Jim Jordan is a huge, steaming pantload

what the fuck is a Jim Jordan, anyway

Jim Jordan is an unpleasant son of a bitch. this we know.

we’ve all seen him strutting around like some fucked up barnyard banty rooster, shouty, half-dressed, pointing his finger while he excitedly squawks about who the fuck even knows or cares.

but, setting all that aside for a moment, riddle me this: why the fuck does Jim Jordan even want to be in government? it’s boring work. it’s a lot of drudgery. it’s not particularly well-paying. so what is Jim’s game?

it can’t be to govern. Jim Jordan has been in Congress for 16 years. in all the time he’s introduced exactly zero pieces of legislation.

it can’t be to help people. whenever there’s a disaster in his home state or district, he’s nowhere to be found.

it can’t be for the money. as far as we know, no billionaire is bankrolling this guy. what would be the point? he can’t do anybody favors. he’s not a Supreme Court Justice. he’s not an influential legislator. Jordan still dresses like a schmucky high school gym teacher, so if he is raking it in under the table, where is it going?

it can’t be for respect. nobody respects Jim Jordan. he’s a pipsqueak. he’s a fucking clown.

is it for the power? is it just so he can go on TV and shout and hector and wave his arms and make an utter spectacle of himself?

how the fuck is this a rewarding and fulfilling life?

can you imagine Jim Jordan on his day off, playing with a dog? I can’t. I can imagine him yelling at a dog. but that’s about it.

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Jim Jordan is coming to New York today to once again inflict himself where he’s not needed or wanted. ostensibly, because he’s oh-so-concerned about an imaginary crime spree in New York City.

if today’s sham hearing is anything like the other hearings he’s held this year, it’s going to be a rake-stepping shitshow.

it’s going to be a symphony of self-owns.

to quote Old Billy Shakespeare, it’s going to be a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

he’s going to shout. he’s going to wave his arms. he’s going to point that annoying finger. he’s going to say a lot of stupid shit and he’s going to be contradicted and corrected by experts. and then he’s going to pack up and head back to DC and we’re never going to hear about it again.

just like his ‘twitter files’ hearings. just like his ‘weaponization of government’ hearings.

is this a life?

seriously, Jim, there must be an easier way to make a complete ass of yourself.