it’s Black Monday all over again. thanks, President Clusterfuck!

Donny’s gonna show those penguins who’s boss

ever wonder what it would be like to wake up in the middle of a financial shit-blizzard?

wonder no more. the global markets are in free fall right now. look at this scary-as-fuck chart.

remind me, is it a bad thing when all the lines go straight down?

let’s check in with President Screwloose and see if he has any words of comfort to calm a nervous nation.

“I won. it’s good to win. you heard I won. did you hear I won? just to back it up, I won. I like to win. I have a very low handicap.”

what the fuck is wrong with this guy? while the world turns to shit before our very eyes, he’s yammering about golf. he’s boasting about winning his millionty-billionth consecutive championship — all of them at golf motels that he quite conveniently owns. that’s what’s important to this broken-inside fuckbag.

President Nine Iron eventually does get on the subject of his ruinous tariffs — but trust me, you’re going to wish he kept to golf.

reporter: “is there pain in the market at some point you’re unwilling to tolerate?”
Donny: “I think your question is so stupid. I don't want anything to go down, but sometimes you have to take medicine to fix something.”

you gotta take your medicine, unless the medicine is something like a vaccine to prevent measles.

by the way, “HHS Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. posted that he is in Texas to meet with members of the community and to support the state’s health officials” is possibly the least-reassuring sentence I’ve ever read.

but I digress. why is Donny complaining that he was asked a stupid question? because it wasn’t about golf? I’m sorry, pal, not every query can be some gently-lobbed softball about your amazingly low handicap.

of course Donny doesn’t give a one crusty shit about pain in the market. he’d already sold off his stocks, before announcing the tariffs. he raked in billions of dollars. Donny’s doing just fine.

now here’s the moment of Peak Stupid from his Air Force One gaggle.

“I spoke to a lot of leaders — European, Asian, from all over the world. they are dying to make a deal, but I said ‘we’re not gonna have deficits with your country’ ... to me a deficit is a loss. we’re gonna have surpluses or at worst we're gonna be breaking even.”

so Donny spoke to the leaders of other countries, and told them he wouldn’t lift tariffs on any country that we continue to have a trade deficit with. that’s one of those things that sounds good if, like Donny, you have a todder’s understanding of economics — but out here in the real world, very little of that shit is attainable.

did Donny speak to the leader of Penguin Island, where Donny slapped a ten percent tariff on a parcel of land where no humans live? what are the penguins going to buy from us? they don’t even have pockets, how are they going carry money to pay for those sweet, sweet imported American goods? doesn’t matter — Donny’s gonna show those penguins who’s boss.

who did Donny speak to at the US military base in the British Indian Ocean, where Donny also slapped a ten percent tariff. what are the soldiers going to sell back to America, so we can earn a surplus off them?

what about the eighteen meteorologists on Jan Mayan island in the arctic? they don’t even have a fucking economy, how are they ever going to work their way out of the tariffs Donny slapped on them?

but let’s get serious for a minute. there are actual countries in the world who we are never going to have a surplus with, because it’s literally impossible. it makes no sense to tariff these countries. Donny’s punishing them for no logical reason at all.

I’m talking about countries like the African nation of Lesotho.

of all nations on Earth, Lesotho runs the highest trade deficit with the US. so naturally, Donny slapped Lesotho with the highest tariffs. Donny did this because — not to put too fine a point on it — he’s is a fucking moron who has no idea how economies work.

the reason we run a trade deficit with Lesotho is that they so poor — the average citizen earns less than five dollars a day — that they’re never ever going to afford to buy American goods.

Lesotho exports textiles to American corporations such as Levi’s and Wrangler. but Lesotho barely imports any US items — because they don’t have any fucking money. and Donny sees this as ‘Lesotho is taking advantage of us.’

yeah, they’re really living high on the hog over there in Lesotho.

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now let’s watch Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent teach a master class being an out-of-touch asshole.

Kristen Welker: “Trump promised he was going to improve the economy starting on day one. what is your message to Americans who want to retire right now and have just seen their lifetime savings drop significantly?”

Scott Bessent: “most Americans who have put away for years in their savings accounts don’t look at the day-to-day fluctuations of what's happening.”

have you ever heard anything more tone-deaf in your life? Scott Bessent is worth half a billion dollars, and he has no fucking clue what it’s like to live paycheck to paycheck.

thanks to generations of predatory capitalism, most Americans don’t have any savings they can live off of. most Americans don’t even have $500 available to pay for emergencies.

Bessent, you’ll recall, has been complaining recently that having to shill for Donny’s tariffs has been hurting his own credibility.

oh please, Scott. the reason your beloved credibility is fucked is because you won’t stop going on TV and saying stupid shit like Americans shouldn’t worry about financial armageddon, they can just pay their butlers’ and maids’ salaries out of their copious savings.

here you go, Scott. here’s what you’re doing to your own credibility.

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here’s that other out-of-touch administration asshole, granny-starver Howard Lutnick. Howie’s always good for saying something super fucking infuriating, and he sure doesn’t disappoint.

“we are going to replace the armies of millions and millions of human beings screwing in little screws to make iPhones. that kind of thing is going to come to America.”

oh, joy. Howie’s gonna Make America Sweatshop Again. he wants the US to recreate the China-style hellhole factories where iPhones are assembled — places where workers are paid pennies a day, live in factory-run dormitories and are on permanent suicide-watch because their lives are so miserable.

that’s what Lutnick is envisioning — because you can’t pay “millions and millions of human beings” a livable wage without having your iPhones become unaffordable.

hey, as long as we’re taking America back to a pre-unionized industrial-age world of cheap labor and miserable working conditions, maybe we can have more Triangle Shirtwaist Fires.

not one of these shitweasels can get their stories straight. Donny claims his tariffs are going to make “us” rich — but he’s talking about himself, and his oligarch pals. the rest of us are going to scuffle for their table scraps.

Scott Bessent imagines that Mom and Pop American are already so flush with cash that they can just laugh in the face of crisis, and Howard Lutnick envisions all us peons working in sweatshops for pennies an hour.

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meanwhile, JPMorgan CEO Jamie Dimon is mad as hell and he’s not going to take it any longer.

JPMorgan CEO Jamie Dimon has issued a blunt warning about President Donald Trump’s tariff policy: It threatens to raise prices, drive the global economy into a downturn and weaken America’s standing in the world.

of course, this is the same Jaime Dimon who said last January that all of us bellyachers should “just get over” tariffs.

it sounds like Jamie needs to get his story straight.

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oh look, the markets just opened in America and they’re already in the shitter.

and Donny remains laser-focused on what’s important.

Make American North Korea Again. I can’t hardly wait.

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here’s your daily reminder that I can be found on Blue Sky at this link.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.