Preznit Fuckwit to American citizens stranded in the Middle East: ‘sucks to be you’

evacuation plan? what evacuation plan?

‘please do not rely on the US government for assisted departure or evacuation at this time. there are currently no United States evacuation points.’
— the recorded message you hear when you call the Office of Overseas Citizens Services hotline.

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hey, are you an American citizen currently in the Middle East? are you freaking the fuck out right now, because bombs are raining down all over the place? does it feel like you have a target painted on your back? are you trying to find a way to get home as quickly — and as safely — as possible?

if so, the United States government would like to convey the following helpful message: ‘too fucking bad for you.’

here’s a heartwarming story of what happens when rock-bottom stupidity meets a depraved indifference to human life on a mass scale.

hundreds of thousands of American citizens are stranded in the Middle East right now, with no way of getting home. here’s one of them: retired Maj. Gen. Randy Manner, currently hunkering down in the United Arab Emirates.

“one of the small things that does matter to tens of thousands of people here as well as their families — it’s a little bit disheartening to hear that the UK government is arranging transport for the British citizens, whereas here as Americans we feel abandoned. the State Department is in survival mode because as we know the administration reduced their budget by almost half.”

‘little bit disheartening’ is a mild way of putting it, when the US government has no interest in getting you home.

there’s really no safe place in the Middle East right now.

as soon as bombs started falling and shit went sideways, the entire region’s airports and sea lanes shut down. there’s no way in, and no way out.

but don’t expect any help from Dear Leader, or any of his fucked-up flunkies. they blundered their way into an unprovoked, unnecessary and illegal war — and spent a grand total of zero seconds on the question of what will we do about all the Americans we are now putting in harm’s way?

it’s just another grim reminder that your government doesn’t give a shit about you.

can’t afford groceries, due to tariff incoherence? too goddamned bad. facing a medical bankruptcy because you lost your Obamacare subsidies? fuck straight off. disappeared into an ICE concentration camp, even though you’re an American citizen? piss up a rope. no, wait — piss up ALL the ropes.

stranded in the Middle East? boo fucking hoo. stop being such a whiny baby.

oh, and don’t expect help any time soon — because these warmongering shit-kazoos are more interested in passing the blame than in actually solving the problem.

reporter: “thousands of Americans are stranded. why wasn’t there an evacuation plan?”

Donny: “well, because it happened all very quickly, we thought, and I thought maybe more so than most. I could ask Marco, but I thought we were going to have a situation where we were going to be attacked. they were getting ready to attack Israel. they were getting ready to attack.”

fact check: shut the fuck up, Donny.

we’re going to have to slap down this lie every single goddamned day, aren’t we? because that’s their entire rationale for clownfucking the entire Middle East into chaos, and they’re never going to stop repeating it.

‘we had to.’ no, you didn’t ‘have to.’ you wanted to.

for fuck’s sake, enough with the gaslighting. this is a war of choice. a disastrous, unprovoked, unnecessary and illegal war of choice.

but sure, let’s ask Liddle Marco why there’s no evacuation plan in place. oh, wait — reporters already have. the problem is, Marco’s useless. he’s absolutely useless. he is, he’s as useless as a marzipan dildo.

seriously, listen to this weak-tea drivel.

reporter: “was there a plan in place to evacuate Americans before the attack?”

Rubio: “that’s the plan we're trying to carry out. the problem is airspace closures.”

no, the problem isn’t ‘airspace closures.’ the problem is that there was no plan. no forethought. no ‘hey, what about all the Americans already in the Middle East?’ all these shitwits have adopted Donny’s ‘act first and think never’ ethos.

and now that they’ve bungled their way into a quagmire-in-the-making, and have put American citizens in danger, all they can do is try to pin the blame on anyone but their own culpable selves.

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oh look, Donny (or more likely, some flunky with access to his social media) helpfully posted a State Department phone number that stranded Americans can call.

Threads user Kimmie Nicole actually called that number, and here’s what happened when she did.

“welcome to the Department of State’s Bureau of Consular Affairs Office of Overseas Citizens Services, serving US citizens abroad. if you are calling about the crisis in the Middle East, please press 1.”

ok, let’s do that. beeeep.

“please do not rely on the US government for assisted departure or evacuation at this time. there are currently no United States evacuation points. please continue to check the embassy’s website for updated information.”

ohhhhhh, okay. thanks for nothing, assholes.

what in the hallowed name of Bureaucracy Jesus is this bullshit? why even bother giving out that number, if you’re just going to tell people to go fuck themselves?

maybe the Space Nazi’s merry band of pimply DOGE incels shouldn’t have fired half the State Department, and slashed their budget to nothing. maybe then, they might have the resources to actually be helpful.

the State Department is useless. they’re absolutely useless. they are, they’re as useless as a marzipan dildo.

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I know I keep asking this, but I still haven’t figured out how mushmouth marblebrain Markwayne Mullin became the go-to guy for when reporters need a sound bite. the guy’s a fucking idiot. his brain is Swiss cheese. he can’t complete one coherent thought.

listen to this supreme batshittery. words, how do they work?

CNN reporter Manu Raju: “you’ll concede this is war?”

Mulling: “we haven’t declared war. they declared war on us.”

Raju: “the president called it war and Secretary Hegseth called it war.”

second reporter: “when you walked up just now, you said ‘war.’”

Mullin: “okay. that was a misspoke.”

that was a ‘misspoke’? dude, your mom is a misspoke.

of course, the reason why Republicans in Congress are refusing to call this a war is because if they did, that would be an admission that Operation Epstein Diversion is illegal. only Congress has the power to declare war. but they’re not going to do any of that shit — because once again, they’ve completely abdicated their role as a check against the executive branch, and are simply going to let Dear Leader do whatever the fuck he wants.

Congressional Republicans are useless. they’re absolutely useless. how useless are they, folks? everyone please say it with me —

they’re as useless as a marzipan dildo.

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everything is all fucked to hell right now, but at least we can enjoy Senator Thom Tillis completely losing his shit and screaming at ICE Barbie for being a puppy murderer.

“now secretary, I read your book last week. and, honestly some of the parts of it impressed me, but some of it distresses me — and I’ll give you a good example of one that does. the passage where you talk about killing a dog that was 14 months old. I train dogs, all right? and you are a farmer. you should know better. you should know that if you’re going out to a hunting lodge, and you’re putting pheasants out, and you’re putting dogs out, YOU DON’T TAKE A PUPPY OUT THERE. a 14 month old dog is basically a teenager in dog years. you decided to kill that dog because you had not invested the appropriate time and training — and then you have the audacity to go into a book and say it’s a leadership lesson about tough choices! you killed a goat. and you killed a goat because you said it was behaving badly. you are a farmer. you don’t castrate a goat, they behave badly. my point is, THOSE ARE BAD DECISIONS, made in the head of the moment — NOT UNLIKE WHAT HAPPENED IN MINNEAPOLIS.”

have a great Wednesday, everyone. try not to kill any goats.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.