do have actual screenwriters in California. Newsome may actually know some of them.

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Laurie K's avatar

“Pin the tail on the coherent thought” - priceless!

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Abbi's avatar

Agreed. Best ever Jeffism. And the picture of the dog photo-shopped or whatever and complete with a maxipad on its ear. Jeff, you outdid yourself today.

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Lynn Horsky's avatar

Truly, only the senile short term memory inflicted and ADHD hyperactive can follow his fragmented spewing of thoughts.

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Flo Plazo's avatar

Thank you for your attention to this matter. This post cheered me up a little.

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SethTriggs's avatar

It was worth the wait, it's some comfort that other people can see the ridiculousness.

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Hollie Rood's avatar

To be sure‼️

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Zija Pulp's avatar

2 things:

one: If Trump is getting a Kennedy Center arts award, then I should be in the running/considered for my HS musical performances. That I can’t sing on tune should not disqualify me.

two: the dog photo with a Triumpian wig made me think of Trump dressed in a dog suit having to go through an agility course. THAT would definitely win my vote.

As usual, thanks, Jeff. It’s been awfully grim lately. Nice to be in the same boat with all you people!

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Terri Nighswonger's avatar

Jeff, thank you for your attention to this matter.

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rlritt's avatar

Great piece. If we don't laugh, we'll cry.

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Louise Pattison's avatar

There was just so much material. This one speech should keep the Lincoln Project in ads for a couple months!

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Wendy The Druid 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈🌈's avatar

Here Jeff , take some cyberpunk 2077 , with a dash of Gibson , but done totally fuck ass sideways https://thistleandmoss.com/p/mega-city-one-the-techbro-jizz-dream

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Georgia Lyster's avatar

I’m a little nervous about anyone redistricting the election map even Gov Newsom but I see we have no choice we absolutely have to get rid of The Donald. I just hope it doesn’t backfire because it should be illegal but again no choice!

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Up & Down The Lane w/Elle Lane's avatar

Georgia, dear friend, we have no choice st this point.

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A.J. Madison's avatar

Despite some of the magic produced by Repubtards "jerrymandering" the hell out of various states, they can't say, Oh Dems Gerrymandering is illegal, but Repubs maps are legal. If Alito & Thomas try to pull that off, the protestors would grab them out of their cars and there won't be enough left to prosecute anyone.

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Stephen Schiff's avatar

I think it would be swell if someone set it up on a never ending loop then posted it a zillion times to youtube and X and fbook.

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Nevertheless, She Persisted's avatar

I honestly wish you'd take a day off once in awhile, just cuz I worry that you push too hard

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Lois Henry's avatar

Sh! He took a day off a couple years ago and I almost had a breakdown.

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drosophilist's avatar

The Newsom Press Office xeets were worth the wait. /chef’s kiss

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amdancks's avatar

Jeff, don't be so miserly towards poor Donny Convict. President Pedo Pal Very-Special-Boy Fuckwit deserves not one but THREE Kennedy/Trump Center Lifetime Awards, in what should be billed as a "Inco" trifecta:

Incoherence + Incompetence + Incontinence

Without a doubt, he's the very bestest of them all.

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Up & Down The Lane w/Elle Lane's avatar

Drumpf and his narcissistic personality!!!! How are we ever going to survive it!!! He thinks he is a king.

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Teri Gelini's avatar

Thanks! This is terrific advice so on point! Love the videos they make more tea to the doubters. And thank goodness for Gavin Newsom.

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Richard Von Busack's avatar

Grass. Hope he’s under it soon.

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CL Tee's avatar

Make that weeds.

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Walt Svirsky's avatar

Something that will grow when urine soaked.

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Carl Babcock's avatar

I've never visited a politician's grave, but I will be happy to stand in line to piss on his. It would even be worth the public urination charge I would likely catch

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zuzu's avatar

I'm drafting up a circle skirt to wear while I piss on his grave.

The cankles will get him soon.

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Lisa's avatar

Yes, I believe they have started to flood his brain now with toxic bodily fluids.

