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indictment season begins today! (updated)

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indictment season begins today! (updated)

after years of fucking around, it's finally time for Donald Trump to find out

Jeff Tiedrich
Mar 20, 2023
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indictment season begins today! (updated)

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this is FUCKING YUGE.

there we all were, having a perfectly ordinary Friday, when the news broke:

Twitter avatar for @MikeSington
Mike Sington @MikeSington
“This is a huge development.” Final preparations being made to arrest Donald Trump next week. Trump will “be fingerprinted and processed like every other defendant”. The Secret Service will make the decision whether to handcuff the former president or not. (Video: Fox News)
9:58 PM ∙ Mar 17, 2023
799Likes242Retweets

oh god oh god oh god oh god was it actually happening? after years and years of being forced to watch Donald Trump fuck around, could we finally be getting to watch Donald Trump find out?

predictably, all hell broke loose and the entire wingnut outrage-industrial complex melted straight the fuck down.

Individual-1 spent the entire weekend having a completely normal one:

at last, there it was: Donald Trump would be arrested on Tuesday (or not. more on that in a bit).

the already-incoherent wingnut meltdown kicked straight the fuck into overdrive.

first out of the gate was Kevin McCarthy, grandstanding at twice the speed of light and promising to investigate an event over which he has absolutely no power to investigate. see if you can spot the exact moment when Kev’s already-pliant spine completely liquifies:

Twitter avatar for @SpeakerMcCarthy
Kevin McCarthy @SpeakerMcCarthy
Here we go again — an outrageous abuse of power by a radical DA who lets violent criminals walk as he pursues political vengeance against President Trump. I’m directing relevant committees to immediately investigate if federal funds are being used to subvert our democracy by… https://t.co/elpbh7LeWn
3:07 PM ∙ Mar 18, 2023
55,575Likes13,839Retweets

J.D. Vance (oh god, I almost forgot that this underachieving goofus is an actual United States Senator) managed to wedge racism and antisemitism into one tidy tweet.

Twitter avatar for @JDVance1
J.D. Vance @JDVance1
Alvin Bragg is bought by George Soros. He allows violent criminals to walk the streets of New York City, but will prosecute the likely Republican nominee (and former president) on a baseless misdemeanor charge. These people are trying to turn America into a third-world country.
Twitter avatar for @jdawsey1
Josh Dawsey @jdawsey1
The prosecutor, the ex-president & “the zombie case” that was viewed skeptically by many in law enforcement, including Alvin Bragg’s team, that suddenly, somehow came back to life. Our latest: https://t.co/dI8iyNn5ik
1:53 PM ∙ Mar 18, 2023
12,125Likes3,825Retweets

the guy whose own family hates his guts had an ominious warning for us all.

Twitter avatar for @RepAndyBiggsAZ
Rep Andy Biggs @RepAndyBiggsAZ
If they can come for Trump, they will come for you. This type of stuff only occurs in third world authoritarian nations.
2:08 PM ∙ Mar 18, 2023
24,144Likes6,481Retweets

Andy’s right, folks, and it’s so chilling: if they can go after a criminal ex-president for committing crimes, they can go after any criminal for committing crimes.


meanwhile, the MAGA-world rank and file — and I can’t put too fine a point on this — completely lost their shit. word went out: we must protect Our Only And True President at all costs. this one’s my favorite:

Twitter avatar for @ZTPetrizzo
Zachary Petrizzo @ZTPetrizzo
One of the most popular ideas on far-right The Donald forum following Trump calling his supporters to protest: "Surround Mar-A-Lago or wherever he currently is and prevent 'law enforcement' from entering."
Image
4:52 PM ∙ Mar 18, 2023
2,180Likes551Retweets

a “patriot moat.” a fucking patriot moat. wrap your mind around a patriot moat. oh please please please PLEASE do a patriot moat. and live-stream it. please.

(aside: Patriot Moat is an excellent name for a band. I call dibs.)


meanwhile, lost in all the rage and confusion is this:

as I sit here writing this at 10am Monday morning, Donald Trump is the only source for the “going to be arrested on Tuesday” story and Donald Trump is a fucking liar who lies about everything.

Alvin Bragg hasn’t said anything. Trump’s lawyers haven’t said anything. only Donald Trump has said anything, and this is the guy who lied his fucking face off about a weather map.

so is tomorrow the big day, or is Trump delusional, or is Trump picking a day out of his ass just so he can have something to fundraise off of?

we just don’t know.

the Trump grand jury is meeting today. they’re hearing from Michael Cohen (for a third time) and a last-minute pro-Trump witness who will argue against indictment. if the grand jury doesn’t hold an indictment vote today, their next meeting is on Wednesday.

so keep the champagne on ice, folks. if you’re not popping the cork tomorrow, you probably will be popping it before the end of the week.

fuck yeah.


UPDATE, 11:17am: something’s happening, folks.

Twitter avatar for @costareports
Robert Costa @costareports
Steel barricades arriving outside Manhattan Criminal Court @CBSNews
1:33 PM ∙ Mar 20, 2023
7,982Likes2,150Retweets

UPDATE, 1:16pm: INDICTMENT EXPECTED LATE TODAY OR WEDNESDAY

Twitter avatar for @MuellerSheWrote
Mueller, She Wrote @MuellerSheWrote
INDICTMENT EXPECTED LATE TODAY OR WEDNESDAY. If you only want to know when the indictment is issued and don’t care about news like this, you can follow @indictmentsonly
politico.comTrump indictment could land as early as Monday, sending law enforcement scramblingA grand jury is expected to charge Trump late Monday or Wednesday, according to three people involved in the deliberations.
5:06 PM ∙ Mar 20, 2023
724Likes156Retweets


TUNE IN TOMORROW for “indictment season scorecard: your guide to Donald Trump's legal hell”

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indictment season begins today! (updated)

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indictment season begins today! (updated)

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Neal Stiffelman
Mar 20

All kinds of stuff about how the riots "will make J6 look like a children's birthday party", how "Kamala" is trying "to protect Obama" -- also how "Obiden" is trying to create a police state, how the orange baboon would never find her attractive unless he was drunk and he doesn't drink [ergo QED]... works in stuff in the shaman's innocence, too, and calls for Gaetz and Jordan to ride to the rescue. It's cartoonish.

Mental illness is depressing but also emblematic of the core constituency the House leadership is climbing over themselves to please.

It's a rat king.

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Neal Stiffelman
Mar 20

I thought Randy Quaid deserved mention. That dude is waaaaay crazy.

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