lying shitweasel get pantsed by French president

how sweet it is

the most infuriating thing about Donny Convict’s compulsive habit of lying about every fucking thing is that he gets away with it.

Donny could hold a press conference to announce that the moon is made of beef, and all the reporters in the room would nod their heads dutifully, and write it down. maybe — just maybe — The New York Times, if they’re feeling cheeky, might go with ‘Donny misleads on taste of moon,’ but that would be the end of it.

that’s why it was super fucking satisfying to watch French President Emmanuel Macron call out Donny on his bullshit, on live TV.

but wait — before we get to the main event, first we have to endure the obligatory Battle of the Alpha Dog Handshakers.

what’s that, you ask? this: if you go to shake Donny’s hand, he’s going grab yours and roughly jerk it towards him, in an attempt to get you to stumble and fall. it’s a childish I’m the dominant bro thing. Donny got away with that shit during his first term, but now everyone knows it’s coming, and prepares for it — and no one more so than Macron. so now, every time they meet, Macron grabs Donny’s hand and does not let go. in essence, Macron is going yeah, fuck off with this nonsense, you frail old man. I could drop you like a sack of potatoes — except he’s saying it with a cool French accent.

va te faire foutre avec ces bêtises, vieux frêle. je pourrais te laisser tomber comme un sac de patates.

these two did the same dance last December, when Donny visited France.

hey, you know who’s the only person Donny doesn’t pull that shit with? Vlad Putin. I wonder why.

anyway, Donny’s invented a brand-new fever swamp fantasy: that other countries’ aid to Ukraine is in the form of a loan that will be paid back.

as with every Trumpian fairy tale, it’s patently untrue, easily debunked, and based on zero evidence — but it’s emblematic of the way Donny’s paranoid mind works. he can’t picture a world where parties enter into an honest agreement. he’s always trying to cheat everyone, so he always imagines that he’s always being cheated. a classic projection.

‘everyone’s giving money to Ukraine, but I’m the only one not getting it back. so unfair! so unfair!’

that’s why Donny’s had such a huge a bug up his ass lately about extracting Ukraine’s resources for his own benefit. he truly believes he’s personally owed that money.

keep that in your mind, as we listen to Macron explain how the return of Russian financial assets currently frozen in Europe is a thing to be negotiated at the end of the war.

Macron: “you keep the assets. you take the proceeds during the wartime. but you keep the assets, and it’s part of the negotiations, at the end of the war. because this war cost all of us a lot of money. and this is the responsibility of Russia, because the aggressor is Russia. so at the end of the day, these frozen assets should be part of the negotiations.”

reporter: “will France support the the US being compensated?”

Macron: “I support the idea to have Ukraine first being compensated, because they are the ones who have lost a lot of their fellow citizens, and have been destroyed by these attacks.”

now let’s all watch Donny get humiliated.

Donny: “you don’t understand. Europe is loaning the money to Ukraine. they get their money back.”

be quiet, Donny — the grownups are talking.

Macron actually grabs Donny by the arm to get him to stop lying, and replies, “no, in fact, to be frank, we pay sixty percent of the total force.”

Macron then goes on to explain that Donny is confusing two separate issues — war aid to Ukraine, and the ultimate ownership of frozen Russian assets currently held by Europe. but all of that goes right over Donny’s head, because he’s an obstinate fucking simpleton who knows what he knows, and he’s not going to let inconvenient things like facts change his mind.

Donny dismisses everything Macron said with “if you believe that, it’s okay with me. they get their money back and we don’t.”

what a condescending prick. and did you notice how Donny dismissively waved his hand while Macron was speaking? fuck you, Donny.

but how awesome is it to watch Donny get fact-checked in real-time? the only thing that would have made the moment sweeter is if Macron had told Donny that his mother was a hamster and his father smelt of elderberries.

now go away, Donny, before Macron taunts you a second time.

fun fact: Donny’s mother was indeed a hamster.

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here’s a weird-as-fuck thing that happened yesterday.

An AI-generated video depicting Donald Trump absolutely smothering Elon Musk’s weird feet with his whole mouth with a text overlay that read “Long Live The Real King” ran on a loop on TVs throughout the agency’s headquarters this morning, according to multiple reports and eye-witnesses.

that they gave the Space Nazi two left feet is icing on the cake.

no one has any idea who’s responsible for this splendid bit of well-aimed ridicule — but I hope they put it in their “here are five things I did this week” email that everyone in government had to send to Elon.

here’s the best part:

Building staff couldn’t figure out how to turn it off so they sent people to every floor to unplug TVs.

bravo, hackers — whoever the fuck you are. a grateful nation tips their hats to you. more like this, please.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.