it’s Stormy Monday — enjoy your first criminal trial, Donny

no matter who you are, you’re probably having a better day than Donald Trump

cheating on your spouse because you’re an amoral asshole who regards every woman as a piece of meat to be conquered, is not illegal. it’s fucked-up behavior for sure, but it’s not illegal.

cheating while your wife is at home, nursing your newborn baby? scumbaggery of the highest order, but still not illegal.

instructing your mob-fixer lawyer to hand the woman with whom you cheated a huge pile of money, so she’ll shut the fuck up about your freakishly undersized mushroom dick? believe it or not, also not illegal.

however: cutting a Trump Org check and then falsifying business records in order to hide the true nature of why the funds were paid out — congratulations, bro, you just crossed the line into Crime Town.

and doing all this while running for president, in order to keep the voting public from learning what a vile shitbag you are? welcome to the wonderful world of election interference — settle in, my dude, you’re now squarely in Felony Land.

the media loves to call this “the hush money trial.” it’s not, and I just explained why.

but the worthless scribblers of the press can’t help but dumb everything down into easy sound-bite form. “hush money trial” — it rolls right off the tongue, those four syllables. not like “election interference,” come on, man, now you’re forcing us to explain what that is.

it’s a crime, is what it is. Michael Cohen already spent more than a year in prison for his part in perpetrating it.

here’s attorney Lisa Needham to break down the nuts and bolts of the case.

The 34 felony counts Trump now faces don’t refer to separate incidents but rather the multiple steps Trump took to hide the hush money payments. First, he is accused of faking a series of invoices to Cohen, saying they were for legal services when they were really reimbursement for Cohen paying the hush money. Correspondingly, Trump is alleged to have issued a series of checks to Cohen, which he falsely denoted as payment for legal services. Finally, prosecutors say that Trump then caused false entries about the payments to be created in the Trump Corporation general ledger. Trump is charged only with the falsifications as they relate to the payments to Stormy Daniels. However, prosecutors have also indicated they will be discussing the $150,000 paid to former Playboy model Karen McDougal so she too would keep quiet about her own affair with Trump.

Normally, falsifying business records is a misdemeanor, but if business records are falsified with intent to cover up or commit a different underlying crime, it is a felony.

we should probably do a wellness check on Little Donny Fuckface, to see how’s he coping with having to sit in a courtroom today.

oh dear. this is less than one hour’s worth of posts from this past weekend.

Trump is losing it. he tried so desperately to derail this trial. his lawyers filed ten different motions to have the trial delayed. no such luck. they tried to get the trial moved out of Manhattan. nuh-uh, numb-nuts. they sued Judge Merchan on the flimsiest of pretexts — and got laughed out of court. they threw every bit of legal spaghetti at the wall and nothing stuck. Judge Merchan and the appeals court above him were all nice fucking try, dipshits, make sure your asses are in court on Monday.

and so here we are — the first criminal trial of Donald Trump. he has to sit there and behave. unlike his civil trials, he can’t stand up in the middle of the proceedings and bolt out of the room so he can whine to the cameras. he’ll have to endure every second of the trial, and remain seated as his diaper fills to capacity.

boo fucking hoo.

now check out this profile in patriotism. New Hampshire Governor Chris Sununu went on George Stephanopoulos’s show yesterday to simp for the lifelong criminal who now leads his party.

Stephanopoulos: “so just to sum up: you’ll support him for president even if he’s convicted in the classified document case. you support him for president even though you believe he contributed to an insurrection. you support him for president even though you believe he’s lying about the last election. and you’ll support him for president even if he’s convicted in the in the Manhattan case. I just want to say, the answer to that is ‘yes,’ correct?”
Sununu: “yeah, me and 51% of America.”

this is your modern day Republican Party, folks. it’s a fucking cult. they’ll stand by Dear Leader even though they know he’s a criminal rapist grifter. they don’t care.

oh, and Chris? you’re a fucking liar. Trump has never had the support of 51% of America. not at any point during his presidency, and certainly not now.

---

so, happy First Day of Donald Trump’s First Criminal Trial to all who celebrate. I just checked and guess what: it’s impossible to overdose on schadenfreude. let it rip.

have a great day, everyone.