Mitch glitches, Holy Mike wimps out, and Dear Leader is a fucking moron

or, as we call it, Wednesday

Republicans continue to fail us.

in the House, the Senate, and the Oval Bordello, they ignore the needs of We the People, doing only the bidding of their oligarch overlords — or, in the case of Dear Leader, the bidding of the deafening shrieking noises that eternally ricochet inside his fat, waterlogged head.

just look at what this fucktangle of shitweasels got up to yesterday.

every morning now, a familiar scene unfolds in our nation’s capital. the Esteemed Senator Turtlehump is wheeled from his terrarium, loaded into a waiting transport vehicle, and ferried to the Senate, where he pretty much sits like an inanimate lump all day, until it’s time to go home.

the other day, I joked that it was like elder abuse. well, I’m not joking any more. it is elder abuse. Mitch McConnell is barely cognizant of his surroundings right now, cannot make an independent decision. it’s cruel to drag him out just so that Republicans can have a majority — but that’s exactly what Mitch’s handlers did yesterday, at a meeting of the Senate Agriculture meeting.

let me narrate what’s happening in that clip. as the roll call vote to advance a farm bill takes place, Republican Committee Chairman John Boozman leans over to remind Mitch how to vote. McConnell then sits in silence, unresponsive as his name is called. Republican Senator John Hoeven leans over and says and says to Mitch, ‘no.’

a panicked McConnell aide — the one in a red dress — dives towards the table, because that’s not how Mitch is supposed to vote. his name is called again, and this time he manages to croak out a ‘yes,’ barely loud enough to hear, and the bill passes by one vote, 12-11.

what in the actual fuck did we all just watch?

here’s the view from the other side of the table, as Mitch’s name is called.

oh yeah, Mitch looks really present and in the moment, doesn’t he?

the lights are on, but it’s been over three months since anyone’s been home.

this is just heartless. it’s wrong to pull a Weekend at Mitch’s every day of the week, and prop him up in his wheelchair, as if he were just some ventriloquist’s dummy, to vote the way the last guy who whispered in his ear told him to.

but there’s your Republican party, folks. the don’t give a shit who they humiliate — even if it’s one of their own — as long as they get their way.

as I pointed out the other day, Mitch has earned his place in history as the most evil, obstructionist piece of shit ever to stalk the halls of the Senate. job well done, fuckface. it’s time to put him out to pasture.

---

now let’s walk all the way across the Capitol Building to the House side, because here comes Holy Mike Johnson to teach a master class in why he’s the limpest dick ever to wield the Speaker’s gavel.

yesterday, Holy Mike used that gavel to abruptly adjourn all House activities, and send everyone home until after the midterm elections. that’s right, no work at all will be done for the next six weeks. don’t you wish you had a job that granted you infinite time off?

so, why would Holy Mike do this? here’s New Mexico’s Democratic Rep. Melanie Stansbury to do us all a solid, and lay out how and why that shit went down.

“hey everyone — breaking news here in the House. it was just announced that votes are canceled tomorrow, and they are sending us home even earlier than expected. and there’s really only one explanation for this, and that is that Thomas Massie, the congressman from Kentucky, filed articles of impeachment against Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth — and last night, we took a vote on a war powers resolution, that passed, to end the illegal was in Iran. and we had multiple Republicans join us, because they understand the writing on the wall, that this is an illegal war.

and so there’s really only one explanation for why they would cancel votes tomorrow, and send us him early before the midterms. and that’s because they are afraid that the House of Representatives will vote to impeach Hegseth. and the Speaker, obviously, and obviously the president does not want that. and so instead, they’re just going to send us home.”

let’s be clear: Pete Kegstand has been the worst SecDef in American history. he’s a piss-drunk, classified-war-plan-butt-dialing embarrassment. holding a vote to impeach this chucklefuck would have been the right thing to do.

but doing the right thing is a bridge too far for Speaker Limpdick — so he did the only thing he could. he bravely ran away, away.

and then he made everyone else run away, too.

that’s his signature move. two months ago, when Thomas Massie once again sandbagged him by introducing a discharge petition to release the Dead Pedo Bestie Files, Brave Sir Mikey bravely ran away, away, and gaveled the House into recess.

fucking coward.

and so the most useless Congress in history now goes home for the rest of September and all of October — after accomplishing fuck-all. they couldn’t even manage to rename a post office.

