liars, scoundrels, and fuckwits: your Sunday Republican roundup

with a very special appearance by Dear Leader

the lapdog press continues to fail us, stacking the Sunday shows with the Usual Gang Of Republican Shitwits who shamelessly stare directly into the camera, misstate facts, and lie right into our faces — all while the show hosts nod their heads and fail to ask the most basic followup questions.

let’s review some of this weekend’s atrocities.

the Bury Their Heads In The Sand wing of the GOP was out in full force. these reality-deniers don’t want to hear anything about Piss-Drunk Pete Kegstand’s insistence that he’s A Very Special Angel Of Death Who Gets To Bomb Anyone He Wants.

exhibit A: Nebraska Rep. Don Bacon. don’t try to tell Don that Piss-Drunk Pete would do ahem alleged war crimes. why, the very idea is inconceivable!

“I don’t think Secretary Hegseth would be foolish enough to make this decision to say, ‘kill everybody. kill the survivors,’ because that’s a clear violation of the law of war.”

I’m sorry, but HAS DON BACON NOT BEEN PAYING ATTENTION? Pete wrote an entire fucking book about how rules are bullshit and America has the divine right to ignore the laws of war. what part of Pete Is A Very Special Angel of Death does Don Bacon not understand?

the whole gist of Pete’s book is that—

Aren’t we just better off winning our wars according to our own rules?! Who cares what other countries think.

Bacon’s insistence that Piss-Drunk Pete has some kind of conscience that would prevent him from committing ahem alleged war crimes is farcical.

Pete sure seems to think that bombing the shit out of fishing boats is hilarious. he’s over on Elon’s Nazi Bar, making infantile jokes.

what kind of ghoul finds this funny?

given all this, why is Rep. Bacon pretending that Pete gives a fuck about what the law says? ‘Piss-Drunk Pete would never do that. it’s inconceivable!’

it must be stated that Piss-Drunk Pete is not A Very Special Angel of Death. he’s a very naughty boy.

and we have proof — because check this out, from the Department of Defense’s own Law of War Manual.

section 18.3.2.1 of the manual clearly states that members of the military are REQUIRED to refuse to obey ‘illegal orders’ — and you’ll never guess what they chose to use as an example of an illegal order.

18.3.2.1 Clearly Illegal Orders to Commit Law of War Violations.

The requirement to refuse to comply with orders to commit law of war violations applies to orders to perform conduct that is clearly illegal or orders that the subordinate knows, in fact, are illegal. For example, orders to fire upon the shipwrecked would be clearly illegal.

pro tip: if you’re going to do ahem alleged war crimes, try not to make it the very one your own law manual spells out as being illegal.

Piss-Drunk Pete, by the way, denies having given the order to fire on the survivors. oh yeah? then prove it. I’m with Chuck Schumer on this.

“Then release the full, unedited tapes of the strikes so the American people can see for themselves. Your recklessness demands full transparency and strict congressional oversight. We will hold you accountable.”

how about not just releasing the tapes that would prove Pete’s innocence. how about giving us one iota of evidence of actual drug smuggling going on in the waters around Venezuela. because as far as we know, these are fishing boats that are being bombed.

until we see proof of trafficking, can Republicans please, at long last, stop giving Donny a free pass to do whatever the fuck he wants in South America?

silly me for asking, because apparently, the answer is no.

Missouri Rep. Eric Schmitt on Donny’s boat strikes: “President Trump is well within his Article II powers … President Trump has the ability to do it, and he should do it.”

you fucking ghoul.

I’m sorry, but the Article II powers of a president do not include the right to unilaterally declare a war on fishing boats and start dropping bombs on them.

Eric Schmitt is a disgrace to the Constitution he took an oath to uphold.

remember this old tweet?

Trump is a genius but you can’t see his grades.
Trump is healthy but you can’t see his medical reports.
Trump is honest but you can’t see his tax returns.
Trump is innocent but you can’t see the Epstein Files.

now you can add “those boats were carrying drugs, but you can’t see the evidence.”

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holy moley! it looks like some producer fouled up and accidentally booked a Democrat onto Meet the Press — and look who it is. none other than Minnesota Governor Tim Walz.

Uncle Tim wants Donny to release the results of his MRI.

“here we got a guy on Thanksgiving where we spent time with our families, we ate, we played Yahtzee, we cheered for football. this guy is apparently in a room ranting about everything else. this is not normal behavior. it is not healthy ... has anyone in the history of the world ever had an MRI assigned to them, and had no idea what it was for?”

