President Musk fucks around — and finds out that governmenting is hard

making threats is easy. passing bills is a different story

United States President Elon Musk learned a thing about politics yesterday that the rest of us have known for a long time: House Republicans suck at governing.

the 118th Congress was one of the most ineffective ever. Republicans achieved exactly 0% of their agenda in 2024. their majority is too thin, and they have too many self-sabotaging bomb-throwers in their midst to get anything done. these clownshoe fuckbrains can’t even rename a post office, much less impeach the Biden Crime Family.

it looks like the House GOP is going to end 2024 exactly the same way they started it: by accomplishing diddly squat.

after his budget bill went down in flames on Wednesday, House Speaker Holy Mike Johnson spent most of Thursday at what he does best: being an ineffectual dweeb, and doing fuck-all.

then, about 4pm yesterday, Vice President Donald Trump took to his crappy app to breathlessly announce that a new budget deal had been struck.

SUCCESS in Washington!

Speaker Mike Johnson and the House have come to a very good Deal for the American People. The newly agreed to American Relief Act of 2024 will keep the Government open, fund our Great Farmers and others, and provide relief for those severely impacted by the devastating hurricanes.

fun fact: the “new” deal that Donny and Holy Mike cooked up was virtually identical to the one that got voted down two days ago. there were really only two significant changes. one, there was a special carve-out to shit-can the debt ceiling for two years — giving Donny just enough time to push through his deficit-bloating tax cuts for oligarchs.

two, the revised deal cut $190 million that had been earmarked for child cancer research.

The new stripped-down funding bill proposed on Thursday is literally throwing out the baby with the bathwater: It will exclude $190 million for the bipartisan “Give Kids a Chance” program for child cancer research.

Merry Christmas, kids with cancer! Santa Trump says go fuck yourselves! ho ho ho!

the entire US budget for 2024 was $6.752 trillion. $190 million is 0.0028% of that number — and that’s what they choose to cut. one-ninety mil is what the Space Nazi carries around in his wallet. he could single-handedly fund all the cancer research in America and not miss one penny of his obscene wealth. but no — fuck you, cancer kids, President Musk needs his taxes cut.

what is it with Republicans, always taking money away from cancer-stricken kids?

let’s return to this business of the debt ceiling. raise your hand if you remember why Feckless Kevin McCarthy lost his job as House Speaker.

hmm, I don’t see a lot of hands in the air — so here’s Texas Rep Jasmine Crockett with a history lesson.

“let me remind you, because you brought up the debt ceiling — remember why the last Speaker got kicked out? it was because he raised the debt ceiling. and Trump was the one calling for his head. now, he’s like ‘raise the debt ceiling.’ you know why? because his Trump tax cuts, this whole con that he has, right, that helps out all the billionaires that he’s putting into his administration, those tax cuts expire in 2025. mind you, he is the only president we’ve ever had that in one term ran our debt up to eight trillion dollars. so he already knows, he’s about to run our debt up, so he doesn’t want to have to deal with the debt ceiling. instead, he wants us to do it.”

so: raising the debt limit is bad when America needs to pay its bills, but it’s good when billionaires want to pay less taxes. got it.

not every Republican, however, was cool with the idea of exploding the deficit so that billionaires could become trillionaires. the Freedom Caucus hates debt — any debt, for any reason, by any party — and so when when the revised budget deal was announced, they threw a shit-fit. let’s all enjoy Texas Rep Chip Roy melting straight the fuck down.

“we’re gonna increase the deficit by five trillion dollars. that’s what’s gonna happen. right here. by Republicans. increasing the debt, five trillion dollars. and what are you doing in the same bill? one hundred and ten billion dollars, unpaid for. because you never have any ounce of self-respect to go out and campaign, saying you’re gonna balance the budget, and then you come in here and pass a hundred and ten billion dollars, unpaid for. on top of the two hundred billion dollars you did for [unintelligible] — you guys won’t agree with that — but the fact of the matter is three hundred and thirty billion dollars, congratulations, you’ve added to the debt, since you were given the majority again on November 5th. it’s embarrassing. it’s shameful. yes, I think this bill is better than it was yesterday on certain respects. but to take this bill yesterday, and congratulate yourselves because it’s shorter in pages, but increases the debt by five trillion dollars is asinine. and that’s precisely what Republicans are doing.”

spoiler alert: the bill failed.

“some Republicans.” why is the New York Fucking Times so allergic to reporting actual facts? the number was 38.

38 Republicans voted against it.

that’s 38 Republicans that President Musk will now have to primary. making childish threats is easy. governmenting is hard.

so, we’re right back where we started — except one more day has been erased from the calendar. if we don’t have a deal by midnight tonight, the government shuts down.

President Musk knows exactly who’s to blame for thirty-eight Republican defections: the Democrats.

“A super fair & simple bill was put to a vote and only 2 Democrats in Congress were in favor. Therefore, responsibility for the shutdown rests squarely on the shoulders of @RepJeffries.”

boo fucking hoo, Space Nazi. pro tip: it’s not the Democrats’ job to help you bankrupt the country. maybe you should be threatening the 38 Republican turncoats harder. yeah, threaten to primary them twice. that should work.

the Republicans who weren’t interested in blaming the Dems got busy eating their own faces.

Jesse Watters: “what have you guys been doing for the last 85 days?”
Nancy Mace: “I’ve been filing a lot of bills.”
Watters: “who’s in control? Republicans have the House, so what has the Republican party been doing for the last 85 days?”

hey, don’t blame any of this chaos on Nancy Mace, she’s been filing a lot of bills. real vital stuff, these bills — like the No Peeners In My Bathroom Act of 2025.

this is going to be our saving grace. Republicans are hopeless when it comes to doing their jobs. President Musk and Vice President Trump can stamp their feet and make all the threats they want, but House Reps will begin the next Congress with a razor-thin majority. all it will take is one malcontent to derail their whole —

WASHINGTON D.C. — As part of the upcoming 119th Congress, U.S. Rep. Victoria Spartz, R-Ind. District 5 said she will not sit on any committees or participate in the Republican caucus.

oopsies!

you thought the 118th Congress was ineffectual? the chaos-monkeys of the 119th Congress are going to teach a master class in Getting Nothing Done.

by the way, this business of referring to the Space Nazi as “President Musk” is getting under Donny’s skin — so much so that he directed his people to put out a statement.

“Trump spox Karoline Leavitt responds to “Elon Musk is the real leader” rhetoric from Dems: ‘As soon as President Trump released his official stance on the CR, Republicans on Capitol Hill echoed his point of view. President Trump is the leader of the Republican Party. Full stop.’”

this thin-skinned man-baby can’t stand the idea of anyone else trying to hog the spotlight he believes he alone deserves.

when Donny finally blows his stack and consigns the Space Nazi to the wilderness, the fireworks from the both of them — as they become mortal enemies — will be fucking glorious.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.