meet the woman whose job is to keep Dear Leader stupid and happy

also: tariffs, how do they work?

Nov 26, 2024

Natalie Harp is back in the news. she’s Donny Convict’s happy-news wireless-printer lady. she keeps Donny safely inside his little bubble of ignorance — and she’s a total fucking weirdo whose unhealthy adoration of Dear Leader is way over the top.

cast your mind back to those far-less-complicated days of this past summer, when Donny Not-Yet-A-Convict was in the news for being a narcoleptic courtroom fart-factory.

within that circus was a sideshow. reporters noticed a woman — carrying a portable printer — who was following Donny around.

This week, as the Stormy Daniels hush money trial kicked off, New York Times reporter Maggie Haberman noted the presence of a figure in court whose job responsibility sounded like a joke, writing that her job was to carry around a “wireless printer” to provide the former president with an “ongoing stream of good news from the internet.”
But it turns out that the aide is very real. Her name is Natalie Harp, a former One America News anchor who joined Trump’s communications team in March 2022. According to reporting that year by the Washington Post, Harp would even accompany the former reality TV host on golf trips in a cart “equipped with a laptop and sometimes a printer to show him uplifting news articles, online posts, or other materials.”

so that’s a perfectly normal thing, right? seriously, how fucking broken-inside do you have to be to require that kind of constant positive affirmation?

well, Natalie’s now part of Dear Leader’s inner circle, and is headed to the White House — and she’s filling Donny’s rapidly-dementing ear with so much conspiratorial nonsense that even his Confederacy of Sewer Clowns is concerned about the unfettered access she has.

But Ms. Harp also established herself at the center of a fast-moving carousel of text messages, articles and tidbits directed at Mr. Trump. This has generated concern among other aides who feel she has been far too willing to serve as a funnel for conspiratorial information at a moment when Mr. Trump appears more contemptuous than ever of attempts to manage or control him. One of her go-to news sources, people who have observed her say, is the website Gateway Pundit, which frequently disseminates conspiracy theories embraced by the far right.

now, make sure your barf-bag is within arm’s reach, because —

Mr. Trump has dismissed concerns about Ms. Harp, whom he calls “sweetie” and treats like a daughter, according to people close to him.

ew. does ‘treats like a daughter’ mean that Donny wants to quote-unquote ‘date’ her — if that’s what we’re charitably calling it — and is constantly trying to grope her?

honestly, Natalie sounds like a creepy fucking stalker.

In 2023, Ms. Harp sent a series of letters to Mr. Trump that unnerved people around him, according to a half-dozen people with knowledge of them.
“You are all that matters to me,” she wrote in one of the letters, which were seen by The New York Times. The letters’ authenticity was confirmed by two people with direct knowledge of them.
“I don’t ever want to let you down,” Ms. Harp wrote, thanking Mr. Trump for being her “Guardian and Protector in this Life.”
In another letter, she told Mr. Trump that she wanted to get back to “that synergy” she used to have with him, where “we’d talk about everything and nothing.”
“I want to bring you joy,” she wrote, “to feel like we can get through a day without ever having to talk ‘work.’”

move over, Kim Jong-un, you’re not the only person writing gooey love letters to Donny.

here’s another fun thing about Natalie: she claims Dear Leader cured her cancer.

so there’s your Trump Administration, folks. traitors writing foreign policy, racists writing immigration policy, thieves writing economic policy, polluters writing environmental policy, ignoramuses writing science policy, illiterates writing education policy and criminals writing justice policy — and now we can add to the mix some head-over-heels cultist who has made it her life’s work to fill Dear Leader’s heart with joy.

what could go wrong?

hey, remember Donny’s first chaotic presidency, where he’d announce policies via twitter — often to the surprise of his own staff, who would then have to hastily rewrite position papers, and pretend they knew all along what was going on?

well, Little Donny Tweet-Monkey is back.

that’s right, the Day One Dipshit has worked himself into a Big Mad over the completely imaginary problem of drug mules streaming across our ‘open’ Mexican and Canadian (?) borders — and he’s going to put a stop to that shit by slapping 25% tariff on all Mexican and Canadian goods.

wonderful. Mexico provides us with vegetables, car parts and medical instruments, and Canada supplies much of our lumber and oil. expect prices to rise immediately after this Day One fuckery — because despite what your drunk MAGA uncle is going to tell you in two days at Thanksgiving, tariffs are a tax paid by importers and passed on to you, the consumer.

but let’s leave the aside for now, and instead focus on the bullshit way that Team Donny is going to try to deny the basic reality of prices going through the roof.

here’s an actual thing that Scott Bessent, Donny’s pick to lead the Treasury department, said recently about tariffs.

“tariffs can’t be inflationary because if the price of one thing goes up, unless you give people more money, then they have less money to spend on the other thing, so there is no inflation.”

got that? “prices going up” and “inflation” are two different things — which is incoherent fucking gibberish, because prices going up is literally what inflation is.

but get ready, when avocados become unaffordable, for your drunk MAGA uncle to loudly proclaim that “IT’S NOT INFLATION” — because these brainwashed nitwits have zero critical thinking skills, and believe everything Dear Leader tells them.

what can I say about Jack Smith dropping his cases against Donny Convict that hasn’t already been said by legal minds sharper than mine?

it fucking sucks, but what was Jack Smith supposed to do? the deck was stacked against him — by so many different players.

— by the six corrupt Federalist hacks on the Supreme Court, who invented a whole new concept of ‘presidential immunity’ where none had ever existed before.

— by Judge Aileen Fangirl down in Florida, who was in the tank for Donny from the get-go, and was never going to allow a fair trial to happen.

— and by Merrick Fucking Garland, who sat on his ass for two whole years before the January 6th Committee embarrassed him into finally appointing a special counsel — after it was far too late for the process to play to any conclusion.

so now, Donny really is A Very Special Boy Who Gets to Crime All He Wants — and the rest of us can piss straight up a rope if we don’t like it.

it calls to mind a thing my father said to me twenty-four years ago, right after the Supreme Court stopped the Florida recount and plucked the presidency out of Al Gore’s hands —

“we have a lot of laws in this country, but very little justice.”

oh look, The New York Times is playing another round of Ask Stupid Questions.

no, they fucking can’t — and they’re not even going to try. why is the Times once again insulting our intelligence by asking? plutocrats don’t give one lumpy shit about what the working class in America has to go through.

was the Times asleep this weekend when Donny’s point man at the Treasury, Scott Bessent, made the ludicrous claim that prices going up and inflation were two different things?

that’s the kind of bullshit that’s going to be shoveled at us for the next god-knows however long, and it’s fucking maddening that the press is way too happy to be playing along.

here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.