Joe Biden is still president — and still getting shit done

freed Americans are back on US soil after landmark prisoner exchange

two weeks of Kamalamentum has been a fuckload of fun. it’s been exhilarating to have gotten caught up in the excitement — the rousing rallies, the wildly successful fundraising calls, and the kick-ass catchphrases — “say it to my face” — and memes.

at the same time, it’s also been awesome to watch Donny Convict finally fall flat on his big dumb racist face. he can’t do one thing right, and the wheels are coming off his campaign.

all of which makes it easy to forget that Joe Biden is still the president — and lately, he’s been presidenting the shit out of America.

this is huge.

WASHINGTON (AP) — The United States and Russia completed their biggest prisoner swap in post-Soviet history on Thursday, with Moscow releasing journalist Evan Gershkovich and fellow American Paul Whelan, along with dissidents including Vladimir Kara-Murza, in a multinational deal that set two dozen people free.

Gershkovich, Whelan and Alsu Kurmasheva, a journalist with dual U.S.-Russia citizenship, arrived on American soil shortly before midnight for a joyful reunion with their families. President Joe Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris also were at Joint Base Andrews in Maryland to greet them and dispense hugs all around.

this was a masterful bit of diplomacy on Joe’s part. seven countries were involved in the negotiations.

Negotiators in backchannel talks at one point explored an exchange involving Russian opposition leader Alexei Navalny, but after his death in February ultimately stitched together a 24-person deal that required significant concessions from European allies, including the release of a Russian assassin, and secured freedom for a cluster of journalists, suspected spies, political prisoners and others.

Joe Biden had been working on this deal for months — but when did he finalize it? two weeks ago, while he was laid up with Covid, and while he was also whipping Democratic support for Kamala so that he could withdraw from the election without chaos — and while the entire media ecosystem was screaming that Joe Biden is icky and old and senile and probably even dead, so why doesn’t he just lie the fuck down and stop breathing already?

On the morning of Sunday, July 21, Mr. Biden, sick with Covid, placed a call from his vacation home in Delaware to Slovenia’s prime minister to nail down one of the last pieces of the prisoner agreement. Less than two hours later, he announced he was withdrawing from the presidential race.

I think Joe just passed another cognitive test with flying colors, don’t you?

and let’s give Kamala Harris the credit she’s due, too.

Vice President Kamala Harris played a role in negotiations with allies to secure the prisoner-swap deal. Harris met with both German Chancellor Olaf Scholz and Slovenian Prime Minister Robert Golob separately in intimate settings during the Munich Security Conference in February to urge both leaders to push the deal through, according to a White House official.

it would be nice if Republicans would now and forever shut the fuck up about how “unqualified” this “DEI hire” is — but they won’t, because racists gonna racist.

here’s how Joe began his press event with the families of the freed prisoners yesterday.

“good afternoon — and this is a very good afternoon. today, we’re bringing home Paul, Evan, Alsu, Vladimir. three Americans and one American green card holder.”

so, this is a major success that all Americans can feel good about, right?

no, not right. we live in the stupidest fucking timeline, so naturally every wingnut immediately started bellyaching.

Nancy Mace, the Scarlet Moron, can fuck straight off.

Republican vice presidential nominee Couchfuck McGillicuddy, hastily stuffing his dick back into his pants, offered up the sourest bowl of grapes on the planet.

“We have to ask ourselves, why are they coming home? And I think it’s because bad guys all over the world recognize Donald Trump’s about to be back in office, so they’re cleaning house. That’s a good thing, and I think it’s a testament to Donald Trump’s strength.”

whatever you say, JD, you weirdo.

these fucking people. they have nothing to run on. no policies, and no achievements — so all they can do is try to glom credit for Joe Biden’s hard work.

check out National Security Advisor Jake Sullivan’s reaction to hearing Vance’s statement.

Jake speaks for all of us.

“I don’t follow.”

we don’t follow, either, Jake. none of us follow — because JD Vance is, once again, full of shit.

footnote to history Doug Burgum also bought into the fantasy that Vlad Putin is hella scared of Donny Convict.

“The reason why Russia wanted to do this deal now is they think that President Trump’s going to win and they don’t want to deal with him.”

Republicans might want to stop openly rooting for America to fail. it’s not a good look.

we should probably do a wellness check on Donny to see how he’s coping.

So when are they going to release the details of the prisoner swap with Russia? How many people do we get versus them? Are we also paying them cash? Are they giving us cash (Please withdraw that question, because I’m sure the answer is NO)? Are we releasing murderers, killers, or thugs? Just curious because we never make good deals, at anything, but especially hostage swaps. Our “negotiators” are always an embarrassment to us! I got back many hostages, and gave the opposing Country NOTHING – and never any cash. To do so is bad precedent for the future. That’s the way it should be, or this situation will get worse and worse. They are extorting the United States of America. They’re calling the trade “complex” – That’s so nobody can figure out how bad it is!

oh dear. what’s the matter, Donny? do you need your diaper changed? did you drop your binky again? here you go, buttercup. now dry your eyes.

Donny’s melting all the way down, of course, because Joe Biden just shitcanned one of his favorite talking points.

yeah, sure you were. tell us again, Donny, how Vlad Putin dances to your tune. it’s such a cute story — but we’ve seen the evidence, and we’re pretty sure it’s the other way around.

in fact, Putin’s willingness to do this deal indicates that even he knows that Donny’s hopes of reelection are currently circling the drain.

“Trump publicly told Putin to withhold a prisoner swap until after the election, saying it wouldn’t happen unless he was elected. Putin clearly is not listening: he’s reading the polls and realizes Trump is not going to be our next president. So he has to work with Biden…”

at Biden’s press event yesterday, a reporter asked him about Donny’s boast.

reporter: “president Trump said that he could have gotten the hostages out without giving anything in exchange. what do you say to that?”
Biden: “why didn’t he do it when he was president?”

late last night, Joe and Kamala met the plane that brought the freed prisoners home.

let’s listen in as Biden teaches a master class in diplomacy.

“the toughest call on this one was for other countries, because I asked them to do some things that were against their immediate self-interest, and really difficult for them to do — particularly Germany and Slovenia. Slovenia came in at the last minute, and I’ll tell you what, their Chancellor was incredible.”

Joe had this parting message for the media.

“you’re stuck with me as president for a while, kid. there’s no way out. you’ve got me for at least another 190 days.”

there are actually 171 days between now and January 20, when Kamala Harris is inaugurated as the 47th U.S. President — but I think we can let Joe slide this time.

he’s earned it.