‘off with their tariffs!’ screams Mad King Fuckwit
have you heard the news? crashed economies are good
hey, you want to hear something really stupid?
“trade wars are good, and easy to win.”
that’s a thing America’s used-car-salesman-in-chief actually said, way back in March, 2018. he’s repeated it numerous times since. he really believes that ‘winning’ is as easy as just jacking up tariffs over and over until the other guy cries uncle.
it’s magical thinking — because in reality, trade wars are not good, nor are they easy to win. they’re big, messy, and have a funny way of blowing right the fuck up in your big dumb pumpkin face.
but there’s no use in trying to explain this to Donny, because he’s a low-wattage imbecile with a toddler’s understanding of the world — and so he’s just going to continue to clownfuck our once-strong economy straight into the shitter.
yesterday, Donny woke up in a Big Hissy and decided he was going to teach those smug European bastards a fucked-up lesson in economics they won’t soon forget.
“The European Union, one of the most hostile and abusive taxing and tariffing authorities in the World, which was formed for the sole purpose of taking advantage of the United States, has just put a nasty 50% Tariff on Whisky. If this Tariff is not removed immediately, the U.S. will shortly place a 200% Tariff on all WINES, CHAMPAGNES, & ALCOHOLIC PRODUCTS COMING OUT OF FRANCE AND OTHER E.U. REPRESENTED COUNTRIES. This will be great for the Wine and Champagne businesses in the U.S.”
so Donny’s gonna jack up the tariffs on European wine and liquor by a skillionty percent, and Americans will be forced to buy domestic product. a win for everybody, right?
um, no.
here’s what Donny is too simpleminded to understand: economies are fragile things, and everything is interconnected in ways that are not readily apparent. it’s like a whole big fucking jenga tower. remove the wrong piece, and everything crashes all to hell.
let’s turn the explanation over to Heather Cox Richardson — because she’s a scholar, and I’m a guy who just gets mad at shit.
In fact, journalist Dave Infante, who covers drinking in America at Fingers, noted that while it seems counterintuitive, such a tariff would “crush the US wine industry. Booze gets to market on distributors’ trucks,” he posted. “These fleets need volume to run efficiently. Subtract EU wine from the equation & it no longer pencils out. Any gains from less competition would likely be paid back out in margin loss.”
got that? remove European wine from the equation and suddenly domestic liquor is no longer profitable to transport, and you end up with a bunch of big fucking jenga blocks smashed up against your face.
you can’t indiscriminately swing a meat axe into the economy and expect miracles — but just try to explain any of that to Donny. five words in, and the coked-up squirrel that does laps inside Donny’s head will tune it right out.
so, how did the markets react to Donny’s tantrum? they continued their weeks-long crash, is what they did.
heckuva job, Mister Trade Wars Are Easy To Win. the major indexes are now in “correction” territory, which is economist-speak for some reckless fucking idiot caused the markets to drop by more than ten percent.
so, now that Donny has spectacularly shit the bed, here comes every Republican, crawling out of the woodwork to enthusiastically roll around in the mess.
“our economy has been on a sugar high for a long time.”
that was Montana Senator Tim Sheehy, yesterday, toeing the new Republican line: stock market crashes are fucking awesome. a couple of days ago, we got the same nonsense from Tommy Tuberville.
“we were probably overbloated with the stock market here for a while. we went up quite a bit.”
I’m sorry, the only thing overbloated is Terminally-Concussed Tommy’s enthusiasm for playing football without a helmet.
now wait just one minute. just what fucking flavor Kool Aid are Republicans expecting us to swallow here? I’m so old, I remember when crashes were bad. I remember when some 34-count criminal dicksnot kept telling us that Kamala would tank the stock market if she got elected.
but we’re not living in yesterday’s reality any more, because Donny is never wrong — who are you to question Dear Leader in His infinite wisdom? if he crashes the economy, well goddamn it, that’s because crashed economies are good.
yeah, right. tell that to all the people whose 401ks just went fuckity-bye.
it’s a fucking cult, and it would be hilarious to watch if the stakes weren’t so high.
now for today’s Crowning Moment of Batshit.
“Denmark is very far away and really has nothing to do. what happens, a boat landed there 200 years ago or something and they say they have rights to it. I don’t know if that’s true. I don’t think it is, actually.”
Donny’s latest argument about why deserve to have Greenland boils down to “it isn’t fair that Denmark got there first” — because Donny is like a toddler who sees another child with a toy that he wants.
gimme! gimme! mine!
Donny “doesn’t know if it’s true” that Denmark has rights to Greenland. Donny, facts don’t give a shit whether or not you believe them.
this is the same magical-thinking fucknuttery that leads Donny to claim that because our border with Canada is mostly a straight line, it isn’t real and we can just ignore it.
gimme! gimme! mine!
none of Donny’s ever-shifting rationales make a lick of sense. it’s Calvinball, is what it is. Donny’s making up the rules as he goes along.
Donny’s going to Calvinball us straight into armed conflicts with Greenland, Denmark, Canada, Panama, and god knows where else — because, just like trade wars, real wars are apparently good, and easy to win.
gimme! gimme! mine!
and once again, it would be fucking hilarious to watch if the stakes weren’t so high.
here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
no, I didn't write about Chuck Schumer's capitulation — because I didn't want my head to explode. but that doesn't mean you can't talk about here in the comment.
💥💥💥 DONT MISS THIS!!! 🧨🧨🧨
STEPHEN COLBERT told Tesla jokes last night. Neither Steven nor I condone vandalism, but we are definitely willing to look the other way.
“Tesla owners are facing backlash everywhere they go. Recently, somebody stole the wheels from every single Tesla in a Texas parking lot. Whoever did it, I do not condone this, but I do appreciate your ‘tire-less’ efforts.” —
“Now, I want to be clear: I do not condone violence or vandalism of any kind. That is a deeply held belief of mine that comes from the bottom of my CBS legal department." — STEPHEN COLBERT
“With that in mind, I find it interesting that there’s a growing trend of Cybertrucks being vandalized and used as skate ramps or covered in garbage. To be fair, that might not be vandalism; that might just be a simple mistake because they do look a lot like a dumpster.” — STEPHEN COLBERT