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Robert Eckert's avatar

Old Army joke: drill sergeant says to a recruit he's been riding for a while, "I bet you wish I was dead. In fact I bet you wish you could piss on my grave."

"No, Sergeant! When I get out of here I never want to stand in line again!"

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arne link's avatar

They're going to need a bigger paddy wagon to hold all the hopeful folks standing in line. People would camp out for weeks, pay others to hold their place, mortgage their house and sell their gold for an opportunity to be in that line. I would.

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Denise Donaldson's avatar

Good one, Walt!

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Lady Emsworth's avatar

Thistles.

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Walt Svirsky's avatar

First thing that popped into my mind, too, Lady!

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Neal Stiffelman's avatar

They won’t bury the guy because any grave will soon be buried in piss and excrement. If I have anything to say about it.

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Terri Nighswonger's avatar

I think drop the creepy bastard out a helicopter over Atlantic Ocean.

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Grace Kennedy's avatar

While he’s still breathing. CIA style.

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Grace Kennedy's avatar

Of course I’m joking. It’s never a good idea to pollute the oceans.

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Denise Donaldson's avatar

Yeah, but....the fish wouldn't eat him.

So make sure the body is weighted enough to sink to the bottom and stay there.

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shee-rah's avatar

It would create a tidal wave.

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Clint Opine's avatar

I intend to send my condolences to the family. You can ship urine through the mail right?

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Marion Mlotok's avatar

LOL

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A.J. Madison's avatar

Seal it very tight. Wipe down everything, then triple encase it. I bet everything that is sent by mail is triple checked by dogs.

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Hollie Rood's avatar

If they bury him that’s when they’ll have problems with water from all the people peeing on his grave. Hope they can find those BIGLY pumps he was gibbering on about.

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Richard Von Busack's avatar

Biggest pumps in the world!

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A.J. Madison's avatar

I'm sure Reagan or his people had the good sense to add a level of security that resembles his gravesite, which looks like Fort Knox. But Dwympy is such a stunning moron, that he'll be obsessed with how much gold there is on his burial site than setting up an endowment to fund security in perpetuity. I could even imagine the outfit he puts in charge of his resting place will embezzle or misappropriate the funding, and the security disappears at 6 months, and maintenance ends at 9. At least a sad middleclass retired guy like me can dream.

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Neal Stiffelman's avatar

What do you think is buried alongside Ivana.

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Richard Von Busack's avatar

Have you ever seen the pictures of the guy dancing on Reagan’s grave!

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HI2thDoc's avatar

Can't come soon enough. It would be a great thing if all living humans contemplated whether when they die did they make a positive impact or negative. But that requires a level of self-awareness and contemplation that many do not possess.

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Terri Nighswonger's avatar

You think people think that deep??? 😻

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Lady Emsworth's avatar

Umm.

Sounds appropriate - but does not give me hope.

I reckon if someone tells Donnie he'll soon die, he'll make up his mind to take the rest of us with him. "Why should they have something I can't have?!!"

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Walt Svirsky's avatar

Your daily reminder that the bumbling conman crapping his diaper while he chats with Bad Vlad, in our now “Gold Leaf House,” has the nuclear codes in his turd adjacent pocket.

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longtimebirdwatcher's avatar

I'd like to add this:

Avoiding a climate disaster isn’t something today’s students can plan on tackling “over the course of their careers.” The most critical time will be the next fifteen years, which means you’ll need to get to work quickly.What we do together between now and 2035 will determine what your lives look like in 2050 and 2080, and what your children and grandchildren will see in the next century.

This is from Legal Planet at the Berkeley Law School. The Climate Crisis is my big thing, so I'd like you to check out the end date for doing anything meaningful is 2035, ten years from now. Off topic, sort of.

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zuzu's avatar

I don't think any kind of reality can pierce the bubble of denial he has.

He thinks he's better looking than Kamala Harris, after all.

