JD Vance is even worse than you imagined

Trump-Vance is the most toxic, anti-woman ticket possible

JD Vance is what would happen if a total lack of principles became a real boy.

Jay Dee didn’t invent the idea of saying anything in order to get ahead — but oh fucking lordy, did he ever perfect it.

back when JD was the darling of the literary set, he espoused some fairly liberal views — especially about Donny Convict. he once referred to him as “America’s Hitler.” he’s called Donny a “moral disaster” and “cultural heroin.”

but that was then. now the political winds have shifted, and JD has made a complete turnaround — all of a sudden, Donny being America’s Hitler is a good thing.

was JD being disingenuous back then, and telling people what they wanted to hear, or is he lying now? who can tell? all we know is that the guy is as phony as Donny Convict’s tan.

and now, as Donny’s choice for veep, he could one day be a grazed ear away from the presidency.

there is one thing in this world that JD Vance seems totally sincere about: he fucking hates women.

here’s a fun quote:

“we are effectively run in this country, via the Democrats, via our corporate oligarchs, by a bunch of childless cat ladies who are miserable at their own lives and the choices that they’ve made, and so they want to make the rest of the country miserable, too. and its just a basic fact if you look at Kamala Harris, Pete Buttigieg, AOC — the entire future of the Democrats is controlled by people without children. And how does it make any sense that we’ve turned our country over to people who don’t really have a direct stake in it.”

wow, so much misogyny in so few words.

note that JD includes Mayor Pete in his cheerful rant. Pete’s gay, so I guess in JD’s mind that makes him childless-cat-lady-adjacent. don’t nobody tell JD that Mayor Pete is in fact not childless — he and his husband Chasten have twins — it would surely ruin his day.

JD believes that a woman has one — and only one — god-given right: she has the right to do whatever the fuck her husband tells her.

seriously, this dude sounds like an awesome guy to be married to.

“and this is one of the great tricks that the sexual revolution pulled on the American populace, which is this idea that like well, ok, these marriages were fundamentally, y’know, they were maybe even violent, but certainly they were unhappy. and so getting rid of them, and making it easier for people to shift spouses like they change their underwear, that’s gonna make people happier in the long run. and maybe it worked out for the moms and dads, but I’m skeptical. but it really didn’t work out for the kids in those marriages.”

got that, ladies? maybe your husband comes home drunk and whales the tar out of you every night — and maybe he even threatens to kill you — but you gotta hang in there — for the sake of the young’ns.

just slap some concealer on those bruises and keep raising the next generation of zealots. you’re doing god’s work!

after hearing that clip, it will come as no shock to you that JD is totally down with ending no-fault divorce.

A growing cadre of GOP social conservatives as senior as House Speaker Mike Johnson and Senator JD Vance say no-fault divorce has undermined family stability, and they attribute a litany of social ills to it.

but take heart, ladies — JD doesn’t think you should only be forced to raise your husband’s children. he’s got more in mind for you: you should also be forced to be a fetus factory.

END ABORTION

I am 100 percent pro-life, and believe that abortion has turned our society into a place where we see children as an inconvenience to be thrown away rather than a blessing to be nurtured. Eliminating abortion is first and foremost about protecting the unborn, but it's also about making our society more pro-child and pro-family. The historic Dobbs decision puts this new era of society into motion, one that prioritizes family and the sanctity of all life.

JD website calls for “eliminating” all abortion, even for child survivors of rape and women who will otherwise die from pregnancy complications — oops, JD’s website calls for no such thing, because JD swiftly deleted that section once he became the veep pick. how interesting.

of course, as a Republican, JD is a firm believer is keeping government out of people’s personal lives.

oh no, wait — JD believes the exact opposite, especially if you’re a fetus-bearer.

Sen. J.D. Vance (R-Ohio), Donald Trump’s pick for vice presidential nominee, pressured federal regulators last June to kill a privacy rule that prevents police from accessing the medical records of people seeking reproductive services, according to documents reviewed by The Lever. The rule was designed to prevent state and local police in anti-abortion states from using private records to hunt down and prosecute people who cross state lines in search of abortion services.

ladies, the next time you get pulled over, be sure to have your license, registration and medical records ready to hand over to the nice policeman.

JD also wants to track your menstrual cycle.

boy howdy, JD sure is obsessed with wombs.

“As a parent of young children and a nationalist who worries about America’s low fertility I can say with confidence that daylight savings time reduces fertility by at least 10 percent.”

JD got so thoroughly mocked for this anti-science twaddle that he deleted the tweet.

gee, JD sure likes to cover his tracks, doesn’t he?

hey, know who else is obsessed with nationalism and low fertility rates? the Space Nazi. so is that other tech bro nightmare, Peter Thiel. that’s just one of the reasons the two of them have been funneling million of dollars into pro-Trump PACs.

By elevating Vance to the presidential ticket and signaling their intentions to use their vast resources to support Trump, the Silicon Valley conservative movement is making a big bet on the Republican Party … If it pays off, it will pay off big, bringing ultra-wealthy right-wing industrialists closer than ever to the levers of power. That’s something that should give us all pause.

roll JD Vance and Donny Convict into a big ball along with the tech bros and the Heritage Foundation’s Project 2025 and Holy Mike Johnson’s Seven Mountain Dominionism, and what you have is the most anti-women ticket ever.

In Vance, he’s found someone who hates women as much as he does; someone who wants to control them as much as he does. If the Trump/Vance ticket wins this election, it will be the beginning of the end of women’s reproductive rights and bodily autonomy.

you really have to wonder what JD’s Yale-educated corporate-lawyer wife thinks about all this.

does it bother JD that his running mate is a thrice-married, twice-divorced adulterer and rapist who begged his second wife to abort his fourth child?

fuck no. JD doesn’t give a shit about any of that — because JD Vance is as fake and power hungry as they come. if snuggling up to an amoral libertine is what it takes to achieve his goals, well then that’s what JD is going to do.

how bogus is J.D. Vance? even his name is bogus.

which makes him the perfect vp candidate for the guy with bogus hair, bogus teeth, bogus tan, bogus SAT scores, bogus bone spurs, bogus casinos, bogus university, bogus foundation, bogus charity, bogus golf scores, bogus business documents, bogus medical records, bogus electors — and a possibly bogus ear wound.

folks, a word on a different subject before I let you go: we’re doing some quarterly fundraising at my other venture, The Smirking Chimp. I’m leery of even mentioning it because if you’re one of the people paying to support my own writing here, you’re already doing god’s work and you’re already doing more than enough to help out. but if you’ve got five dollars that you absolutely wouldn’t miss and you do feel like supporting the Chimp, well, that just makes you twice the hero. the donation link is here, or you can go straight to paypal if you need no further convincing. and if you don’t care to donate, that’s totally cool, too, and we will not speak of this again. in fact, we never had this conversation. thanks for listening and that’s it from me for now.