Joe Biden gave a hell of a speech and Republicans whined like dirty diaper babies

bye-bye, narrative!

it was such a lovely narrative.

Sleepy Brandon is old. he’s decrepit. he’s senile. he’s an elderly man with a poor memory.

he sleeps 25 hours a day. he has no idea where he is. his handlers keep him hidden away in a White House basement. they’re terrified of putting him in front of a camera because they don’t want the public to see him drool all over himself as he rambles dementedly. Barack Hussein Obama is secretly running the country.

and then Joe Biden came out and gave a barn-burner of a State of the Union address. he knocked it out of the park — and Republicans immediately started whining about how unfair it was.

bye-bye, narrative. boo fucking hoo, you tiresome dipshits.

George W. Bush apologist Ari Fleischer wandered onto the front lawn of the War Criminals Retirement Home to yell at a cloud about how Biden was “just off.”

“Biden is just off. His tone, his speed of delivery, his loud punchy way of speaking, is really weird. This speech is odd.”

the nerve of Joe Biden — how dare he be loud and punchy. so unfair. he’s supposed to be drooling on himself! what’s with all the complete sentences?

according to Sean Hannity, the only possible explanation is that Biden had to be on drugs.

“we saw a very different Joe Biden tonight, very angry, very jacked-up, you might say, maybe charitably ‘over-caffienated’ would be a way to put it.”

no, Sean, you’re thinking of that other guy. it’s Former Fuck who won’t go out in public without first hoovering all the Adderall. it’s Donny who appointed not-an-admiral Ronny Jackson to be his personal drug connection, and who turned the White House into a pill-mill free-for-all.

Hannity continued:

“we saw, I felt, a president that was screaming, yelling, kinda ranting — a speech that was completely partisan, maybe for reasons that Joe … uh … I guess maybe just known to himself, I … I thought it was beyond bizarre at times and frankly a little frightening, because it’s so different at then the every jay … everyday Joe that we see and hear from.”

holy shit, Sean, that’s a pretty incoherent jumble of words right there. maybe you should be seeing if Ronny Jackson can hook you up.

and so Republicans now have a new talking point: goodbye Sleepy Joe — hello Jacked-Up Joe. and he’s so un-statesmanlike! so completely partisan!

yeah, not like that well-known avatar of comity who regularly calls Biden an ‘enemy of the state.’

ok, there was one point where Biden completely short-circuited. check this out:

“Saudia Arabia and Russia will rebetu ahhhhhhhhh.”

oh wait, that’s not Joe Biden — that’s an actual decaying and demented old dumbfuck.

bring on the debates. I can’t wait to see Biden and Trump go head to head.

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now feast your eyes on this sub-sentient trash bag.

braying harridan Marjorie Three Brain Cells Greene — who was last seen telling a reporter to fuck off — showed up in a MAGA hat, and of course she couldn’t keep her ignorant mouth shut. so utterly classless.

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Alabama Senator Katie Britt gave the Republican response. to call her speech a complete fucking disaster would be to underplay just how horrible it was.

who told her this was a good idea? “absolutely, Katie — give the speech from your kitchen. in no way will this remind everbody that’s where Republicans believe women should be.”

did Katie lose a bet? did she draw the short straw? is that what happened?

did she imagine she was auditioning for a high school production of Our Town?

“mister president, enough is enough. innocent Americans are dying. and you only have yourself to blame. fulfill your oath of office. reverse your policies. end this crisis. stop the suffering.”

Katie Britt is actually proud of this. she posted it to her own twitter feed.

the esteemed senator is, of course, whining about the Republican-engineered border security issue — an issue she’s personally responsible for perpetuating.

“Last month, Senator Britt sided against President Biden, the Border Patrol Union, and the U.S. Chamber of Commerce by opposing the toughest bipartisan border deal in modern history – instead voting with fentanyl traffickers,” White House spokesperson Andrew Bates said.

what’s in Alabama’s water? look who its voters are sending to DC: Tommy Tuberville. Katie Britt. Christ on a corn pone, Alabama — stop embarrassing yourselves.

seriously, how is Katie Britt the best the Republicans could have come up with? it’s not like the GOP doesn’t have good public speakers.

hell, they could have put Comer Fudd in front of a camera and let him deliver a high-pitched spittle-flecked rant about Burisma and two-hundred-thousand-dollar checks. it would have been just as ludicrous but at least it would have been entertaining.

but of course, the Republican response to the SOTU has always been where promising careers go to die.

remember Marco Rubio? he gave the response to Obama’s 2013 SOTU. two minutes in, he reached for his water bottle —

— and never put it down. he just kept taking hits off the bottle every 30 seconds. no one remembers a word he said. but everyone remembers the water.

Marco Rubio was never taken seriously again.

remember Bobby Jindall? Jindall was supposed to be the future of the Republican Party. he was young. he was energetic. he was already the Governor of Louisana. he had the right ideas. he was a person of color. he was a fucking Rhodes Scholar. he was unstoppable.

but then Bobby gave the Republican response to Obama’s 2009 speech — and he suuuuuucked. dull. lifeless. Jindal couldn’t even work up enough energy to look like a deer in the headlights. just like that, Bobby Jindal’s political career was over.

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last night, Joe Biden laid out his positive vision for America — and all the party of Donald Trump can do in response is whine and sputter.