Uncle Tim makes a great point: Donny is not normal. something is seriously wrong with him. it’s not normal for a president to spend Thanksgiving in seclusion in a room of a golf motel, up in the wee hours, ranting and raving into his crappy app.

Donny had an MRI. the public has a right to know what, if anything, the doctors found. he owes us a full report on his health, just as every modern president has done.

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reporters caught up with President Drool Bucket aboard Fuckface Force One as he flew back to Washington last night, and they asked for a comment on Walz’s request.

Donny: “when they asked about my MRI— MRIs are very—”

reporter: “Governor Walz called for the release of your MRI records.”

Donny: “Governor Walz? you mean the incompetent Governor Walz? so, if they want to release it, it’s okay with me to release it. it was perfect.”

reporter: “what was the—”

Donny: “it was like my phone call, where I got impeached. it’s absolutely perfect. so, if you want to hear about it, or if you want to release it, if you want to have it released. you want to have it released? News Nation, failing failing News Nation.”

reporter: “News Nation is not failing.”

Donny: “News Nation is doing lousy by the way. but if you want to have it released, I’ll release it.”

reporter: “can you tell us what they were looking at?”

Donny: “for what, releasing?”

reporter: “no, what part of your body was the MRI looking at?”

Donny: “I have no idea. it was just an MRI. what part of the body? it wasn’t the brain, because I took a cognitive test, and I aced it. I got a perfect score. a perfect mark, which you would be incapable of doing. goodbye, everybody.”

holy shit. the family of raccoons living inside Donny’s head have finally chewed through all the wires. it is inconceivable that someone would be told they need an MRI, and not ask ‘why? what for?’

oh wait — there’s that word again.

and if you think President Bullshitter is actually going to release the results of his MRI, I have six bankrupt casinos in Atlantic City to sell you.

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before we get to this next segment, let’s congratulate Markwayne Mullin for being named the Official State Moron of Oklahoma™.

it must be quite an honor, sir.

Markwayne was on Dana Bash’s show, and she had a very good question for him: isn’t it hypocritical of Donny to pardon convicted drug trafficker Juan Orlando Hernandez at the same time Piss-Drunk Pete is war-criming in the waters off Venezuela, in the name of some mythical war on drugs?

let’s watch Markwayne completely fumble his answer.

“what the president is doing is always calculated. I haven’t had a direct conversation with the president about it, but I do trust his natural reaction and his approach to foreign affairs.”

the stupid. it fucking burns.

there is no reason whatsoever to ‘trust’ Donny’s ‘natural reaction’ to anything. he’s an impulsive imbecile who acts first and thinks never — and that’s on his good days.

those reporters on Fuckface Force One asked Donny the same question Bash asked Mullin — why would you pardon a drug trafficker? — and if your own grandfather gave the answer that President Pudding Cup gives here, you’d confiscate his car keys.

reporter: “you have made it so clear how you want to keep drugs out of the US. can you explain why you would pardon a notorious drug trafficker?”

Donny: “I don’t know who you are talking about.”

reporter: “Juan Orlando Hernandez.”

Donny: “well I was told— I was asked by Honduras, many of the people of Honduras, they said it was a Biden setup. I don’t mean Biden. Biden didn’t even know he was alive. but it was the people that surround the Resolute Desk, surround Biden when he was there, which was about— very little time. and, uh, the people of Honduras really thought he was set up, a terrible thing. he was the president of the country. and they basically said he was a drug dealer, because he was the president of the country. and they said it was a Biden administration setup. and I looked at the facts and agreed with them.”

reporter: “what evidence can you share that he was set up?”

Donny: “well, you can take a look. you can say that, you can take any country you want, if somebody sells drugs in that country, that doesn’t mean you arrest the president and put him in jail for the rest of his life.”

I guess we need to congratulate Dear Leader for managing to have an entire minute-and-a-half-long exchange with a woman reporter without calling her ‘stupid’ or ‘piggy’ — but oh my god, he’s so fucking incoherent. and once again, he has no idea who he’s pardoning. he can barely remember the bullshit story he was fed by whichever crony wanted Hernandez pardoned. all he knows is it was so unfair!

and I don’t know about you, but I’m liking the idea of arresting a certain president and putting him in jail for the rest of his life.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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