narcoleptic fart factory has his finger on the button. or maybe he doesn’t.

on Iran, Donny has no fucking clue what he’s doing

hey, everyone! let’s play Wheel of Moron. here’s how it goes: you take the stupidest fucking imbecile to have ever loaded a diaper in the Oval Office. you make sure he has no impulse control, no understanding of how geopolitics works, and — most importantly — absolutely no understanding of how consequences work.

you take this fuckwit, and you put him in charge of a nuclear arsenal.

and that’s it! ready to play? here we go.

Kaitlin Collins: “does that mean you haven’t made a decision yet on what to do [about attacking Iran]?”
Donny: “I have ideas as to what to do, but I haven’t made a final. I like to make the final decision one second before it’s due.”

awesome! America’s Game-Show-Host-in-Chief is going to spin the Wheel of Moron, and no one has any clue where it will land — not even the game show host.

what could possibly go wrong?

it’s Dick Nixon’s ‘madman theory,’ except in this case it’s not a theory — it’s real life.

when Nixon was president, there was this fun thing his foreign policy stooges would do: they’d ring up their commie adversaries and go ‘look, our president is fucking nuts. we’re trying like hell to keep his finger off the button, but we really can’t control him. he’ll nuke you in a hot second and not think twice about it, so maybe you ought to give him what he wants.’

I shit you not.

The madman theory is a political theory commonly associated with the foreign policy of U.S. president Richard Nixon and his administration, who tried to make the leaders of hostile communist bloc countries think Nixon was irrational and volatile so that they would avoid provoking the U.S. in fear of an unpredictable response.

spoiler alert: it didn’t work. Nixon was a paranoid criminal, but he wasn’t insane — and no foreign leader bought his act.

but oh, look: the Madman Theory isn’t a theory any more. now we have an actual madman in the Oval Office, and Iran better watch out, because no one know what the fuck Donny’s going to do. even he claims he doesn’t know — not until he spins the Wheel of Moron and sees where it lands.

check out the very next collection of word-like sounds that seeped out of Donny’s rancid anus-mouth during that presser, because they’re fucking doozies.

“a lotta wars there was no reason for. you look right up there, I don’t know, you see the Declaration of Independence and I say, I wonder if, you know, the Civil War, it seemed to me maybe that could have been solved without losing 600,000-plus people.”

wait, Donny looks at the Declaration of Independence and it makes him think of the Civil War — which he then claims there was no reason for, and that he would have negotiated his way out of it? how does anyone go from ‘we the people think having a king fucking sucks’ to ‘gee, if only Lincoln could have met Jeff Davis halfway?’

fucking hell, Donny still has no idea what’s actually in the Declaration of Independence, does he? all he knows is famous document! America! liberty!

this whole ‘Civil War was unnecessary’ claim is not a new hallucination for Donny. he’s been gibbering about it for years, that if he had been The Great Railsplitter, he would have negotiated his way out of the Civil War — which is basically a big ball of what the fuck are you even talking about?

how would that have happened? seriously, what do you put on the bargaining table when the issue at stake is the right to own people?

‘ok, you Confederates can enslave black people on Monday, Wednesday, Friday and every other Saturday. the rest of the time they’re free. do we have a deal?’

let’s get real. if Donny had been prez in 1862, he would have been the Taco Railsplitter, and the Confederacy would live on to this very day. all Jeff Davis would have had to do was stop answering the phone (ok, telegraph) — and boom, Donny would have folded.

and we’d all be speaking German, too, because Donny Delano Roosetrump would have fucked up World War Two.

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after that fucknuttery, we could really use a palate cleanser. at a Senate hearing yesterday, Tammy Duckworth went ape-shit on Secretary of Defense Kegstand. let’s watch as an actual combat veteran eviscerates an incompetent poser.

“I believe the Secretary of Defense has admitted that the one billion dollar mission that he led against the Houthis, who do not have a navy, has not restored the transitive US flag’s commercial vessels through the Red Sea, and in fact has resulted in the loss of two F-18 Hornets to the tune of 60 million dollars apiece, as well as — I believe the last count was seven Reaper drones to the tune of another two hundred million dollars. you are blowing through money like my fellow cadets and I did in our first liberty after basic camp. luckily, I didn’t end up with a questionable tattoo.”

“your failures, Mr. Secretary, since you’ve taken office, have been staggering. you sent classified operational information over Signal to chest-thump in front of your wife, who by the way has no security clearance, risking service member lives in the process. you blew the one billion dollar fight against the Houthis, who again, has no navy, and yet, you lost all of those aircraft. you’ve created such a hostile command environment that no one wants to serve as your chief of staff, or work with you in other senior DOD leadership roles.”

“but what we should all be talking about, more than all of this, is that you have an unjustified, un-American misuse of the military in American cities, pulling resources and attention away from core missions to the detriment of the country.”

we absolutely fucking thank you for your service, Senator.

but wait — the Democratic Senators weren’t finished using SecDef Kegstand for a chew toy. here’s Michigan’s Elissa Slotkin.

Slotkin: “have you given the order to be able to shoot at unarmed protesters in any way? I’m just asking the question. don’t laugh. the whole country— and by the way, my colleagues across the aisle—”

Kegstand: “what is that based on? what evidence would you have?”

Slotkin: “it is based on Donald Trump giving that order to your predecessor, to a Republican Secretary of Defense, who I give a lot of credit to, because he didn’t accept the order. he had more guts and balls than you, because he said ‘I’m not going to send in any uniformed military to do something that I know in my gut isn’t right.’ he was asked to shoot at their legs. he wrote that in his book. it’s not hearsay. so your poo-pooing of this, it just shows you don’t understand who we are as a country. who we are. and all of my colleagues across the aisle — especially the ones who served — should want an apolitical military, and not want citizens to be scared of their own military. I loved the military. I served my whole life, so I’m worried about you tainting it. have you given the order? have you given the order that they can use lethal force? I want the answer to be ‘no.’ please tell me it’s ‘no.’ have you given the order? ”

Kegstand: “Senator, I’d be careful what you read in books, and believing it. except for the Bible.”

‘except for the Bible.’ what an smug, arrogant asshole.

get back in the dunk-tank, clown.

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now let’s go out with a literal bang. last night, the Space Nazi was running some tests on his latest janky rocket, and …

yup, it blowed up good. it blowed up real good.

have a great Juneteenth, everyone. don’t get blowed up.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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