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Hollie Rood's avatar

Hells Bells. He thinks he’s the most handsomest beautifulest thing to ever walk the face of the planet. He believes all men wish they could look just like him and all women lust after him (whether they’re his type or not)Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go throw up now.

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longtimebirdwatcher's avatar

While the rest of us all gag when his face comes on TV.

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Hollie Rood's avatar

Isn’t that the truth. He literally turns my stomach 💯🤢🤢🤢

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Chet Brandt's avatar

I want to vomit just hearing his tired wretched voice.

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Will Gerard's avatar

Thanks for the sobering and beautifully written article. We need this kind of clarity. They say Father Time is undefeated. Science is, too.

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Walt Svirsky's avatar

Science SHOULD BE undefeated, but, it’s getting its’ ass kicked now, by the unknowing. Ironic, eh?

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Will Gerard's avatar

Yes, short-term vs. long-term thing. In the short-term, Science is getting its ass kicked. In the long-term, it'll prevail and humans will bear the consequences of ignoring it. Somewhat like Nature.

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Richard Von Busack's avatar

Oh, I read that! Very satisfying.

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longtimebirdwatcher's avatar

Wendy, I sent it to my husband. He's spending a lot of time gasping for breath.

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Walt Svirsky's avatar

You could have warned him, LTBW!

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longtimebirdwatcher's avatar

I mentioned it to him a few minutes ago.

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Purobi Phillips's avatar

It was written in June and it is already mid August. Horrible, evil folks live long.

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Nevertheless, She Persisted's avatar

Wow!! This is so on target. How have I never heard this analysis before?

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Wendy The Druid 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈🌈's avatar

I try to keep everyone abreast of current situations

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Joyce's avatar

Yes--he can admire the best grasses anybody's ever seen from underneath.

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Hollie Rood's avatar

😂😂😂😂

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Purobi Phillips's avatar

Someone wrote somewhere (honestly I forgot where and who) that we can fund everything worth funding if we charge everyone in the world $20 to piss on his grave. Multiple times per person if she/he wants it.

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Terry's avatar

When they removed the Rose Garden lawn, and didn't dig a big fat long hole in the middle of it, and fill it with greasy slimy blubber, I was so disappointed.

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Christine Huber's avatar

I did a spit take when I read this. Thanks for the laugh this afternoon. Also, I think most of the world can’t wait for this!

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arne link's avatar

Perfect response.

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Vivian Fletcher's avatar

YES!

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Terri Nighswonger's avatar

So good.

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Teri Gelini's avatar

Yes

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Susan Niemann's avatar

"we need a beautiful topping by a very talented asphalt-type person.” 🤦‍♀️

This ass hat is completely insane.

"we’re going to redo the grass with the finest grasses. I know a lot about grass.” 😂 Maybe if he smoked some it would reverse his decline?

And I just need to say that Gov. Newsom and his social media team deserve the Kennedy Centers highest honor. 👏👏👏👏 WELL DONE!

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Charles Austin's avatar

He's an ass fault alright!!😂😂😂

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Susan Niemann's avatar

HAHA!!!

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Walt Svirsky's avatar

Shitler on weed…hmmm…

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Susan Niemann's avatar

Let's think about that! 😂😂😂

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Walt Svirsky's avatar

I had an electric bong way back in the day. It was a little aquarium air pump in a sealed system that, when turned on, blew a continuous stream of the chronic until the bowl was cooked. It was pretty amazing. Party people would line up in my dorm room and get their collective heads blown off. There may have been some coughing involved. 😵‍💫

Anyway, how cool would it be to hook Shitler up to that smoking hose and watch him gain a personality? We could even put on “YMCA” and invite all his gay friends to participate…maybe even a drag queen or two!

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arne link's avatar

Walt, are you off your meds? Ha, ha, ha. That was priceless. Be sure to include many people of color.

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Susan Niemann's avatar

I love that idea! 😂

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Charles Austin's avatar

Some coughing??😂😂

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Cheri Collins's avatar

🤣😂🤣😳

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Alison Parker's avatar

Well, conservatives always say USA is #1 and they're right because we are indeed #1 in "Absolute dumbest motherfucker ever elected to lead a nation". Oy fucking vey.

