news flash: not one person outside the Wingnut Grievance Bubble gives one shit about “the twitter files”

Jim Jordan, the Human Self-Own In Shirtsleeves, just can’t stop stepping on rakes

Jim Jordan, the Human Self-Own In Shirtsleeves, just can’t stop stepping on rakes.

yesterday, Gym had star witness Matt Taibbi front and center at the Hearing on the Weaponizaton of At This Point Who the Fuck Even Cares.

Matt was there to blow the lid off this whole Twitter Files thing.

it didn’t go well for Matt.

Aaron Rupar @atrupar

WASSERMAN SCHULTZ: Journalists should avoid accepting spoon-fed, cherry-picked information if it's likely to be slanted, would you agree with that? TAIBBI: I think it depends WS: Really? *plays clip of Taibbi basically agreeing with the premise of her question on Rogan's pod*

now I hear you asking, what are these twitter files, and why are they so important? allow me to illuminate:

the twitter files are an attempt to prove that Donald Trump’s DOJ and Donald Trump’s FBI both conspired with a private company in order to silence the voice of … Donald Trump.

now wait a minute, you’re probably saying, that makes no sense.

of course that makes no sense, that’s why these hearings have been a complete clownshoes shitshow.

oh, and it was also a conspiracy to keep ordinary citizens from seeing Hunter Biden’s dick. I almost forgot about that part.

but here’s the thing: inside the Wingnut Grievance Bubble, the twitter files are The Most Important Thing Ever, because inside their little self-enclosed feedback loop, the twitter files prove to the dipshits that everything really is rigged against them and all their grievances are valid.

outide of the Wingnut Grievance bubble, it’s a different story. no one knows or cares about the twitter files. the twitter files? what the fuck is a twitter file? next time you’re in the supermarket checkout line, engage the person next to you in a serious conversation about the twitter files.

they’ll most likely react as if you have lice crawling around in your eyebrows, and will back away.

and that’s why Jim Jordan can huff and puff and hold all the hearings he wants, and he can yell and wave his arms and put his star witnesses on live television and bluster and waste taxpayer money until the cows come home, and in the end it won’t matter one bit.

because there’s no there there, there’s no crime and nobody out in the real world gives one 24-carat fuck.

sorry Jimmy. better luck next scandal.