oh look, it’s Diddler on the Roof

just another perfectly normal day in the life of Donny Demento

yesterday, the lone surviving member of Sgt. Pedo’s Lonely Hearts Club Band created a commotion when he wandered out onto the roof of the White House Assisted Living Facility and started barking incoherently into the wind.

no, seriously. you can’t make this shit up — because who the fuck would believe it?

what’s this deteriorating old geezer doing up there? is he looking for the Epstein Files?

most of Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants’ ranting was lost in the ozone. here’s the intelligible part.

“it’s just another way to spend my money for the country. anything I do is financed by me. so you don’t have [unintelligible] contributed. just like my salary is contributed, but nobody ever mentions that.”

the official White House story was that Dear Leader went up on the roof to inspect the fugly concrete parking lot that now sits where the Rose Garden used to be, and also to get an eyeful of where he’s going to put that shitawful ginormous ballroom.

so, is Donny claiming he’s going to use his own money to pay for the dance hall construction? is that what this ‘anything I do is financed by me’ boast is all about?

fact check: bull fucking shit.

Donny never pays for anything. the opposite is true. not only is Donny enriching himself from the presidency, we the people are financing his Saudi-prince-wannabe lifestyle. Donny just spent ten million taxpayer dollars so he could spend five days goofing off and cheating at golf in Scotland. he charges the Secret Service obscene amounts of money to stay in the golf motels he visits every weekend.

for fuck’s sake, we’re shelling out nearly a billion taxpayer dollars to upgrade that vulgar flying bordello that he gets to take home with him when his nightmarish hellscape presidency finally ends.

so I’ll believe Donny’s personally paying for the White House to be turned into the Kremlin West when I see the cancelled checks.

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hey, you know who else thought his official government residence was a tiny shithole that needed to be massively enlarged? of course you do.

here’s a fun item from the January 10, 1939 edition of The New York Times.

don’t you love that subhead?

Chancellor Explains That He Remains Simple at Home but Must Have Public Show

‘I’m Adolf Fuckin’ Hitler, bro. I gotta have that public show.’

just an insane megalomaniac Fascist dictator, insisting that he needs to create a constant public spectacle — of which he is the center. does that sound like anyone we know?

when you read these old New York Times articles about the pre-war Hitler, you realize they were sanewashing his crazypants shit, too.

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if Donny was up on that roof hoping to distract people from asking questions about his dead pedo bestie, it didn’t work — because here’s Jeremy Newberger to win the entire internet, forever.

after that, #DiddlerOnTheRoof trended on Elon’s Nazi bar for the rest of the day.

the only thing you need to know about the Mad King’s rooftop antics is that Donny’s name is on every page of the Epstein Files.

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speaking of the which, here’s a perfectly normal thing that our perfectly normal government is doing.

The administration’s handling of the Epstein case, as well as the need to craft a unified response, is expected to be a main focus of the dinner, three sources familiar with the meeting told CNN. The meeting will include White House chief of staff Susie Wiles, Vice President JD Vance, Attorney General Pam Bondi, FBI Director Kash Patel and Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche.

this is probably the most perfectly normal stuff ever. what administration hasn’t had to arrange a meeting with the Attorney General, the Deputy Attorney General, the White House Chief of Staff, the FBI Director and the Vice President in order to get their stories straight about the president’s dead pedo bestie?

because make no mistake, that’s what “craft a unified response” means.

pro tip: innocent people don’t have to get all their henchmen together to ‘craft a unified response’ to a cover-up. it’s all so blatantly corrupt, and they wonder why the press won’t stop hounding them about #DeadPedoBestieGate.

the only thing you need to know about this meeting at Couchfuck McGee’s house is that is that Diddler on the Roof’s name is on every page of the Epstein Files.

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oh lordy, look who else is going to finally get to the bottom of this whole Epstein Files thing. it’s the rake-steppingest fuckwit on Capitol Hill. Comer Fudd, the marble-mouthed moron who can’t even figure out how old Joe Biden is.

look at this massive self-own:

The House Oversight Committee on Tuesday issued subpoenas for Department of Justice records on the Jeffrey Epstein investigation, as well as for interviews with a slate of former government officials in connection to the case.

bring it on, dumb-ass. let’s say that the Donny Administration actually complies (my money’s on them stonewalling the whole thing) and the DOJ actually sends over the files. does Comer Fudd not realize that Dear Leader’s name is all over that shit? way to make it public knowledge, bro. ace job. take a victory lap.

actually, Comer’s hand was forced by Oversight Committee Democrats, who got Republicans Nancy Mace, Scott Perry and Brian Jack to vote along with them back in July.