---

hey, here’s a thing I tweeted seven and a half years ago.

ideally, you want the President of the United States, the Mayor of Crazytown and the village idiot to be three different people

every single day of his stupid life, Preznit Fuckwit proves why it’s true.

after two days of being hidden from public view, Donny’s handlers cleaned him up, straightened his tie, and bundled him and Diaper Nurse Natty in Fuckface Force One, bound for an Emotional Support Rally in Gastonia, North Carolina.

tell me, is it a smart move to tell voters, six weeks before an election, to shut up and stop whining about the price of gas?

“I have to say, you have a little higher gas— it’s a very inexpensive price to pay, for what we’ve done. remember that. it’s a little more, it’s— even if it was— frankly, EVEN IF IT WAS A LOT more.”

tell me, was that the President of the United State talking, or was it the village idiot? lucky us, it was both.

yeah, there’s nothing like having an uncaring, out of touch billionaire telling you that unaffordable gasoline is a ‘small price to pay’ — what a great guy. what a humanitarian.

this fuckwit’s one superpower used to be the ability to convince the dumbest dipshits on the planet that he understood their pain, and shared their concerns. that’s how he slithered his way into power, twice.

but he can’t do that any more. he’s too cognitively collapsed. faking empathy is just too hard. plus, he just no longer gives a shit, and is happy to just go Full Sociopath. go fuck yourself, Mister and Mrs MAGA — Dear Leader could care less.

oh wait, the Mayor of Crazytown would like to have a word.

“and if we stopped trading with every country that we have a deficit with — which is most of them, and which would be very easy to do — we would make at least $1.5 trillion a year. we do that because it’s almost like a reflex.”

hey guys — I’m beginning to suspect that the President of the United States just might be a moron.

excuse me, but no — that’s not how this works. that not how any of this works.

look, I didn’t go to any fancy-shmancy college. I went to Parsons School of Design, and I majored in painting. I don’t know shit about economics — but even I know that trade and trade deficits are two different things. and I know that there are goods that we don’t make in our own country, and must import. we can’t just shut that shit off. the economy would crash.

that some failed painter like myself should know more about how trade works than the president of the United States is just crazypants shit right there.

hey, six-fingered plagiarism robot, can you step in here for a hot second to give us some bullet points?

⚠️ Why Stopping Trade Doesn’t Make Money

• Stopping trade does not put cash into the U.S. treasury.

• Halting imports creates immediate shortages of vital everyday goods.

• Grocery stores, hospitals, and factories would run out of supplies.

• Prices would skyrocket due to extreme product shortages.

📉 The Economic Reality

• Shutting down global trade would crash the U.S. economy.

• Global supply chains take decades to build and cannot stop easily.

• Trading partners buy U.S. exports, which supports domestic jobs.

• Ending trade means other countries stop buying American goods too.

Dear Leader hasn’t a fucking clue how economies work. that’s why we’re in this mess. and now, he’s going to pull his signature move, and double down on the stupid.

Donny being an economic moron is all well and good when it’s one of his own casinos he’s running into the ground. who gives a fuck if Donny wants to self-sabotage that? in fact, that shit’s hilarious. how about we just do a TV show where every week he’s given a new casino to bankrupt? every episode would end with an estate auction.

admit it. you’d watch the living fuck out of that show. so would I.

but now it’s an entire country he’s clownfucking straight to shitsville. our country — and we don’t have the luxury of standing around, pointing and laughing.

hey, do you think Congress might want to step in and do something to rein in our Mad King? after all, the House is the branch of government that controls our country’s economic purse-strings. they have the power to tell Donny to go fuck himself all the way to Mars.

all they have to do is act. has anyone seen Holy Mike Johnson? can we get him to maybe work on some legislation to—

oh shit. I forgot. Brave Sir Mikey has bravely run away, away.

lucky us.

---

oh look — it’s time for some Daily Claudia.

today, it’s go all the way back to 1955 for the only photo I have from Ms. Spouse’s early years. she’s about five years old in this pic, and she’s standing next to her baby brother being held by their mom, with some random aunt on the right.

now let’s fast-forward to the 1960s. that’s Ms. Spouse on the right, standing behind her sister and brother. on the left are three random cousins. Claudia’s about 12 or 13 in this photo — I think that’s what she told me — so that would date it from ’62 or ‘63.

have a great Thursday, everyone.

---

here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

---

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.