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Walt Svirsky's avatar

My favorite is “American Exceptionalism.” 🤮

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shee-rah's avatar

And Dumbo us the exception.

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Amy's avatar

Jeff - You might want to check out the lyrics to Christine Sixteen, one of Kiss' hit songs. Back in the day, some radio stations refused to play the song because, well, they didn't think a song about an older man lusting after a sixteen year old who is "young and clean" was appropriate. Maybe this is Trump's way of keeping the Epstein files in the news even longer.....

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Rick A.'s avatar

The press NEVER calls him out on his absolute and incoherent insanity and lying , never has. Never. Of ALL the failures of the last ten years, I believe the total moral and professional breakdown of the media may be the worst, even though there are too many failures of our “institutions” to count. How could this happen???????????????

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Rick A.'s avatar

Walt, I live in Texas, and am around, sadly, mostly “conservative” people. Most of these people are addicted to Fox News, and literally believe it like gospel. It is holy writ…….terrifyingly true. Our country is so screwed, I sadly believe millions are too far gone. Objective truth and reality mean NOTHING. MILLIONS and MILLIONS of appearing to be sane people fully believe all of the pure and unadulterated bullshit about the hellhole streets of DC for example, and Republican politicians are more than happy to lie through their teeth on Fox about that and everything else. People are truly sheep, and are happy to be led as sheep to the slaughter by Fox. We are totally screwed as a functional democracy and decent country I am sorry to say. There is no shared reality-NONE. And so we follow a sexual pervert and predator, who is also a corrupt, cruel and frankly insane degenerate lunatic. This is madness. But Fox says we are “right” and it is the Democrats and left who are “wrong,” or worse, “evil.” Like I said, MADNESS.

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Walt Svirsky's avatar

The same thing is going on in the state where I was born and raised, Rick, OHIO. When I went home to visit my large family - who still live there - last summer, it was FAUX News on the boob tube, ALL DAY LONG. As far as I know, they still show that disinformation network at our military bases, as well. Pure poison.

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Veronica Speedwell's avatar

It should be outlawed on military bases but we know that won't happen.

Those military members have the GALL to take their paycheck but enslave themselves to the most traitorous, unpatriotic, lying and brainwashing propaganda channel ever. Thumbing their noses at the USA.

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Sharon Hudnall's avatar

We're trapped in a historical scale of madness on a par with the worst degeneracy of ancient Rome under its inbred emperors. Putin will indeed eat Donald like a roasted pig -- just needs the fine Chianti and fava beans.

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longtimebirdwatcher's avatar

And no one thinks the people who are like this should have their own country?

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Walt Svirsky's avatar

Secession works for me at this point. But, the complexity of trying to split our country cannot be underestimated. We can’t just take out a Sharpie, like Shitler, and change the lines.

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longtimebirdwatcher's avatar

We should try, or what will we do?

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Robert Eckert's avatar

We have blue cities surrounded by red countryside everywhere.

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longtimebirdwatcher's avatar

Not in California.

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Robert Eckert's avatar

Bay Area is very blue, but just drive over Altamont Pass and you are in a different world.

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Walt Svirsky's avatar

I’ve asked myself that same question, Rick. When the oligarchs on the right bought up 99.9% of the media, what did rational people in government think was going to happen? Allowing this to go unchecked is exacting a very severe price on democracy loving Americans.

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Veronica Speedwell's avatar

I just caught the tail end of the MSNBC report leading into the noon hour; the anchor is laughing and grinning and simpering. No gravitas, no sober demeanor as befits our national existential crisis. Just mindless smiles and giggle.

It's mind-boggling.

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Deborah Hunter's avatar

I pretty much never listen to MSNBC anymore since the election. I put it on yesterday in my car and Katy Tur was on. She should be on Fox News with her bs. I just changed the station.