Comer was required to send the subpoenas after a Democratic-led subcommittee vote in July.

but check this out: Comer’s going to turn the whole thing into a clowntastic travesty, which is par for his course. look at who he’s subpoenaing to testify.

Oversight Chair James Comer (R-Ky.) announced that he was summoning nearly a dozen former officials to appear for depositions on the Epstein investigation — a list that includes former President Bill Clinton and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.

Former U.S. Attorneys General William Barr, Alberto Gonzales, Jeff Sessions, Loretta Lynch, Eric Holder and Merrick Garland, as well as former FBI Directors Robert Mueller and James Comey were also tapped to give testimony in connection to the case.

gee, it’s all the people Donny’s accused of ginning-up the “fake” Epstein Files that his name definitely doesn’t appear in. it’s just more delusional performative nonsense to please an Audience of One.

the only thing you need to know about Comer Fudd’s dog-and-pony kabuki is that is that Donny’s name is on every page of the Epstein Files.

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before we go, let’s listen to Dear Leader do a racism.

“we’re taking care of our farmers. we can’t let our farmers not have anybody uhhh you know these are very uh these people, that they’re— you can’t replace them very easily. you know, people that live in the inner city are not doing that work. they’re just not doing that work. and they’ve tried, we've tried, everybody tried. they don’t do it. these people do it naturally. naturally. I said ‘what happens if they get it’ to a farmer the other day. ‘what happens if they get a bad back?’ he said ‘they don’t get a bad back, sir, because if they get a bad back, they die.’ I said, ‘that’s interesting, isn’t it?’”

a ‘sir story’! everybody take a drink!

Donny actually does two racisms in that incoherent sound bite. first, he complains about the ahem ‘inner city’ people, who, according to Donny, are too lazy to work in the fields, even though ‘we’ve tried’ to get them to do it.

you know, I seem to recall that America did a very efficient job of getting ‘those people’ to work in the fields, starting around the year 1619 and going all the way to the Civil War.

the second racism is Donny’s nonsensical belief that migrants are particularly suited for farm work because ‘these people do it naturally’ — which, by the way, is the same thing the South said about black people in order to justify enslaving them and forcing them to labor for free for two hundred and fifty years.

these people do it naturally.

fuck you, you paternalistic prick.

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wait, here’s one more clip of President Moron.

“we’ll be putting a initially small tariff on pharmaceuticals. but in one year, one and a half years maximum, it’s going to go to 150%, and then it’s going to go to 250%, because we want pharmaceuticals made in our country.”

wait, we’re doing what now? Donny’s going to make already-unaffordable drugs even more unaffordable?

but hang on — I thought Donny had already brought the price of drugs down by an astonishing fifteen hundred percent. that’s what he was bragging about two days ago.

“one of the things we’re going to be talking about pretty soon are the uhhh tremendous drop in drug prices. you know, we’ve cut drug prices by twelve hundred, thirteen hundred, fourteen hundred, fifteen hundred percent. I don’t mean fifty percent. I mean fourteen, fifteen hundred percent.”

Donny’s just farting out whatever random number he thinks of at any given moment. none of it makes any fucking sense — or is even mathematically possible — and the press just stands around, scratching their asses and going ‘well, I guess so.’

could any of you math whizzes out there explain to me, if you have a drug that costs $75 dollars, and you lower that price by fifteen hundred percent, and then you slap a 250% tariff on it, what does it now cost?

let’s ask Robbie the Robot if he can calculate it.

I thought so.

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and now, let’s wrap things up with a round of Easy Questions, Easy Answers.

no. fuck no.

what the fuck is wrong with you, New York Times?

(by the way, don’t go looking for this shit-show of a headline on the Time’s website. after getting soundly mocked on social media, they changed it.)

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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