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it's Juneteenth and neo-Nazis are completely losing their shit
if you’re dim enough to have ever asked “when do white people get a holiday,” oh boy, today’s your lucky day
today is Juneteenth, the annual commemoration of the end of slavery in the United States. we can all agree that’s a pretty damned good reason for a holiday, right?
well, actually, since we live in the dumbest fucking country in the universe, we can’t all agree that the end of slavery is a good reason for a holiday.
if you’re dim enough to have ever asked “when do white people get a holiday,” oh boy, today’s your lucky day, because a bunch of neo-Nazi dipshits in South Florida would really love to have a chat.
meet the Goyim Defense League (get it? get it???? goyim! what a fucking knee-slapper).
the GDL has produced a 30-minute film warning of the dangers of “white genocide” (which, by the way, is definitely, absolutely, 100% not a real thing), and they really want you to see it.
and so, on this Juneteenth, the Goyim Defense League will be driving around, calling attention to their film and striking fear in the hearts of non-Aryans everywhere by … stuffing mailboxes with stupid-ass leaflets.
now wait a minute, I hear you asking, how does a leaflet in a mailbox strike fear in the heart of anyone? won’t people just crumple them up and throw them the fuck away?
and here’s where the Nazis have a cunning plan. and by “cunning plan,” I mean sit down, because this is going to be the stupidest fucking thing you’ve ever heard of.
It imagines participants posing as normie citizens to sound their alarm about the leaflets to local politicians, news outlets, churches, and affected local businesses. “Call as if concerned,” it directs, even offering some prompts like, “Omg I found this as a tourist,” and “I just want everyone to be safe at the end of their shifts.”
The post concludes with a note that callers should “expect to be recorded” and that “soundbites are important.” These supposed members of a master race misspell their native language, urging caution and discipline “in EVERY SENTANCE YOU SPEAK.”
got that? they’re going to call attention to themselves by complaining about themselves to the media.
if that sounds like it makes no fucking sense, that’s because it really does make no fucking sense.
I did warn you that it was going to be the stupidest fucking thing you ever heard of.
Mike Chitwood, the sheriff of Volusia County, Florida, who has dealt with the Goyim Defense League before, has had just about enough of their Nazi bullshit.
can we all agree that Mike Chitwood is the coolest sheriff in America?
so there you have it, folks — a whole month’s worth of pure, unadulterated stupid, compressed into one day.
happy Juneteenth, everyone.
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