memo for doughy pantload Couchfuck McGee: fuck off, Nixon did do crimes

get out of here with your gaslighting, bro

United States Vice President Couchfuck McGee is on a book tour right now, which speaks to his utter uselessness as a member of Preznit Fuckwit’s administration.

doesn’t JD Vance, y’know, have a job? apparently, negotiating an end to Donny’s don’t-you-dare-call-it-a-war on Iran is just a casual side-gig for the furniture molester — something he drops in on occasionally, when he’s not busy flying around the country, pushing copies of whatever craptastic abomination he’s written.

you know, I keep hearing about how Vance is supposed to be some kind of intellectual giant of the conservative movement, but I have no freaking clue what that’s supposed to be all about — because the reality is that every time Couchfuck opens his fool mouth, the dumbest shit imaginable comes tumbling out.

“I’m actually fascinated by Nixon as a character of history. I think that his historical legacy is enjoying a bit of a renaissance, but I think deservedly so. I joked with Robert backstage, if Watergate happened tomorrow, it would be like a 12 hours news story. the idea that it would have taken down a presidency is crazy.”

what hallowed name of Gaslighting Jesus is Couchfuck trying to pull here?

I know it’s been half a century since Watergate, and the average American’s attention span rivals that of a gnat, but can we just revisit for a moment what Nixon’s laundry list of high crimes were?

Just to review, Nixon's aides authorized a break-in of the DNC HQ to install bugging equipment--in a caper foiled by a night watchman, who called police.
They then enlisted the CIA to mislead the FBI that the break-in was related to a probe of malign foreign actors.
The entire operation was paid for by a slush fund controlled by the WH.
The WH also enlisted the IRS to probe hundreds of Nixon's political enemies.
The AG, the WH COS and several other top aides all were convicted and served time for their involvement in the crimes and coverup.
Nixon was caught on his own secret tape system conspiring with them but was pardoned a month after he resigned by his successor, Gerald Ford.

that’s a fuckload of criminality, right there. none of what Nixon pulled was trivial, and the entire country was horrified.

that Donny’s doubleplusfuckload of crime makes all of Nixon’s shit seem like a walk in the park is not the flex that Couchfuck McGee thinks it is. it means that something has gone seriously wrong with our country.

Tricky Dick and Brain-Gone Don were kindred spirits. they were both evil shit-goblins who insisted they were above the law.

Nixon’s mistake was presidenting during an era when there was no corrupt and compliant Supreme Court willing to declare him a Very Special Boy Who Gets To Crime All He Wants.

if you had said to Nixon’s Chief Justice, Warren E. Burger, ‘hey Burgs, is the president above the law,’ he would have smacked you upside the head for being a dumb-ass.

another mistake Nixon made was not having Bari Weiss around to fire Walter Cronkite off of CBS Evening News.

but arguably, Nixon’s biggest mistake was not having Holy Mike Johnson, the limpest dick ever to wield the House Speaker’s Gavel, around to say to reporters, ‘huh? Water-what? this is the first I’m hearing about it,’ when asked to comment.

in fact, on August 7, 1974, the Republican leadership of the day — Senator Barry Goldwater, Senate Minority Leader Hugh Scott, and House Minority Leader John Rhodes — each of them big and strong, with tears in their eyes — came up to Nixon and said ‘sir! sir! if you don’t resign pronto, we’re going to impeach your criming ass. sir!’

Nixon stepped down the very next day. he got on that helicopter and fuckity-byed it all the way back to his hidey-hole in San Clemente, California.

can you imagine any of that shit happening now? of course not. Donny’s been impeached twice already — and both times, it was the Republican leadership that let him off the hook by failing to vote to convict.

Donny is the kind of twenty-four-seven perpetual motion felony factory that Nixon could only dream about being. every day, he comes up with five new ways of shitting all over the Constitution and using the powers of his office to enrich himself.

can you imagine the current GOP leadership telling Dear Leader to cut it out, or else? can you imagine Fishin’ Trip Sammy Alito or Money Grubbin’ Clarence Thomas telling Donny to obey the law? can you imagine a single worthless scribbler of the corporate-controlled press calling for Donny to resign?

no, you can’t — because they’ve all normalized that shit. it’s just Donny being Donny. nothing to see here, move along.

it’s maddening.

and JD Vance can piss straight up a rope, for trying to convince us that corruption is normal, and no big deal — and that it’s useless to get all hot under the collar about it.

sorry, JD — we’re not falling for any of that bullshit. go fuck a couch.

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meanwhile, Donny’s normalized whining about his botched Epstein Reflecting Pool. he just cannot bring himself to shut the fuck up about it.

“we caught some people vandalizing our beautiful— Reflecting Pool, we have the Reflecting Pool, they took a— uh cutter, a uh box cutter— or something very sharp, and— can you imagine? what a— where do these people come up with this, and— uh, they threw a little fertilizer in the water.”

as is usual for whenever Preznit Fuckwit is just making shit up, his fever-swamp hallucination grows ever-more specific with each retelling. now it’s fertilizer that the Aqua Antifa Terror Force is throwing into the pool. by tomorrow, Donny will be telling us which brand it was — despite there being no evidence of any of this, even though the Pool has multiple live cameras pointed at it every second of every day.

CBS News — of all institutions — committed an actual journalism, and sent reporters to walk the entire perimeter of the Pool, in search of any evidence of knife slashes.

spoiler alert: they didn’t find shit.

CBS News correspondent Ed O’Keefe reported after inspecting the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool that there was “no sign” of the 350-foot gash President Trump has alleged. Other reporters on site also failed to find damage, despite heightened security and Trump’s assertion that evidence would be presented in court.

reporters found no gash because there is no gash. it’s that simple. it’s called journalism.

somewhere, the ghost of Walter Cronkite is smiling.

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and now for your Hero of the Day — journalist Katie Phang.

back on April 27, she filed suit against Donny’s personal ambulance chaser Todd Blanche over the DOJ’s failure to fully release the Epstein Files, in compliance with the Transparency Act.

yesterday, the Judge in the case entered an injunction in her favor, essentially saying ‘fork that shit over, Todd. no excuses.’

here are a couple-three bullet points as to just what shit Todd has to fork over, as laid out by the essential Joyce Vance —

• Unredacting the names of senders and recipients in at least eight email exchanges that involve Jeffrey Epstein regarding a “torture video” and sexual activity with young women, including minors.

• Unredacting the names of possible co-defendants identified in a draft indictment, the names of individuals identified as possible co-conspirators, and the names of the individuals who were the sender and the recipients of an internal DOJ email briefing on the prosecution.

• Turning over notes from FBI interviews with a victim who alleged that in the 1980s, when she was about 13 years old, Epstein introduced her to Donald Trump, who assaulted her.

that’s pretty huge.

thank you, Katie Phang. we need more dedicated journalists like her, willing to put in the hard work, and fewer worthless scribblers normalizing Donny’s fuckery.

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hey, everyone — we made it through the week in one piece. let’s reward ourselves with some Daily Claudia.

here’s Ms Spouse in an undated pic from the 1980s.

and here we are, at the outdoors bar of the Poughkeepsie restaurant Shadows on the Hudson, on May 13, 2024.

have a great Friday, everyone. don’t fuck any furniture. that shit’s weird.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.