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Veronica Speedwell's avatar

Yeah, I screamed at the TV and changed that channel when that smirking bimbo was on.

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David M Marko's avatar

It's because the ogliarchs are now in charge of the MSM. They don't realize though, that they are creating their own demise. MAGAots get their news from Facebook, so they don't figure in viewership, and their fealty to the Facist-in-charge is only going to lose the rest of us who will be tuning out because of their lack of responsibility to bring us the truth.

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Walt Svirsky's avatar

Facebook is a cesspool of disinformation. Zuckerberg is 💯 percent complicit in the fascist coup.

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arne link's avatar

He is obviously falling into dementia. They will prop him up until they have completed their evil agenda, then they will 25 him and Justa Dick Vance will take over the strike the killing blow. Sigh.

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Zito, Anthony's avatar

They just can't wait to pick up their pj's at the re-education camp gate.

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Katy Lea's avatar

I must say that Gavin Newsom's social media team has absolutely made my week with their trolling posts. My very favorite was the one where "many say" that Newsom is the most loved and handsome governor. Great stuff!

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Wendymae's avatar

Seriously great next level trolling, for sure. I wonder if the mad king even gets it.

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arne link's avatar

I'm sure they hide things like this from him. Only good news for the insane emperor.

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Dorian's avatar

As a lifelong Californian, I can attest to the "most handsome governor" part of that statement. His social media team's Trump Trolling is epic.

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Kay-El's avatar

1. Donny now wants a Kennedy Award because he’s forgotten he wanted the Nobel

2. Grass is always greener on the other side; pump and dump; the river runs wide. Where was I going with this? 🙄

3. You can buy people’s old trophies at junk shops. Perfect for Donny’s tarted up WH

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Walt Svirsky's avatar

Lots of my least favorite color showing up in our “White House.” Anyone checked on Ft Knox inventory lately?

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Sharon Hudnall's avatar

Well, he's coo-coo for rococo. The Fort Knox gold must be severely depleted by now.

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longtimebirdwatcher's avatar

Apparently that stuff is gold sprayed styrofoam. It's available for sale from AliBaba for $3.99...

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PTW's avatar

Gold spray paint.

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Deborah Hunter's avatar

Liberace would be pleased.

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Sharon Hudnall's avatar

The "old trophies" are the sorry-assed celebrities like Stallone and KISS lined up to receive honors at the Kennedy Center.

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arne link's avatar

I'm sorry that he nominated George Strait. I like his music. Maybe George will (also) be over-booked?

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Kay-El's avatar

😂

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Deborah Hunter's avatar

Maybe some hospital will give him that worthless Daisy award and then a pizza party to celebrate.

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Ann Anderson's avatar

Mark Burnett is the particular genius/producer who elevated Trump on The Apprentice. We owe the entire shitshow to him. Burnett approached a number of mover/shakers. He wanted a different mogul each week. Trump is the only one who accepted. Burnett's wife is Roma Downey, who calls herself an actress and was the star of Touched By An Angel, a show I worked on but mercifully never actually had to watch.* He's a sociopath who doesn't give a damn about the consequences of his actions and she's a pious dipshit with a pronounced anti-Semitic streak. Your basic golden couple. *Della Reese - nicest person I ever met.

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Walt Svirsky's avatar

Let us all remember and understand that the driving force behind the ongoing coup, is the Heritage Foundation. They are the ones holding Puppet Shitler’s strings.

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Ann Anderson's avatar

I can think of a number of parties who likely own a piece of The Donald or consider him their useful idiot. That said, Trump wouldn't be in the WH if the rubes who believe what they see on teevee didn't think he was brilliant.

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Lady Emsworth's avatar

Yes. Trump is a puppet.

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Stephen Schiff's avatar

aka Heretic Foundation, 'cause that's what they are. Eagerly awaiting their Savonarola moment. Saving up firewood as I speak.

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Robert Eckert's avatar

They've gone beyond heresy to being active worshippers of Antichrist.

