indictment season begins today! (updated)
after years of fucking around, it's finally time for Donald Trump to find out
this is FUCKING YUGE.
there we all were, having a perfectly ordinary Friday, when the news broke:
oh god oh god oh god oh god was it actually happening? after years and years of being forced to watch Donald Trump fuck around, could we finally be getting to watch Donald Trump find out?
predictably, all hell broke loose and the entire wingnut outrage-industrial complex melted straight the fuck down.
Individual-1 spent the entire weekend having a completely normal one:
at last, there it was: Donald Trump would be arrested on Tuesday (or not. more on that in a bit).
the already-incoherent wingnut meltdown kicked straight the fuck into overdrive.
first out of the gate was Kevin McCarthy, grandstanding at twice the speed of light and promising to investigate an event over which he has absolutely no power to investigate. see if you can spot the exact moment when Kev’s already-pliant spine completely liquifies:
J.D. Vance (oh god, I almost forgot that this underachieving goofus is an actual United States Senator) managed to wedge racism and antisemitism into one tidy tweet.
the guy whose own family hates his guts had an ominious warning for us all.
Andy’s right, folks, and it’s so chilling: if they can go after a criminal ex-president for committing crimes, they can go after any criminal for committing crimes.
meanwhile, the MAGA-world rank and file — and I can’t put too fine a point on this — completely lost their shit. word went out: we must protect Our Only And True President at all costs. this one’s my favorite:
a “patriot moat.” a fucking patriot moat. wrap your mind around a patriot moat. oh please please please PLEASE do a patriot moat. and live-stream it. please.
(aside: Patriot Moat is an excellent name for a band. I call dibs.)
meanwhile, lost in all the rage and confusion is this:
as I sit here writing this at 10am Monday morning, Donald Trump is the only source for the “going to be arrested on Tuesday” story and Donald Trump is a fucking liar who lies about everything.
Alvin Bragg hasn’t said anything. Trump’s lawyers haven’t said anything. only Donald Trump has said anything, and this is the guy who lied his fucking face off about a weather map.
so is tomorrow the big day, or is Trump delusional, or is Trump picking a day out of his ass just so he can have something to fundraise off of?
we just don’t know.
the Trump grand jury is meeting today. they’re hearing from Michael Cohen (for a third time) and a last-minute pro-Trump witness who will argue against indictment. if the grand jury doesn’t hold an indictment vote today, their next meeting is on Wednesday.
so keep the champagne on ice, folks. if you’re not popping the cork tomorrow, you probably will be popping it before the end of the week.
UPDATE, 11:17am: something’s happening, folks.
UPDATE, 1:16pm: INDICTMENT EXPECTED LATE TODAY OR WEDNESDAY
TUNE IN TOMORROW for “indictment season scorecard: your guide to Donald Trump's legal hell”
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