let’s investigate the shit out of James Comer, because he sure seems corrupt as fuck

Jimmy's up to his eyeballs in some sketchy stuff

Jeff Tiedrich

Dec 15, 2023

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what’s James Comer hiding?

it’s a legit question because Flim Flam Jim sure seems to have his stubby fingers in a lot of shady pies.

Jimmy hates it when other people use shell companies. to him, it’s a sign that something sketchy is definitely going on.

just watch him in action, on Fox News or in the halls of Congress, rattling off high-pitched motormouth accusations in the hyperventilating drawl of someone who just fell off the turnip truck and can’t wait to tell you about the tornado that come a-rippin’ cross the back forty.

“The Biden family set up over 20 shell companies and made a concerted effort to hide payments from foreign adversaries. What exactly do these companies do? What good or service do these companies provide? The answer is nothing. They are not legitimate companies.”

well ok, homeslice, then how about you tell us all about your shell companies?

what the fuck are you hiding, bro?

But a series of interviews and records searches conducted by the AP showed that the Kentucky Republican did something remarkably similar, transferring a six-acre parcel of land co-owned with one of his major campaign donors, Darren Cleary, to a shell company he created in 2017 with his wife.
The property has grown in value since its original purchase, jumping from a valuation of between $50,000 and $100,000 at the time of purchase to $500,001 and $1 million, according to Comer’s financial statements obtained by the outlet. That flies in the face of not only Comer’s self-purported, squeaky-clean reputation but also House rules, which require members of Congress to disclose all assets held by companies worth more than $1,000.

oh James, hiding your assets from Congress? you sure do sound up to your beady little eyeballs in some nefarious shit here.

“This is actually a real problem that anti-corruption activists would love to get legislative reform on,” Kathleen Clark, a law professor at Washington University in St. Louis, told the AP. “It is hard to trace assets held in shell companies. His is a good example.”

so let’s play this the way Turnip Truck Jimmy does. let’s investigate the fuck out of his finances. you won’t mind if we tear your life apart, would you?

what’s this check? what’s it for? oh, right, yeah, sure it is.

how about some hearings — any IRS whistleblowers out there care to stand up? does that sound hunky dory to you, Jimmy?

hey, we’re only showing you the same deference you’ve shown the Biden family.

once again, every Republican accusation turns out in the end to be a confession.

meanwhile, the defamation suit against Rudy Colludy has gone to the jury. a verdict could be handed down at any moment.

yesterday was supposed to be Rudy’s day to take the witness stand and defend ruining the lives of Ruby Freeman and Shaye Moss. spoiler alert: he wimped right the fuck out.

Joe Sibley, Rudy’s lawyer, explained his absence thusly:

“these women have been through enough.”

Sibley is using a very subtle legal strategy here. it’s known as “your honor, my client sucks all ass. I just fucking give up.”

oh, and here’s another thing Rudy’s lawyer said:

Rudolph W. Giuliani’s lawyer told jurors on Monday that the tens of millions of dollars in damages two Georgia election workers are seeking from him in a defamation suit “will be the end of Mr. Giuliani,” likening an award of that scale to a civil death penalty.

don’t threaten me with a good time, Rudy’s lawyer.

the Cheese and the Kraken are very very very sorry.

the Atlanta Journal-Constitution got their hands on the apology letters written by Syndey Powell and Kenneth Chesebro as part of their plea deals in the Big Georgia Election Fuckery Trial, and holy fucking shit, they’re a sight to behold.

handwritten notes on a legal pad? who knew that was even a thing.

these apologies were written with all the sincerity of two teenagers forced to apologize for leaving a flaming bag of dog shit on their neighbor’s porch.

who knew that you could get away with half-assing that shit as part of a get-out-of-jail-free card after trying to subvert an election.

at least try to spell “Georgia” correctly, Cheese.

lastly, Jill Biden not-tweeted this awesome video.