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Kathy H's avatar

This has been talked about too little. Reagan was similar, but maybe actually had training as an actor. I sure as hell have not seen much "charisma" in the sleaze-in-chief, & that has been said to be his superpower, like Charles Manson. Equally as outrageous as a "successful businessman" played by a shit actor on TV (in a crap genre, IMO), is that these fuckers think they are going edit our entire reality to promote this shit show. No offense to the real work that goes into entertainment, but our government is not entertainment.

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Robert Eckert's avatar

I lived through the late 60s, early 70s when the politics was not just angry all the time but frequently murderous. And yet, there was no movement then to make Charles Manson the President, even though he was a better person than Donald Trump (he had musical skills and some wit, was not a pedophile, and his cult killed fewer people).

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arne link's avatar

Wow. To think that Manson killed less than Trump was eye opening. I had never seen it in that way. I believe that RFK is working to exceed Trump's kill numbers.

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Kathy H's avatar

Probably that wouldn't have worked because civics & critical thinking were still taught. I see parallels in that both men have been used to promote a narrative, I think to further "population control". I think it's taken generations to dumb people down enough to worship a man entirely devoid of any redeeming qualities. It's an ultimate "act of faith" for Christian Nationalists to have got an entire fabrication into this position of power. Astounding. Disastrous.

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Lee Saloutos's avatar

There is a special place set aside for Burnett in the new tenth circle of hell now under construction. He knew what he was doing and did it anyway. Same for the author that ghost wrote "Art of the Deal". He knew what he was packaging up for mass consumption and did it anyway. That author has since apologized, but that isn't enough.

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Sharon Hudnall's avatar

Hear, hear! Fraud is a deadly sin, assigned to the 8th or 9th circle of Hell by Dante. Burnett even hired a special ass-wiper for the Golden Boy because he already was incontinent over a decade ago. "The Apprentice" appealed to both the sadism and masochism of the American public who adore a strong daddy figure.

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DrBDH's avatar

The only good thing to come out of Touched by an Angel was the brilliant take-off Touched by an Anvil.

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Ann Anderson's avatar

And residual checks! Very very good things to come out of the show. (I love that they mocked the Irish accent on Touched By an Anvil.)

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Juli's avatar

Anyone want to place a wager as to when Mark and Roma get Kennedy Center awards?

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Suki Herr's avatar

A man with a 400 word vocabulary, many of those words shouldn’t be used in public. Is going to hold wrestling match at the White House. The manners of a farm animal, who thinks gold plating everything is the height of sophistication.

I’m from rural Indiana so I’m not an arbiter of taste, but this is just so embarrassing. For people like me who managed to get a college degree, had a grandmother who insisted on perfect grammar, & manners Trump is appalling. He shouldn’t be doing anything with the Kennedy Center. He has no business curating the Smithsonian.

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Walt Svirsky's avatar

Shitler leading the Kennedy Center isn’t as horrible as Bobby Kennedy Jr leading our health agencies.

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Denise Donaldson's avatar

The former is a national insult to taste, culture, and the arts, as well as morale. The latter is levying a death sentence on countless citizens. We're just screwed, all the way around.

To me, the virtual takeover of the Smithsonian is like a knife to the gut.

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Suki Herr's avatar

I agree with what you’re saying. In fact I routinely refer to RFKjr as a serial killer. Check&see.

Also, don’t assume I equate the Kennedy Center with the Kennedy family. Although JR does seem to be an aberration. Actually sociopathic narcissist with access to large amounts of money makes him more like Trump vs Kennedys.

I don’t know your age or your politics, I know the Kennedy family is far from perfect, but for example Jacqueline Kennedy was educated at the Sorbonne, she asked for expert consultation, she was interested in the art not the attention.

As a teenager the only poster on my wall was Bobby. When I saw&heard Barack Obama I thought of Bobby. I know about Roy Cohn. Bobby wasn’t perfect, but the Kennedy’s contributed to society not just taking the way the Trumps do.

