Judge Engoron explodes again, and a fuckload of other Friday news

Sporky freaks out and Ivanka stamps her foot

Little Donny Fuckface’s ace team of parking garage lawyers just can’t seem to stop doing what they do best: exasperating the living shit out of Judge Engoron.

yesterday it was smirky frat lawyer Chris Kise’s turn to play asshole.

New York Supreme Court Justice Arthur Engoron threatened Donald Trump’s attorneys with the same gag order he imposed on the ex-president in a heated exchange over what the judge suggested were attacks on his law clerk. Donald Trump has repeatedly attacked Judge Engoron’s law clerk, which led to the gag order and two fines totaling $15,000.

Kise, it seems, was bothered by the fact that law clerk Allison Greenfield keeps passing notes to the judge — which, spoiler alert — is part of her job.

At that point, Engoron hit the table in front of him, saying he had an “absolute unfettered right to get advice” from his principal law clerk.

what game is Chris Kise playing? how is bugging the shit out of Engoron on a daily basis any kind of winning strategy?

maybe the lawyers know that Trump is fucked and there’s no hope of a favorable outcome. at this point they’re just interested in creating spectacle, and some bullshit they can hang an appeal on after they lose.

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speaking of melting way the fuck down, Marjorie Three Brain Cells Greene had a perfectly normal one yesterday.

it seems that Congresswoman Sporkfoot is still nursing a grudge over being kicked out of the Freedom Caucus a while back.

what set Three Toes off yesterday was that nobody wanted to support her resolution to censure Rashida Tlaib for “leading an insurrection.”

Rep. Tlaib is an insurrectionist, apparently, because words no longer have meanings.

so Marge logged onto not-twitter and threw a technicolor shit fit.

can we just admit that calling Chip Roy “Colonel Sanders” and referencing “vaping groping” Lauren Boebert is master-level trolling. excellent work, Sporky. no notes. you’ve found your true calling.

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failed handbag plagiarizer and freelance foreign policy expert Ivanka Trump really really really does not want to testify at her father’s trial.

previously, Ivanka had petitioned the judge to excuse her, explaining that she shouldn’t have to testify “because my daddy is rich and he says I’m the prettiest.”

spoiler alert: it didn’t work.

Vanky was back yesterday with a brand-new excuse: “undue hardship.”

“my three — or is it four? — no, it’s definitely three — small children will grow up without ever knowing a mother’s love if I have to leave them for one day to testify and please don’t ask me what their names are, it’s the governess’s job to know that.”

Judge Engoron rolled his eyes and told her to fuck straight off with that bullshit and get her entitled ass to New York on Tuesday.

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meanwhile, area crime lord Donald Trump is doing that thing where he plays judges against each other.

for starters, Trump is trying to delay his Big Election Fuckery Trial in DC until how about never, is never good for you?

Trump is appealing Judge Chutkan’s gag order, and he wants to delay the start of that trial until he can appeal the gag order all the way to the Supreme Court, if necessary — as always, the ultimate goal here is to delay everything until Trump can be King of America and order an end to his prosecutions.

at the same time, Trump went to Judge Cannon down in Florida and said I have to be at my Big Election Fuckery Trial in March and it’s going to take forever, so can we put off the Stolen Documents Fuckery Trial until it’s over?

so basically Trump is saying let’s move the DC trial until never, and then we can have the Florida trial the week after never — and hoping that no one notices.

Judge Chutkan is wise to Donny’s tricks and surely won’t take the bait, but it’s anyone’s guess as to what Number One Trump Fangirl Cannon will do, once she’s finished writing “Mrs. Aileen Trump” over and over on the cover of her notebook.