let’s check in on Donald Trump’s deepening legal hell

please, Donald, keep running your moronic mouth

we live in a shitty world full of shitty people doing shitty things, and lately, things have been even shittier than usual.

let’s try to forget about that for a bit and start the week with something we can all laugh at: Little Donny Fuckface’s ever-worsening legal situation.

today, in a courthouse in Washington DC, Judge Tanya Chutkan is expected to wedge her shoe just a little bit farther up Donald Trump’s ass.

Can Donald Trump be gagged?

That’s the question at the heart of a federal hearing Monday, when U.S. District Court Judge Tanya Chutkan will consider whether to order the former president to stop attacking potential witnesses, prosecutors and court officials involved in his federal case over election fraud.

Judge Chutkan is holding a hearing today because The Man Who Convicts War Criminals in The Hague is more than fed up with Donny’s inability to keep his reckless mouth closed, and he’s asked the judge to please serve Trump a big steaming mug of Shut The Fuck Up.

Jack Smith will be at the hearing, armed with evidence and sound legal reasoning. in his own words,

“The defendant knows that when he publicly attacks individuals and institutions, he inspires others to perpetrate threats and harassment against his targets.”

Trump’s ace team of parking garage lawyers will be there too, waving their arms and pounding the table, insisting that Donald has a FiRsT AmEnDmEnT rIgHt to threaten witnesses and harass prosecutors and judges.

spoiler alert: he doesn’t.

meanwhile, Trump spent another sleepless night logged onto his failing app, doing what he does best.

oh, he has? let’s have a look.

oh, absolutely splendid, Donny. “crooked and deranged.” “political hacks and thugs.” we love it. excellent work.

please, Judge Chutkan, let’s have a real gag order this time. one with actual consequences. and please, Donald, keep running your moronic mouth.

we can’t wait to see what happens next.

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also this week, the Donald Trump Show returns to Judge Engoron’s courtroom.

after a week-long absence from his civil fraud trial, Donny has decided that any attention is better than none at all, and so he’s leaving his fleabag Florida golf motel and coming back to New York.

get ready for Donny to be once again sighing and pouting and glowering and fidgeting as he sits between smiling-because-he-got-paid-in-advance lawyer Chris Kise and frowning-because-she’s-a-fuckup-and-she-knows-it lawyer Alina Habba.

and get ready for Trump to once again explode with rage during the breaks, finding a camera to scream at, airing the full range of all his stupid fucking gripes and grievances.

this is so unfair. my crimes aren’t crimes. everybody crimes. nobody has ever been treated this badly. the attorney general is racist. the judge sucks. he hates me. my properties are worth a milliontyskillon dollars. everyone knows it. this is a witch hunt.

remember, Trump is under a partial gag order for this trial, too.

you know it’s not a question of if Trump will violate any of his gag orders — it’s a question of when.

keep your fingers crossed.

folks, a word on a different subject before I let you go: we’re doing some quarterly fundraising at my other venture, The Smirking Chimp. I’m leery of even mentioning it because if you’re one of the people paying to support my own writing here, you’re already doing god’s work and you’re already doing more than enough to help out. but if you’ve got five dollars that you absolutely wouldn’t miss and you do feel like supporting the Chimp, well, that just makes you twice the hero. the donation link is here, or you can go straight to paypal if you need no further convincing. and if you don’t care to donate, that’s totally cool, too, and we will not speak of this again. in fact, we never had this conversation. thanks for listening and that’s it from me for now.