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Denise Donaldson's avatar

I beg your pardon, Suki. Farm animals are quite well mannered. How dare you insult them????? 😉

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Suki Herr's avatar

I grew up in farm country. Not always.

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Denise Donaldson's avatar

But farm animals do what they do instinctively. And even at that, they're orders of magnitude better behaved than mango man. Our elderly, diabetic dog who sometimes has accidents in the house has better manners.

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SethTriggs's avatar

Murc's Law allows this repellent behavior. A whine like this would be a two-week scandal in a Democratic administration, followed by resignations. Here it's just Thursday.

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Walt Svirsky's avatar

Perhaps the only saving grace of Shitler’s administration is that the screech monkeys on the right are relatively mute. As long as fascism is in progress, they have nothing to say.

But, godammit, Hillary’s emails!

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HI2thDoc's avatar

Benghazi!!!

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Walt Svirsky's avatar

😂😂😂

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SethTriggs's avatar

She gave speeches. FOR MONEY. That's bad! The pricktator gibbering us into having death squads is AOK.

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arne link's avatar

Don't forget Obama's tan suit.

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HI2thDoc's avatar

Letting their mother be buried on that fucking golf course, and now the disrespectfully untended condition of her grave site tells me all I need to know about her demon spawn that is masquerading as Jr., Eric, and Vanky. Unrepentant pieces of shit.

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Walt Svirsky's avatar

Why aren’t Don Jr and Eric in Shitler’s cabinet? Is it against the law (😂😂😂) or does Daddy realize they are incapable?

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arne link's avatar

Why didn't he bring his beloved Ivanks back into the white house? Did his handlers stop him? I know she's working behind the scenes.

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HI2thDoc's avatar

She knows his unhinged, toxic treason will reflect poorly on her

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Chet Brandt's avatar

Ivanka add Jared are to busy fleecing people here in NJ with the convicted felon Charles Kushner…

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Stephanie Lajeskie's avatar

I’m not a an expert on the Bible, so can someone please read Genesis, and remind me what day God created the pump?

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George in Atlanta's avatar

Genesis 1:10 reads: "God called the dry land Earth, and the waters that were gathered together he called Seas. And God saw that it was good."

From this, top theologians have interpreted that God did all this "waters-gathering" using huge-ass pumps of His special design. The Waters in question were then hosed through the giant spigot up there in Canada to fill all the seas of the world.

So endeth today's lesson, children.

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Sharon Hudnall's avatar

The household bill for water in San Diego has jumped $100 more per month. Posters on NextDoor are now screaming "Hey, where's all our Canadian water that's supposed to relieve the drought?"

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arne link's avatar

Wow, really? That's terrible. Mine was $21 and I live in the desert. Sorry.

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longtimebirdwatcher's avatar

Thanks George, I'm missing the first couple chapters of Genesis.

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Nancy's avatar

Good one, Stephanie! 🤣🤣🤣

…”the biggest pumps that God ever created”… What an imbecile!

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Walt Svirsky's avatar

So, he wasn’t talking about shoes?

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Denise Donaldson's avatar

You slay me, Walt!

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Walt Svirsky's avatar

“We need a beautiful topping by a very talented asphalt-type person.”

Could this “beautiful topping” person not be the Queen of Cakes? You know, the hideous blob that refuses to put gay toppings on wedding cakes. That and the fact that she is a true MAGAT is all the qualifications a person needs to be approved for Shitler’s cabinet. In my eyes, she is definitely an “asphalt type person.”

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Alison Parker's avatar

"Beautiful topping" why is he telling us his porn fantasies

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Jeff Tiedrich's avatar

so I'm not the only person who heard "beautiful topping" and went "too much information, dude"

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Walt Svirsky's avatar

His disease is seeping out of his Big Mac hole.

I have a 10 year old doggo who I love very much. He is, however, unable to control his barking. It just oozes out of him, like a beer keg with a bad seal. Such is Shitler. Those spiders spinning webs in his big fat pumpkin head are pushing gobbledygook out his mouf’ and there ain’t no fucking way he is in control of what spews out.

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Liz and Max the No. 1 Cat's avatar

I'm convinced that all MAGAs hear when they listen to Donny Dumbass talk is the sound of the adults in a Charlie Brown cartoon. Otherwise, how could anybody listen to him talk for five minutes and not realize he's a gibbering idiot? The stuff he says makes no fucking sense. Again, I recognize all (or most) of the words, but the order he puts them in is nonsensical. I'm not an expert or a professional grammarian, but English was one of my two favorite subjects in school and his mangling of the English language grates on my nerves. (History was my other favorite subject, math and geography, on the other hand, were my bête noirs.)

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Sharon Hudnall's avatar

Christo-fascists think he's now speaking in tongues. Hallelujah! We are so blessed.

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Lady Emsworth's avatar

Enough, already! I'm still gagging over Loomer's arby's.

Oh, jeez, maybe I should rephrase that. . .

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Mary Hall's avatar

I listened to a trial attorney on TikTok read that transcript. I only have one comment: Dafuq?

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Walt Svirsky's avatar

“Dafuq,” use it twice and it’s yours for life.

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arne link's avatar

The guys reading the transcript couldn't stop laughing. It was nasty but genuinely hysterical to hear.

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Alison Parker's avatar

Indeed not! I read that phrase and immediately was like "ew dude".

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Susan Niemann's avatar

LOL

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Kay-El's avatar

Personally I like caramel

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Walt Svirsky's avatar

Good choice, but, I gotta go with the hot fudge, Kay-El.

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Susan Niemann's avatar

Yes...with roasted pecans. 😬

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Denise Donaldson's avatar

The absolute best? Caramel, hot fudge, roasted pecans....and coconut! To die for.

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Fastball Fredo's avatar

And after reading his quotes you included today…well… I’m sure the confab with Putin will be just swell. I do wonder if Alaska will remain an American state after tomorrow…watching Russian tv I see they refer to Alaska as Russia’s property and they want it back…

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Susan Niemann's avatar

I wonder if Lisa Murkowski is at all concerned????? 🙄

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Mary Hall's avatar

Lisa is the sole person responsible for the passage of the Big Fugly Bill. She can eat a big bag of unsalted Russian dicks and die.

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Susan Niemann's avatar

👏👏👏👏. She’ll get her chance!

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CAM from 🇨🇦's avatar

I was asked the same question by a reader on Monday. Who the hell cares about Senator Murkowsky’s concerns. She always votes with her eyes wide open to support her Repugnican compatriots.

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Susan Niemann's avatar

Right you are. I wonder if she practices her "sad and concerned" face in the mirror. 🙄

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Walt Svirsky's avatar

Lisa is VERY concerned, Susan! Didn’t you hear? She is on the phone now with Susan Collins to express her trepidation.

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Susan Niemann's avatar

😂😂😂

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HI2thDoc's avatar

Print out his rambling non sequiturs for your MAGA golf pard to read while they eat lunch.

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George in Atlanta's avatar

Is there a Trump bingo card out yet? I feel a drinking game coming on!

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Kathy H's avatar

Lol, I am sure there are many doing their own versions, I've never wished I still drank so much in my life!

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Caroline (OR)'s avatar

Take a hit off the bong?

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Fastball Fredo's avatar

Hey Doc.. I have quoted the Orange Pie Hole numerous times… fact of the matter…they don’t care.. so I bring quotes up at times they are not expected….gets them off guard and stammering.. I do my best.

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HI2thDoc's avatar

Yours is a thankless task. Keep up the good fight even though they are seemingly irredeemable

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longtimebirdwatcher's avatar

That's my take on it. I think I may have suggested two days ago that Alaskans should think about leaving.

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MsAnthropic's avatar

"KaroLYIN LEAVITT" - I am deceased. I am an ex-MsAnthrope.

I did not want to like Gavin Newsom nearly as much as I currently do. I'd be mad about it if I had any mad left.

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eliza james's avatar

SO GOOD!

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